arcadefire Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I don't think that being "drunk" should excuse any behavior. Ever wonder why drunk driving is illegal? People should know to not put themselves in those situations. A drunk kiss is still a kiss, drunk or not. There is a person behind that kiss, and if that happens to be your partner, then it would leave me to believe that this person doesn't care for me enough to think before straying. A kiss can lead to sex. There is definitely a reason to get upset over a kiss. It's not something "just friends" or acquiantences do. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 There is definitely a reason to get upset over a kiss. It's not something "just friends" or acquiantences do.Upset well yes, maybe for that day but if it's 5 months later and like the girl in the story, you still going to bring it up and have trust issues over it along with depression (overly hurt attitude), I would freaked out and think that person's got a problem with themselves...Needless to say an drama king (who can't get pass a minor miss judgement) would scare the hell out of me, I would be running the hill... Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Everyone has different boundaries. Just because you think something is ok doesn't mean other people should feel the same. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Wrong. It is a significant deal and if people were to react on your terms, that is forgive and forget right away, that would simply scream a message to the cheater that since he got off so easy that next time he can get off this easy again. I'm not saying that most cheaters would react that way but why take the chance. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Wrong. It is a significant deal and if people were to react on your terms, that is forgive and forget right away, that would simply scream a message to the cheater that since he got off so easy that next time he can get off this easy again. I'm not saying that most cheaters would react that way but why take the chance. My response to you is the same thing I told the OP. Just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean she has to think it's wrong. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 My response to you is the same thing I told the OP. Just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean she has to think it's wrong. I think myself, along with others, are grearing a response based on a clear assumption that entering the relationship it was agreed that cheating is also defined by kissing/ making out with people outside of the relationship. It's a no brainer that if the person didn't think it was wrong there would be nothing to hold against the person that commited the kissing. It's when kissing others holds the definition of cheating in the RS is when it should be taken seriously. It's true though how vastly we vary with our definitions of what's right and wrong in relationships. I mean some couples are content in serious, life long relationships by going to orgies together and letting their partners sleep with ousiders on a regular basis while in some relationships (cultures) it is an act of cheating when a woman even as to speaks to another male. I've seen a lot of this in the UAE. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 I never state what is versus what is not cheating. What I meant is the inicial reaction towards that type of lack of judgement. For example: You're reaction will not be the same if you were to lose $5 versus getting your thrown out of your house and left homeless... One is a minor one, while it will still sting a bit that day, off course you're not gonna go into that desperate angry mood as the other case which is serious.... That's what I meant by the inicial reaction about the girl from the story. Her reaction was as if the guy had an ongoing affair for years when it was a drunken kiss with a random girl he didn't know... Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I'm sorry, that's cheating either way. Drunk or not. This is why me and my boyfriend DONT drink. If he had a drunken kiss, or I did, we'd break up. If I told him I had a one time drunk kiss, he would break up with me. If not for good, ATLEAST a good break that lasts a month or more. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 And yes, I consider kissing cheating. I consider "talking" while in a relationship cheating. I consider any time spent with a guy that you WOUlDNT tell your boyfriend about, is cheating. Basically anything you wouldn't feel 100% okay with telling your boyfriend about, IS cheating. This is something me and my boyfriend agree fully on. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Oh, and yeah whatver....That response that you said that girl had? She had absolutly EVERY right. You can't judge, just because you wouldn't do that doesn't mean others cant or are over-reacting if they did. Because you know what? I, ANND my boyfriend would have the exact same reaction. Even break up over it. Either way, drunk or not, it's a betrayal of trust. And if they let alcohol cloud their judgement, the relationship and their morals wern't very strong to start with. I don't stand for ANY deception or cheating. Meaning if my boyfriend was hanging out with a girl alone frequently, and no cheating or "talking" took place or anything like that, I would still be PISSSED. Why? Because he didn't tell me. It's the principal. If it's a one time hang out, fine. If it's a recurrance, no sirrr. That's just showing there is something to hide. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Ok if both of you are happy with it and agreed then that's all that matters. Funny, we never really got into this conversation about that. I woud like to assume he must be on the same page as I am. Though, I can be wrong. Maybe, maybe not... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Drunken actions/words are sober thoughts in my book. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I totaly agree. They are hidden desires by the subconsious. so if a perfectly happy person is with in love with you, by doing drugs or taking a drink, why would that suddenly fling themselves into an others arms? Obviously there is more to it than a "drunken mistake." I have a friend that is more or less, a drunk. He's NEVER cheated on a girl friend no matter what, even with tons of girls around. He still controls how he acts. "alcohol did it" is a copout. There is more of a reason to it, and an underlying cause he isn't happy in the relationship or he finds a problem with you. Link to comment
Kantriakhor Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Ok if both of you are happy with it and agreed then that's all that matters. Funny, we never really got into this conversation about that. I woud like to assume he must be on the same page as I am. Though, I can be wrong. Maybe, maybe not... Assuming things about boundaries is a recipe for disaster, especially when they're lax. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Before a relationship is even offical, I make sure my boundries and morals are the same as his, If not than bye bye! Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 If they can't respect me and my wishes, than they obviously don't deserve me. If they think that a drunken kiss isn't a big deal, than I would cut the relationship off at the throat before it even progressed. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Before a relationship is even offical, I make sure my boundries and morals are the same as his, If not than bye bye!Ok good to hear that. Yes you always have to have rules all the time. This was not quite talked about in my case so when I get a chance to talk to him, guess I might have to bring this up and see what he thinks. Depending on how his reaction will be, I'll either state mine or change the topic and don't ask again. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 How long have you been with him? By making this post and saying that it's no big deal, and considering it's still going on and your argueing still that it's no big deal, leads me to think that it ACTUALLY is a big deal to you, if not huge, atleast more than your letting on. Otherwise, if it was no big deal, would there really be a reason for this post Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 How long have you been with him?It's been 3 years now. Started dating (being official exclusive) on August 2006 but we been in the LDR since May 2007... By making this post and saying that it's no big deal, and considering it's still going on and your argueing still that it's no big deal, leads me to think that it ACTUALLY is a big deal to you, if not huge, atleast more than your letting on. Otherwise, if it was no big deal, would there really be a reason for this post Not arguing, just pointing out how I perceived some stuff but the importance is if the SO is on the same page as the other person and they're happy with it, that's all that matters. About the post, I was just wondering, that's all, never really try to argue. Link to comment
happylady Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I am personally a pretty paranoid, germaphobe person who could def see myself leaving my SO over something like this. I make it known from the beginning that I dont drink, dont like people that drink to the point where they cannot control themselves etc. So in my personal experience it would not be tolerated. Different strokes for different folks. I am not right nor am I wrong. My best friends friends baby got herpes because her brothers girlfriend kissed her on the mouth... imagine that. Link to comment
happylady Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Rose cute avatar btw Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Herpes from a kiss on the mouth??? Never heard of it..... Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Herpes from a kiss on the mouth??? Never heard of it..... Cold sores are herpes Link to comment
Rose21 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Thats why when people get cold sores you dont kiss them.. common sense. I've never had a cold sore, but I get canker sores often, from my retainer irritation and not having enough, vitamin D I think it is? But canker sores are totally different then cold sores. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Ok wow, so now there's also a KTD (kissing transmitting disease). Ok, yikess.... That would suck big time.... Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.