ok... it's me again and it's over. how does the NC work or even help?

[iamgrl30]

OK... i have found out that this site has helped me more then anything. and i appreciate everything that i have gotten as far as advice or words of encouragement. so heres what happened... and i could really use some advice...

yesterday after a family emergency i was texting who i thought was my best friend. he got them instead. force of habit with texting him or a phone malfunction which i think is what it is because this isn't right first time it happened. so after i sent her a message about how i was just done with this guy, he got it!

well he called me and i didn't answer. only because i was just going thru a lot. so eventually we got into a screaming match and i got him to come over so we could say goodbye. when he was there he kept holding me and telling me how much he will miss me and how much he cares for me. and he needs time. i told him that i am going to delete his name from my phone and all pics. and he said that he wasn't going to do that. that he needs time because all of this isn't just effecting us it's effecting the things and people around us. and all he wants is time and space to miss me. he actually told me he still wants to see me this weekend because its my bday celebration! why on earth would he want to put me thru that! he knows how badly this is hurting me. he said that he has me sitting in limbo, and it's not fair to me. and until he can clear his head this is what needs to happen. THEN talked to my best friend for a while telling her he cares so much for me. and wants to work on things that he does that was contributing to the relationship having so many issues. and that he doesn't want this forever. but just for now. he knows he will miss me. and he just needs time. and then told her that he wants to come out on my bday weekend. but that i don't want him there.

SO... today is day one of NC. how does this work or even help? does it look as tho he wants to clear his head and get back together eventually? and if he calls to i answer? how do i do this? i need some real good advice here. anyone ever do the NC and have the man come crawling back? if he asked me back today, i would say no. but how long does it usually take a man to contact you if you aren't contacting him? and why want to come out on my bday knowing that i am not at all even comfortable with that. HELP!!

[guitargirl1607308056]

NC is exactly what it sounds like - NO contact.

 

If you think there might be a chance for you both in the future, but you just need time to roll things over in your respective heads, then set a date (be it alone or together). Plan to take 2 weeks, a month, whatever of NC so you can gather your thoughts and be with yourself. During this time that means no e-mails, no text messages, no phone calls, no Facebook contact, etc. It's a time for you to a) heal b) reconnect with yourself and c) experience singledom again so you can make a truly informed decision on whether or not that relationship was healthy or toxic.

 

Good luck.