Son and Fiance Gone?? Need advice. Please

[redheadone]

I'm sorry it looks long but will only take 5minutes to read. Thanks in advance.

 

I have been dating a girl for the past 2 years. I am 29 and she is 23. She has a son that is 4 years old and she is going to school full time and working part time. She had ended a marriage a year earlier that had been abusive. She had gotten married due to an unplanned pregency at 17.

 

We meet in July and by Septrmber I had meet her parents and went on there family vacations and all other family activities. Everything went well for the next 10 months. She and her son had basically moved in with me and we were living our lives. We were both convinced that we were the one's for each other. There were times when we had little differences but nothing out of the ordinary. We were getting along great. I had been in the process of looking at a house to buy for quite some time. She had been looking with me and indicated that she wanted to buy the house with me. At first I didn't know what to think but the idea grew on me. So we decided to get the house together. For about a 3 months we looked for housing and schools. Things had progressed and we started to talk with banks and such. Well at this point she told me she had to be engaged to be able to move in with me. She had not brought this up 3 months ago. At this time I stated I would like to marry her. She then started to push for the engagement on a weekly basis. I stated to her that I wanted to per-pose because I loved her not because she was pressuring me and the situation with the house. Also I could not affor the ring because I was saving money for the down payment of the house (along with some credit restraints she was well aware of).

 

I mostly wanted the engagement to be perfect due the way her previous marriage had come about and to reassure to her that I was marrying her out of pure love not due to circumstances. This pressure started to push me away from the idea and I didn't understand that if she really loved me why isn't sh giving me the time to do it on my own.

 

Well we went on vacation with her family in December for a week. We had great time but on the trip back home she was angry with me for having not perposed to her. About 10 days after we got back home she per-posed to me. At first I thought she was joking. She said she was not. I said yes of course because I love her and knew I would marry her. Although I was excited about being engaged I was not excited about the way it came about. I felt like I had let her and myself down. And I still had not gotten her ring because of the house.

 

During this time she had been doing badly in school which was the first time she had less that "a" in her life. She was in danger of losing her scholarship. I told her to not worry about the money, that we would work it out. She was also working twice as much to prepare for the house. At this point we started to bicker more. Between our jobs, school, the house, money, and child raising concerns the stress was on.

 

About 5 weeks ago she had called me to set a date for the wedding(which wasn't to be for another 1-1/2yrs). She said she was just going to pick a date to tell her grandparents. I said I wanted to set down together to pick it. She said she was just going to do it herself.

 

This lead to an argument that did not get resolved. She then went out that night with some friends. At 2am she called me to get a ride. I was unable to drive, having had been out myself. She was to orgionally had stayed at a friends house. Well apparently that night her friend had a party and she got involved in a conversation with a group of people that dwindled down to just her and another guy about relationships. I assume she told him the difficulties her and I were having. Well she states that they connected and that having talked to him (for 2 hour after having had been drinking and her and I having been fighting that day) she realized that I may not be the best match for her. As you may have guessed this sent her into the confusion/I need space stage a week before we were to close on the house. Within 5 days of her telling me about her conversation and realization she had moved out of my apartment while I was out of town. Then when I got back 2 days later she told me she needed a week to get

things straight. The next time we talked she needed a month to figure it out (which is about the time school would get out) Well I made it 1 week without talking to her but couldn't take missing her and her son. So I called her to try to figure out what was going on. We talked on the phone until 11pm then her phone went dead. Well I then went her house to talk. We talked for the next few hours crying and holding each other. She said she wished this guy would turn out to be a dick. And of course I begged her to see all the good things in our relationship not just the bad

 

Also I said I would change. Well I stayed the night and basically laid there for hrs next to this cold person until it was time to get up 6am. We talked some more in the morning not nearly as deep. Her son was excited to see me and wanted me to stay the next night as well. She headed off to work and I to mine saying I love you to each other and giving each other a huge. She said she would call me later. Well she did to say it was over. Later that day I called her and told her she needed to get the rest of her stuff, so we set up a time the next day. At this time I said I at least wanted to say good-bye to her son That I had been around for half of his life, that he so fondly had called me dad for the past 6 months. At first she said no but I insisted. They came over and I was very emotional and she ice cold. She hinted that she wished she had not made this decision. She stated some more reasons why she broke it off which well bull????. And said she wanted to help me get over it. That she would talk with me about anything except for the relationship. She also stated that if I had mentioned to her parents, that I had contacted when all this started to happen, that I really wanted to marry her she would have been back. I asked her for a second chance. She stated that if we did try again we would not just get married, that we would half to build the relationship back up, which I agreeded. Then she said she was going to date and asked me not get mad.

 

Well she called me a week ago to see if I was alright. Of course I acted as though I was fine, didn't talk about the relationship at all. She thanked me for some easter gifts that I had sent her son. (but did not mention the book I sent her about relationship) Also asked what I had been up to, etc. I indicated to her that I wanted to be part of her son's life if possible. She said she wasn't sure about that but didn't say no. I kept the conversation short and got off the line first. I have not contacted her at all and don't plan to. She is determined to only get married 1 more time in her life which I agree with, but she has put that much more pressure on her self to not make a mistake. Also she has not gotten the opportunity to experience life due to the child and the young marriage. I am just really confused as her motives and if she really knows what she is doing. She has said that our relationship was the most trusting relationship she had ever been in. That she loved me but not in love with me.

 

 

 

Any comments or questions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[AnotherChick]

Well, first of all I want to say I'm sorry and my heart goes out to you.

 

I don't want to sound like I'm just being down on this girl, but from what I can tell the is pretty used to high drama situations. She came from an abusive relationship that started when she, herself was just a baby, she's going to school and trying to be a mommy. All at once. Take a step back and look at your own needs for a moment. You sound like a great person who always looks for the best in people. However you need to realize that this girl is not giving you the credit you deserve. Furthermore, she hasn't really recovered from her own past. That is clear as day. She is imposing her crazy drama onto you now. She doesn't even seem to realize it. Chaos is bad, but that's apparently all she knows.

 

My advice is to keep your distance from all of this drama. I suspect she will realize what a great person you are and how she screwed up her side of things. If she doesn't, then she was never the one for you, and you are lucky she has moved on. Don't sit around waiting for her. Get out there and meet people. That doesn't mean dating or love, but meet people, enjoy life and look for all the new experiences you can find. If she comes back, you will have grown as a person, if she doesn't, you will have grown as a person. Get my point?

 

You were being pressured into the marriage and house thing. You did do the write thing by taking your time. That was a very smart move. There is no need to second guess yourself. If you want to be the father and provider you envision, then managing your funds was also the exactly right decision. Unfortunately, she was so focused on the outcome, she couldn't see this.

 

I hope you get my point. You sound like a good person. She sounds like a misguided soul, but she needs to fix herself. You can't fix her. You can however keep growing as a person. If you keep doing that you can always count on life bringing more wonderful moments in your future.

 

The emotion part sucks, but remind yourself, that you have done everything just right. Good for you! Hang in there.

[Hopingpraying]

Red,

 

Well to answer your question, she doesn't know what she is doing, I don't think any of us do when it comes to relationships. We have to learn as we go. You are doing the right thing by giving her the space she needs. I am a little worried about her son though. Is his dad involved in his life? If he is even a little bit then you should back off that kick. If she lets you see him then great, but if she doesn't don't push it.

It is all so hard, I've seen this so many times in just this forum. They need space to figure out what they want. But the person that knows what they want gets the shaft, and has to figure out what they did to cause this. Doing the well if I would of done this differently or this then maybe things would be different. Don't do that to yourself, don't live in the past. Living in the past will only prolong your hurt.

 

You are already doing no contact. Take the high road, kill her with kindness and improve yourself. Even if she doesn't come back you will be one hell of a catch for someone else.

 

Good luck!

[redheadone]

Hoping&Praying, Another chick,

 

Thank you both for the interest. To answer the question is her son's father involved? No, He sees his son about every 8 months basically because his parents force him to. I have grown very attached to her son over the past few years. It is so obvious that I have been a good influence in his life and he has been such a good influence in my life. That relationship is the only one I can truly say was beautiful and true. Although at the time it was too close to see. I do truly love this girl that I hope to see blossom into a woman. The biggest fear is that she will just find the next guy to get over me, convience herself that is the right thing, then 2 or 3 years later be in a bad position and not be able recover. Or worse yet date a string of men just interested in the physical and use her as long as they can and then bail do to the responsibility of her son. In the meantime exposing her son to another person that isn't willing to take on the responsibility holeheartedly. I did call her last night, got he voice mail. I left a message indicating I had called at 5:30. She called my home phone at about 9pm and then I received a unaviable call at 9:05 pm and then another call to my cell phone at 9:20pm from her. I had been on a date so did not call her back. I thought I might call her this evening. Do you think this would be good? I really do think she is just confused so I don't want to break all contact because that was her big thing that I didn't want to commit. I do appreciate your input it helps everyday.

[redheadone]

It was another restless night thinking of her. I have been waking up at 4:30 a.m. consistantly since the break up. It is hard to realize that she is gone again almost like I forgot in my sleep. There has been a couple of time that I have had dreams that we worked thing out and everything was great. Those mornings are the worst. I have cried after thes experiences. I can't/ don't want to get over this girl because of the potential I see for us. So what is there to do. I cant really date other wemon because I know it is just a distraction from her and I feel like I am just using the other person. I have gotten to the point that talking about it to others has become annoying to me. All that I have been able to do is block this from my mind as well as I can. Her sons birthday is on th 7th of May. I had planned to get him a birthday present and just send that and nothing else. Please give me some feed back, would this be a good idea?

[AnotherChick]

Well, a birthday gift is a good idea, but you have to mean it for the child. Not just an opportunity to get in touch with her. You do not sound like a mean, and malicious person who would do that. However, it is an easy kind of expectation to have since you are really missing her. Not the child, as much.

 

So, in short, I would say that is a good idea, but just remind yourself. It has nothing to do with her.

 

I hope you get what I'm saying. I don't think you would put the child between you two, but when someone is in an emotional state, things like that can happen when you don't mean them to.

[redheadone]

AnotherChick,

 

I do get what you are saying. The birthday gift is meant for him and him only. As I have stated my relationship with her son was beautiful and true and for me the hardest part to let go because he loved me unconditionally, he didnt make the choice to be around me but still he gave me that love that has touched my heart deeply. I will be sending him a gift for his birthday it will not include anything for my ex. On another note my ex called me last night twice, in between 7:30 & 8:00. She inquired about my family and general things. She had known that my brother and his wife had been on the rocks for quite some time and contemplating divorce. Since we have broke up my brother and wife have been turning thing around, being more considerate of each other, talking with each other more, and just overall putting forth a much greater effort to make each other happy. In telling my ex I hinted how a few improvements can make all the difference. At this point I inquired about her sister and her brother-in-law. Which had been having a hard time of it over the past few months. My ex said that they had gotten new jobs, which allowed them to see each other more (they were working opposite shifts 6 days a week) and that there relationship has changed completely for the better and thay are talking about having there first child. Here again I hinted how a few improvements can make all the difference. Other than that we talked about her son for a bit and how the nice weather made it fun to go to the parks and such, which I remarked how I missed doing that with them. We also spoke about finding a school for her son to go to kindergarden soon. She remarked that she couldn't find a school as good as the one we had found together near the house we were going to buy together. Also about school getting out and her only being able to work two 12 hour shifts over the summer verses the four 12 hour shifts she had planned to work when we were together because I was going to spend the time she was work with her son (which I was looking forward to very much). But now she has changed that because she can't let her son be at a baby setter for that amount of time. It was all I could do not to say we can still get the house and he can still go the good school and I can still spend that time with him. But maybe that is what she is looking for? Well the conversation ended with "I will talk with you later." & "Well good-bye Hun". I really do miss my family. They have been the light at the end of the tunnel That I have looked for all these years. I really feel that her and her son make all the suffering and trials of life worth it. Although I was scared to commit to them out of my own fears of not being good enough for them, I can't believe anyone could be good enough for them, except me now. This experience has really shown me that I want a life with them and I wouldn't change anything about them. I do appreciate your interest. I do value your opinion.

[redheadone]

Well,

 

It seems that some of the memories are starting fade for about a second then they are right back. I gone over the past 2 years of my life, all the good times and all the bad, and questioned myself. Well what I can see is that I did what I thought was right at the time. Now I see lots of little things about me that I will change. At the time I had not learned how to be in such a relationship and feel now that I have this insight I could be so much more compatiable. I do still wish it could be with the ex but every day I see that it will not. It is a shame to have wasted all these feelings, hopes and dreams but that is out of my control. I do still hold on to the hope but know I should not. Well if there were a quick fix for happiness I would love to have it now. Thanks for reading my story. I will update if something note-worthy comes up.

 

Thanks

[AnotherChick]

Readheadone...

 

Goodness! I am so happy I checked on your story. I was really pleased to see the new posts. However, I was concerned about the last one because I could see the hope had faded some. Did she say something to you after the conversation about family members, schools, etc.

 

I'm not trying to send you mixed signals, and I stand by my observations so far, but it was very refreshing to hear you say some of the stuff about how "I thought I wasn't good enough..." and "...now I realize no one else is good enough for them". You found some confidence, then it all eeked away by the last post.

 

So here's the deal. As I've followed what has been going on with you and your girlfriend, the common theme is you saying that you have dropped hints about your feelings and desires. If you still have feelings and she is still talking to you, you need to step up to the plate and quit with the hints. Get down to it. I mean get down to all of it, and don't miss a beat.

 

Make a list of your feelings.
 
Make a list of where you feel she misunderstood you.
 
Make a list of things you want to work on.
 
Make a list of things about her that concern you (from the point of view that you are concerned about her welfare and not being accusatory)
 
Make a list of all the things you have felt since the break up.
 
Make a list of how she has hurt you
 
Finally, make a list of all the things you think you need to apologize for.

That is a lot of lists, but do it, and shoot them over to her. Just get all that crap out on the table for her to look at all the facts. If she doesn't come back, then you know you have done your due diligence. If she sees all that she may realize she wants to come back. Just perform this act without any expectations except that YOU GAVE IT YOUR ALL.

 

One thing I have learned is that if you care about someone, then you and them are both worth the effort. Right now, I think you need to get some of this stuff off of your chest as much as you need her to know it.

 

K. I'm out here in cyberspace cheering for you! Good luck!

[redheadone]

AnotherChick,

 

Thanks for your continued interest. I have contemplated many times to do what it is you are saying. It seems that the majority of the advice in these forums disagree. I also feel it may be too soon for that. We have been apart for almost 4 weeks. Do you think this is enough time to let her think about her decision? As you may have noticed that she constantly blows situations out of proportion (drama) and she is a very stubborn person, wouldn't this be a little pre-mature? I know this is all part of a game. I know I will get over this for myself first but at the same time I don't want to decrease my chances because I didn't think things through as I have done in the past which essentially has put me into this situation. I will be sending her son the birthday gift next week. I also have contemplated sending her a mother's day card. Do you think this is inappropriate? I really do value your insight. Me being 29 you would think I would have had more experience than this. She is my second long term relationship and the first real relationship that wasn't based only on sex for me. I can truly say that she is the first girl that I felt I would marry. I don't want to sound as though I have not had relationships in the past. But I always stayed detached because I knew it wasn't going to be more than physical, which I had stated up front. I didn't let them go much further than that because I knew where I was in my life, the majority of the time and felt that I would not truly be giving 100% due to school, career, the need to explore. So I couldn't hurt someone like that or let myself be hurt knowing that I would end it eventually. When my ex came into my life I had finally felt I was at the point in my life where I could make someone happy and put a 100% into it. But as I have found out had not prepared myself, through other relationships, to do this properly. I have learned allot, through this pain, about myself and about others. I do wish I had the chance to share these experiences with my ex and her son. Well I guess I am rambling now. May be this is all for the best. I didn't see how breaking up could be positive but every day I see the big picture. Now I just need to let go of the pain and forgive/thank her. As I do work on myself I see several things she also needs to work on. Although I don't feel she is motivated/mature enough to see that need for herself. Which saddens my heart further because even though she is not my partner anymore I don't want to see her get hurt or taken advantage of. I welcome any comments. Once again thank you.

[AnotherChick]

I find it interesting you are wondering about my suggestions versus the ever popular "no contact" rule that so many people reference on this forum. When I typed that, I actually though about whether or not you would notice my advice contradicts every other post about everyone else's break up experiences.

 

So, take another look at my sig line. "No real answers here, just lots of life experience".

 

You are right, she seems like high drama, and stubborn. I called that out the first time. However, my concern is not really about her, because she isn't posting anything to my knowledge. Based on your posts, you just seem to be adhering to the "space" rule, while she continues to reach out. You are hurt because you want her back, so when she reaches out you drop "hints", make excuses to talk around the issue, when you really just need to get this off of your chest.

 

My opinion, you're going to lose your opportunity to share this. Then it will be too late, and you may miss your chance. High-maintenance, stubborn, drama queen, or immature....you must care about her for a reason! If you take my suggestion and do the list excersize, my point was simple that you need to do it for you. Not because of your need for a desired outcome. You're just giving up because you don't think you can make a difference and you're not sharing stuff when she calls.

 

I'm not saying throw your heart out on the table. I'm saying throw the facts out on the table and be clear with her that this is just how you see it. She can take it or leave it. But you are taking the opportunity to get it out there.

 

She may still reject you. Who knows. I do know this. Recently a man that I care a lot about and dated for 11 months completely screwed up everything between us. Just because he was scared, used to his own time an definitely coming accross SELFISH. I cared about him so much but said screw it. I'm done. I'll get over this. I didn't talk to him for about a month. I figured he would do just what you are describing you are doing. Never have the guts to say anything to me, thus dooming our relationship. Fortunately, he had mustered up the kahoonas to come to me and point out how he screwed up, why he did it, what he realizes he needs to change, and that he sincerely wants to because he did care about me after all.

 

We have had a good second chance so far. That's why I'm suggesting you quit screwing around and step up to the plate with this stuff.

 

Good luck!

[redheadone]

AnotherChick,

 

I do believe you are passionate about your advice. I find you to be a very giving person and I do admire that. It will probably surprise you but I have done exactly what you have suggested. I spoke with her earlier this morning to set up a time to meet and speak. We are going to have lunch on Tuesday. In the conversation I had asked her if she still loved me? She said yes in "Da of course" kind of way. She asked me if I had been on any dates of which I indicated 3 of them. I then asked her the same question and she said 2. She also said she has done alot of thinking and has changed the way she approaches life. Such as not jumping into thing without looking. Well do you have any advice for the meeting on Tuesday? Please Please give me some tips.

 

Thanks

[GeeCee]

Hi Red

 

I am going to have to disagree with AnotherChick here. Obviously the 'list strategy' has worked well for her and her ex. I think that for you and your ex, given that she is stubborn, full of high drama etc, I am not so sure that it will work. My gut feel is that it is too early to present your ex with a list of this nature.

 

Both of you have confessed to a couple of dates with others. It is more than likely both of you sat there, during your dates and made mental comparisons with your ex. What you need to do, I think, on Tuesday is create some positive memories for your ex to go home with. Remind her of the fun things that you did, do tell her that you miss her and her son. But do this in as a light a manner as you can. Make sure that she knows that you would welcome her back, but that you cannot wait around forever. You have stressed that she is a stubborn woman, as such, I don't think that she will come back until she is adamant that SHE HAS MADE THAT DECISION. Stubborn women (I am one), will kick and scream against things, even if they are good for us, if they are enforced on us.

 

I would be attempting to make the date light, and chipper. Remind her of why she fell in love with you. Share past positive memories, and try and plant the idea in her mind, that there is plenty of more to come, if she would come back to you.

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[AnotherChick]

Hello,

 

I would say that when you combine my advice with the previous poster, the message is tell her how you feel. The previous post has another good strategy to offer by saying "keep it light".

 

So, I think in short, contemplate the things you want to say the most. I'm sure if you thought about it long enough, it boils down to 1-2 things. Consider some ways to share this without attacking her and you might be gold.

 

One thing I have learned over the years is that when you have something SOOO important you want to tell someone, it is hard not to just hold back until the moment and mood are right. However, holding back until the right moment and mood are in place is key. So when you meet on Tuesday, try to be as relaxed as possible.

 

Good luck!

[GeeCee]

Yes, I entirely agree with AnotherChick. Timing is crucial. The other thing to remember is WHY you are telling her what you are telling her. Presumably she KNOWS that you love her and her son. Don't tell her these things, just because you need to get them off your chest, because that is tantamount to simply fulfilling your own needs, and really, you need to be fulfilling HER needs.

 

Caution and balance, combined with light and chipper. It is a real tight-rope. And remember to try and enjoy yourself as well!!!

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[redheadone]

Hi,

 

I just wanted to give an update. Well yesterday I had set a time to visit with my ex on Tuesday. The way we left it, I would give her a call on Tuesday to figure out where to go. Well Through the course of the rest of Saturday she called from her job at 6:30pm (was at the gym, didn't answer) then from her cell at 7:30pm, an unaviable call at 8:00pm, Then a call from one of friends phones at 8:20pm. I did not bring my phone with me last night so I have not talked with her. I have left her a message this morning. I am afraid that she is calling to cancel or somthing. She did not leave any messages. What do you think is going on now? Thanks for the advice and support I really do appreciate it.

[AnotherChick]

Unfortuantely at this point it is just a "wait and see" game. I assume you've tried calling her back. I hope you are able to connect and everything goes alright.

 

Try to relax and not let it bug you.

[redheadone]

AnotherChick,

 

Yesterday was quite bad. I had letft her a message at 10:00 a.m. in response to the missed calls from Saturday. She has not called me back. I found myself expecting her call and I wanted to wait around for it but forced myself to be active all day. Ended up going to bed at 2:00 a.m. and drempt the hole night about her with other men. Needless to say I feel physically horrible. I am starting to think that I am not upto the lunch on Tuesday. As it sets I am supposed to call her Tuesday Morning to make arrangements. I almost don't want to go so I can hold on to the hope rather than face the chance of her saying it is over again. Should I cancel? I really want to be strong here. Thanks for listening.

[redheadone]

Just a quick question.

 

Should I call her on Tuesday if she has not called me back?

 

Confused as to what to do.

[AnotherChick]

Take a moment to breathe. First thing first, take care of you. If this feels like too much for you to handle, then it is. If you are losing sleep, then that is a very good clue that this is just tearing you up.

 

I know that you want resolution, but you really must take care of yourself above all else. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Get some sleep. Tell yourself you will wake up in the morning and decide how you feel. If you are up for it, then you will call her. If you are not, then you won't. Besides until you are sitting right there in front of her, nothing is final. You can hesitate and change your mind all that you need to. Even if you are in front of her and things are too intense, you can also leave. Nothing is holding you to this situation or this person but you.

 

My point is not that you need to be cruel, but you need to be concerned about your own health and well-being. So again, take a deep breath, close your eyes and go to sleep. Wake up tomorrow and just goes with what feels right. Any decision you make will be the right one!

 

-AC

[redheadone]

AnotherChick,

 

I called her today at 9:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. She indicated to me that she was not ready to speak to me face to face and did not want to lead me on. I did agree. Well we got into the relationship talk any way. We did talk about a few key topics and she did feel that I had changed. Throughout the conversation she stated that it was over and that she will not flipflop on such a decision. I asked her how long she had contemplated breaking up with me and she indicated it was 2 weeks. She had asked me if I had cheated on her in the past and indicated that I most definetly had not. (which is the truth) Some of the main reasons she said she had left is that she didn't think she made me happy. Other than that she thought that we were too different. It didn't seem that there were too many reasons that stemed from her it seemed to come from me. I said that if she really loved me and I had improved myself than she should give us a chance. She said "why would I want to get back into a relationship where I expected you to change?" I then asked how she could start to date if she had not figured out our relationship first. She then said that is how she has always done it. She says she loves me in a different way and can't bear that this causes me so much pain but wishes I could get over it. She also told me that her son's birthday was this friday, to which I said I wanted to send a present and she said that would be alright. I just don't want to give up but everything is saying to do so except my heart. I did indicate that this time has given me the clarity that I want to devote the rest of my life to making her and her son happy. Well any advice her? We have been apart for exactly a month. Should I give up the hope. Needless to say I feel like I am back at square one with this. She says that if we were to get back together it would be years down the road. I also told her that I need some more closure. I am worried that she is not learning from this and will enter the relationship to ease the pain and just put herself into the same situation and not have grown. I do want to meet her in person or is that asking to much. Any info would be greatly appreciated. You are so kind to give your outlook on this.

 

Thanks

[redheadone]

I am afraid that it is completely over for me. I had another conversation with her which seemed to go better. Some time after the conversation I got a wild hair to ask her to marry me. Well I did! As you may suspect she said no. I was prepared for the answer and did not break down. I felt I needed the closure if anything. I think that there will be no more hope for her to realize her mistake. She still says she love me but not the same way, and that I am going to be a great husband and father someday. I don't know if I am in shock or what my feeling are in a really weird place right now. Any observation good or bad are appreciated. Thanks for listening to my story.

[redheadone]

I am really freaking out here!!!!! Pleas egive me something?

[redheadone]

Today has been a challenge for me. I can't seem to control the emotions at all. I still want there to be hope but know it is best to not have it. How can I go on like this. I am not the type of person to let people into my heart. It has amazed me that she had created such a vast sea of emotion inside of me. I was the guy that people thought had no emotions or could control them explictly. I don't know what to do. This is starting to effect my job and it is not like that doesn't have enough stress already. Please give it to me straight.

[Something funny]

Just try to take it easy and wait. Things will be better. Your chances for getting her back will increase and you'll be feeling better soon. Step back for a month or so; you'll be surprised of what might happen in that time, both with her and you.