Please help me save my relationship!!!!

[butrflyblue]

I would appreciate any advise you could give me as I don't know what to do. Last week I noticed that my boyfriend was acting distant for several days. He was nasty to me on several occasions and when I finally tried to discuss these things with him he said he had been thinking about alot of things and was concerned because he had grown very attached to me and the fact that I have children from a previous relationship was making him contemplate whether we should continue with our relationship. This devastated me because before I agreed to date him we had a serious discussion about this and he was okay with this. We ended up getting into an argument and he asked me to leave. I left his house under the impression that he had just ended things with me. The next day I wrote him an email and told that although I did not want things to end that I understood his reservations and would respect his choice. But that I wanted him to know that I would pray for only the best for him. He wrote me back and said that he was going to call me after work and tell me that I was the woman he wanted in his life and that he wanted to stay together but because I wrote the email I did that I obviously wanted to end things. I tried calling texting and emailing to talk to him. Finally he called me and told me for the first time ever that he loved me and that I was the best girlfriend he had ever had but he would not say if we could remain together. Then last night I text him that I missed him and wished we were together and he texted back that he wished the same and that he loved me. So today I text him and asked if we could get together on Monday and talk and he did not respond. Then I text that I wanted to be with him but that I needed to know if he felt the same. He did not respond. I am not sure what to do. We had a great relationship up until now and I am just devastated. Please someone give me your advice on what to do. I want to stay with him but don't want to push him either.

[uofagirl]

How long have you two been together?

[butrflyblue]

we have been together a year

[uofagirl]

It seems like there is maybe an underlying issue going on here, or maybe something that's been bottled up for awhile and is just now surfacing. It could easily be the fact that you have a child from a previous relationship. Sure, he was okay with it 'then.' But things change. I'm not saying that's it, but it could be a definite reason.

 

Now, he owes it to you to talk to you so you know where you stand. It's not fair of him to just leave you hanging. I think you are taking the mature road here and that's good for you. You've got to worry about you and your child.

 

Men have a hard time expressing their feelings. And a man must think about his feelings before talking about them. While we women, can feel, talk and think all at the same time.

 

Whatever is going on inside there, I'd try not to take it personal and I know that's hard. But try not too.

 

There is something going on inside him ... and maybe he is just trying to figure it out. Give him a little space and see if he comes around.

[nutbrownhare]

It sounds as though he's getting seriously committed to you, and just needs to work through his fears. He may have been OK with the idea of just dating someone with kids, but if he's getting more attached he will really be looking at the implications of taking on someone else's family. He just seems to be really torn at the moment.

 

For now, do nothing. If you can, really take care of yourself - go out with friends, spend a day in a beauty salon, anything which will make you feel really good about yourself. But you've sent him two texts to which he hasn't responded; he knows your feelings, so I know it's hard, but really, really leave it at that. Any communication from you right now is more likely to push him away than clarify the situation. I'd guess that he'll be right back once he's worked things out in his own mind, but he'll do this all the sooner if you don't contact him.

 

I guess this isn't what you want to hear; but I really wish you all the very best in this situation, which must be agony for you.

[gsxr104]

I agree with nutbrownhare. He is absolutely right. THat is the best advice anyone cojuld give. It is hard to do nothing but that's your only chance believe it or not. Going through a similar situation myself and I know exactly how you feel. It's very frustrating but you have to. The chances we take when we choose to love.

[catfeeder]

I would stop contacting him and let him work through things. By asking him for a talk, you've put some pressure in his cooker at a time that he's clearly not ready for that.

 

He knows how to reach you when he wants to. The only way either of you can feel confident in his feelings for you is if he moves things forward by his own choice--in his own time, in his own way. If you try to rush that, you can smother it.

 

In your corner.

[pumpkinmoon]

I would also stop contacting him and let him come to you. In my opinion you have done enough already.

 

It seems to me like he is playing some sort of game with you. Your email definitely did not imply that you wanted to end things, if anything quite the opposite, and despite you telling him straight out that you don't want things over he is choosing not to reply even though he tells you that he wants to be with you too. Just doesn't make sense to me at all.

[butrflyblue]

thank you all so much for your wisdom. I will take your advice and back away for awhile it will be hard. But I guess this is the only thing to do.

 

much thanks

butrfly