I "Did my time, took my chances"...

[DaXMan]

I have come to the point where I need some real help getting girls (by this I mean the girls at least some guys would consider dating) to "see" me as in actually knowing I'm around and willing to talk. My closest friends are similar to me in terms of personality around girls, but they even get more attention than me (by this, I mean the girls talking to them) and the odd thing is that it's likely more people know me.

 

I am a bit shy around girls (I can admit that) but I do try to initiate conversations and know that I have to make the first move in order for anything to work.

 

I can also admit I don't have a ton of friends that are girls either. The problem is that either I don't talk to the girls enough (the won't get to know me) or that I talk to them too much when I feel I don't (they think I'm annoying) so I am only an aquaintance with a lot of them-I do what my friends do, but they talk to my friends and not me, unless I'm with my friends.

 

I hate to say this and you guys will probably disagree, but I feel I have some "rep" that only the girls know-since I get along with most of the other guys in my school. The problem with this is that I have never had a gf, never had s*x and I never abused a girl either. I feel that may be part of it since it's kind of weird that I'm the odd man out all the time, even when I do things right.

 

In short, I use the strategies some of my friends use (the ones that get the girls to like them as friends at least), but even when I excecute them right, they backfire-in fact, even some unattractive jerk that every guy in my school wants to beat up can get attention from a hot girl (it's a real example). Everyone refers to me as the "good guy" (doesn't get in trouble, well-rounded including school, will do what's right, etc.) so maybe that has something to do with it???

 

Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.

 

P.S. - No offense but I'm not looking for "be yourself" or "someone is out there for you". I need some immediate, specific help because this is starting to be a bit of a problem and even some of my friends are noticing I don't get a lot of attention from the girls although I try to.

 

P.P.S - Bonus points if you can tell what song the title of my topic came from (quoted part) Hint: these words are heard near the start of the song, and it's from a sports movie made in the 80's, and is part of a set (more than one movie, like Movie 1, Movie 2, etc.)

[Rage]

I know exactly how you feel mate! As a result i am unable to help you as i am in the same position.

 

I have now given up on girls as they bring nothing but pain (Love is Pain), weird species though aren't they (the girls)?!

 

just leave them alone and try to have fun without them!

[psycho_Jr]

"just leave them alone and try to have fun without them!"

thats a good point,you will NEVER succeed if you are not happy without a girlfriend and keep in mind that you cannot chase women

 

i am not experienced enough like you to make more comments,others will give more insight

[Christi84]

eye of the tiger

 

i can't really give you much advice on how to get girls...i usually don't go after girls myself. the thing that works best on me is to be yourself...i know you didn't want to hear that but that's my opinion. sorry i can't help you out more...good luck hun

[ck]

No offense but I'm not looking for "be yourself" or "someone is out there for you"

 

And wouldn't you know it somehow they just ignored your request. 8)

[doorik]

Any girl that wears a push-up/padded bra has no right to ever tell a guy to "be yourself" - thereforeeee that rules most girls out

[Christi84]

i wasn't ignoring him when i said that...i said that i couldn't help him with his problem..but what works for ME is for a guy to be himself. stop criticizing me if you don't know me. i really don't appreciate that.

[DaXMan]

After reading everything you guys said, here's what I have to say (it's not bad):

 

1.) Don't get into a war over what someone said.

2.) I'm not giving up on girls.

 

To make things worse, my "shy" friend appears to be hooking up with someone, so I'm practially alone now (out of me and my friends) in terms of gettign the women to notice me. Again, any help is greatly appreciated (again, specific help)

[ck]

No ones criticizing you, if you were going to tell the man what he told you not to say.

 

Then why say it?

[berkvis]

Hey,

 

hmm, the song is Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor and was in the Sylvester Stallone movies, Rocky.

 

Am I right??

[DaXMan]

yes, it's from Rocky III Eye of the Tiger

 

I still need a little help here though...

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, Since you seem to have a lot of friends who are guys, then why don't you use the same tactic on girls. I mean, I know a lot of girls who you would mistake for "guys" if you were hearing them online. This is because you can't be shallow and like girls just because they act ditzy, and have no mind. People think differently and as one of my friends says, they are something like an NP complete (I think) problem. This is a problem that would be easily solvable, except it has so many variables and is so easy to change, that there is no hope of even starting. What people don't realize, is that guys are basically the same. If you go up and just start talking about stuff, they will probably be pretty friendly. Try not swearing, maybe try talking like you would talk to your cousin or uncle. Hope if you don't find what your looking for from me, you find it somewhere else.

[Scout]

First, there's probably nothing you are doing to turn girls off, unless you're bopping around singing "Eye of the Tiger" (sorry, I think this song truly epitomizes the dreadful mainstream music from the eighties).

 

Some of us are just "late bloomers". Keep up your efforts at initiating conversation, getting to know people. At least you're out there trying, and let me tell you, that gives you an edge a lot of others don't have. It will pay off. You sound like a bright, personable guy, and the older you get, the more you will have polished these traits and your confidence will build. Stick with it, and as trite as it sounds, do keep a basically positive outlook. It really works.

[Mitler]

Well I certainly don't have all the answers for you, but I am in the same boat. I seem to be missing the part of my brain that lets me socialize properly with girls. If I like a girl, I can usually talk to her a little bit once I've been introduced. It's extrememely difficult for me to initiate with a complete stranger. It's almost like a physical disability to act normally or something. Then there's also the fear of what could happen. Not just being rejected either, but what to do if I'm not rejected? It's almost like a phobia. Do you have any of these types of feelings? I've gone so long without having anyone that if I'm not sure about a girl sometimes its almost a relief to find out that she already has a BF or that she's otherwise out for me. Scary huh? Of course there are some girls that I would not question, but that would just be too easy (i.e. it will never happen).

The answer?: J/K that doesn't work for long.

[relical]

DaXMan,

 

I dont know how old you are, i am 24, in the same boat. I completely agree that this "be yourself" advice is not only useless but in a way detremental to ones success with women. Same goes for "wait for the right person"... i've been waiting, i've been myself - i am 24 now. This isnt working.

 

There is something about what one would call - players, the casanovas, and don juans that triggers all the right things in women. I am interested to know what these are and in turn develop them myself.

 

Anyway, i am experimenting a lot lately, doing studies, putting myself in situations where i can test certain theories of mine. I will be posting the results on these forums when i have them.

 

DaXMan,

 

Good job on the post. Seems like this board need less self loathing and instead more sound and practical advice. Advice that comes from direct experience.