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He is so much busy, how to be an understanding girlfriend


Prachi_Sri01

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Hi

It started about 2 yrs back, when we both were in college.Those 1 and half years with him are still memorable.It was perhaps the best time in my life when we used to be together 24/7. In college we used to spend all the time together and while in our respective hostels we used to constantly message and call. However after college is over things have changed.He is trying to settle. He wants to be a businessman.Presently working in a small restaurant to gain experience.He doesn't have time to talk for even 5 min.Goes in morning and comes back by 11 night. It has been a year since we left the college and since then our relationship has been deteriorating.I miss those days and his presence too which I rarely got. As now we have moved back to our respective homes, meeting is nil. Only phone calls are the medium. ](*,) On one side I feel weak because I miss him so much and he is not around( I feel even he should understand my feelings), on the other hand I get angry on him and I am not able to be an IDEAL GF to him. An Ideal gf will perhaps support him and understand him while he is at work but I am so much upset because of this separation, I am not able to talk to him nicely. Many times I get ANGRY and unsupportive to him. Help . Kindly tell me whose side is correct, mine or his and what should I do so that my lonliness also reduces and I am able to support him.

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I'm sorry you are going through this...

 

Exactly how often do you talk on the phone? You mention he doesn't even have 5 min. most of the time... From what you describe, if you barely talk and never see each other, I can't see how any relationship can sustain near zero communication in all ways.

 

Being supportive is one thing but exactly what one is supporting has to be reasonable. People can have periods in their lives when they are busier than others but you seem to be saying almost zero talking anymore. Is that right?

 

If so, I think he needs to be willing to find creative ways to stay connected with you if this living arrangement/situation will be continuing beyond short term. Otherwise, just by the sheer nature of the silence & distance between you, things can deteriorate.

 

Relationships are like plants in a sense... With just our little effort in watering them, they blossom very beautifully. Lacking that, they shrivel and die....

 

He will need to put some time aside to talk with you. Then, try your very best to speak with him in a non angry, non accusatory way about your feelings. He will listen to you best that way. Stress to him that you want to talk about it not because you are angry but because you love him and want a little more balance so that your relationship will remain strong through this time of separation. Think about everything you'd like to say beforehand & how you would like to say it.

 

Wishing you well....

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I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now. I know it must be difficult to want to make things work so bad, but not knowing how.

 

To be honest, there really isn't a right or wrong side to this. However, you are both guilty because there is a lack of compromise on both sides. Yes, I understand that he is busy and you should understand this, but he is the one that rarely has the time for you. It's bad enough that you don't get to see him, therefore he should at least incorporate more conversation to make the relationship work.

 

A relationship takes hard work, and an effort of both parties to ensure that it will work out in the long haul. How can he expect you to hold on when he is not giving you anything to hold onto?

 

I strongly suggest that you talk about your feelings the next time you do speak to him. Find out what he suggests, and if he is willing to try to make it work. Otherwise, I don't see the relationship going any further than it is now.

 

Good luck!

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Not a zero communication exactly. We do talk at 11 pm, night but by that time he is so tired after working whole day.Its not like he doesn't talk to me, he does, but in these circumstances I feel as if I am the one who is becoming a pressure on him. Initially we used to discuss almost everything as we used to be always together. I used to discuss everything only with him, like my happiness, sadness, frustrations, anger almost everything i used to feel. Now the thing is when he calls me at 11 pm, I can't discuss anything like before because of 2 main reasons. 1. It is now STD for him for we cannot be on phone for a long time 2. If I tell him everything, like before he gets more stressed and asks me not to increase his tensions. Now its like even if I talk to him, I have to restrain myself every time, so that I don't increase his tension and expenditure both for him. I don't know what to do. When I say this to him he says"Try to support me, you don't know what i am going through, I have been working.Its not like I had been roaming and not been with you. Whatever I am doing is for our future only ". These words of him make me quiet again and it keeps going on like this. Kindly tell me what to do in this situation. I know he is a nice guy and he is not faking but mine and his conditions are clashing against each other

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Whatever I am doing is for our future only ". These words of him make me quiet again and it keeps going on like this. Kindly tell me what to do in this situation. I know he is a nice guy and he is not faking but mine and his conditions are clashing against each other

 

How long does this circumstance have to go on for still?

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It sounds like he's justifying his busyness becaue he's working for your future together? If his job is very demanding and you are also demanding attention he may feel pulled in both directions.

 

Could you not suggest that you arrange a regular couple of nights a week where you meet up and spend some time together? That way he and you can plan what time you spend together.

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It sounds like he's justifying his busyness becaue he's working for your future together?

 

If this is true it is kind of akin to a catch 22 in that his busi-ness may very well impede that future together that he says he is working toward.

 

Another thing... it isn't usually wise to make such grandiose, long-term (small ones are fine ) sacrifices in favor of future 'happiness'. Who knows what will happen in our futures? Better to live in the present moment and take care and nurture things in the present moment. We know for sure that we have that.

 

There is that habitual human thing we do in saying "I'll be happy when xyz happens". In the meantime, we are missing the happiness available right in front of us within the current moments.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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