What do you think my chances are?

[Something funny]

Okay, I'll try to sum it up briefly..

 

- She left me about 5 weeks ago, she thought the relationship had gotten stale and boring after 3½ years

 

- I begged for two days and got harshly rejected

 

- Started No Contact after 2 weeks

 

- I've been focusing on myself for the last 3 weeks, excercising, making new friends

 

- She's contacted me a couple of times, wanting friendship, I said I needed more time

 

- She doesn't have anyone else, but she's been seeing some guys, flirting and stuff, according to friends

 

 

I want to wait a couple more weeks before trying to contact her again. Now after some time I've realized that I don't really need her, but that I've lost a damn good woman. What do you think my chances are of getting her back?

[nenez]

Hi

You need to re woo her.

If your relationship has gone stale, present her with a new dynamic independent you. This means no begging, no pleading etc.

 

If you can see her great, go for a drink and show her that although you admire and love her, you are an independent person who can moe on, who has themselves and who is not needy or bitter.

Don't ask her about new guys. State clearly that it was great to see her. Don't make a new date but leave it open for her to ring you.

 

At worst you will have retrieved all your dignity, at best she will contact you.

 

If she wont see you, write a nice letter thnking her for all the good times you had, all the nice things she did for you etc, say clearly how much you admire her independance. Tell her that you regret it ending (don't ask her back) Tell her what you love about her.

You can say she might have been right about it going stale and suggest that there might be ways to ignite the spark again. Do not specify.

At best she will contact you to find out what this is (think of something exciting you used to do and perhaps no longer do or a brand new thing)

At worst you have closed the door with niceness and that is always good.

 

However I reccomend that if she does not take you up on it, you leave her alone. If she changes her mind she may well initiate contact of her own accord. Sometimes stale and safe is not exciting but it can be just what you need. She may come to that conclusion on her own.

 

Also a posibility, chat to a friend of hers to see how she is doing. Be upbeat and confident, not bitter or needy. The message will filter back that you are fine witjout her. Again dignity plus and she may contact you on the stength of it.

 

Good luck

Nenez

[Something funny]

Those are some good points!

 

But I think I really do need to be the one to intitiate contact next, since I made it pretty clear to her that I needed some time alone, and that I would get back to her once I had gotten on my feet. She replied that she respected that and would wait for me to make the next move.

 

I'll wait another couple of weeks to really be confident in my independance (I feel as if I should be able to handle a meeting today, but I want to be on the safe side) and I'll follow your advice. Asking her to go for a drink would be a good "test" of sorts, I know she likes taking a drink but she thinks it impairs her judgment somewhat. If she just orders a coke or water or whatever, I know that she's still afraid and that she's not ready to relax in my presense yet.

 

I just hope I can avoid becoming simply her friend, since that's what she's stated that she wants. Any tips on steering things in the right direction?

[Hopingpraying]

Funny,

 

Nenez is giving good advice, and you are giving yourself excellent advice too. I just wanted to reconfirm it. I've read so many posts on this message board believe me I know good advice when I see it. Heck I may just take Nenez's advice for my situation..

 

As for steering things in the right direction, all you can do is be your new self confident you. Remember that you have limited influence on what she wants and for her to date a few guys may just be the thing that makes her come back to you. Remember that many, many guys in this world are imature a$$holes and sometimes it takes being with one for a woman to realize how good they have had it. Don't get me wrong ladies.. Guys do this too.

 

Good luck Funny I hope things work out for you, and when you do contact her in a couple of weeks please post back and let us know how your doing!

[ziggystar]

i think you need to be up front about what you want out of this too. i don't mean necessarily pressuring her, but being honest that being friendly and talking is great, but it's a committed effort towards rekindling the relationship and working things out. but if she say flat out "no" then you must accept that. and if she says she needs time, then you give her time without contact and go on with your life. it's hard, but it's honest.

 

i'm trying to do that myself, but i'm trying not to rock the boat which isn't working. sometimes you have to rock the boat or you'll be in limbo. and limbo sucks.

 

good luck!

[Something funny]

I don't think that "fixing" the old relationship and reentering it would be the best idea however. I would want to treat it more like a new relationship, without discussing the old (at least not initially). I don't think I should show her that I want her "back", rather that I simply just want her.

 

However, I guess it's much too early to be talking about that. I still have a couple of weeks to go before even making my first move.