Needed to write it all out

[mikeca]

I'm basically know what I'm going to do, im just kind re-affirming my ideas on here, so without further a due I present the back-story.

 

Ive always separated my work and personal life, always has a 'rule' never to date a co-worker or be one of those guys with a GF still in high-school or whatever. I began working close with a young girl (17-18 ) for over a year and never really thought anything of it, even a year ago people thought there might be sometime between us, but I was shocked they even thought that. Fast forward to this summer, I'm trying to run to get in shape for a police exam I have coming up. I know shes really fit and into running so I ask her to run with me to gauge how I stack up. Well were suppose to run a trail but ended up walking and talking it twice the first time, we exchanged texts here and there, mostly about when we'll walk it again, and just how busy work was..etc. She's been accepted into a nursing program just over an hour away in a different city, but over the course of summer I began to feel something, I kinda ignored it on the fact she's 18 and gorgeous, and Im 24 and practically her boss, but eventually i started to hear/pickup signs coming from her that she might be interested. So on August 16 I told her how i felt and she told me the same but that she just got out of a bad relationship, so we took it slow up until the 21's when she asked me out and we ended up kissing for the first time, things progressed really well, I even initiated a talk regarding whether or not she wanted to continue this when she moved, she did and even during the first week she moved to the new town I visited her for 3days, and we ended up making love for the first time last week.

 

Well...

not even one week later I go up there for a work related trip but had time to see her and now shes ice cold. She tells me she's wanted to find herself in a new town and start a new life with new friends and that she's going to be there for four years training and I might be god knows where if I get accepted into the police. I told her I wanted to try and we could take this on together but to no avail. I then told her something I said to another person on this board "two pieces must be whole themselves before they can join as one" I'm just shocked I guess at the turn-around, how quickly it all changed from "I'm miss you so much" to NC since it happened. I know we haven't dated long but I could see so much potential here, and some say this was a year in the making. Shes been used by her first BF and the scars are still there, and I'm a really nice guy (I surprised her with roses and blanket under the stars on our workplace roof for her last day, she told me it was the nicest thing someones done for her) one that could ease that pain easily yet she told me not to fight for her, she's not worth it. But I knew there was nothing I could say, once a mind is on this track anything else I could say would look like pleading so I parted with a farewell kiss that I asked for, I didn't want our last kiss to be what it was, she ran off after that, and I let myself out.

 

So basically I'm going NC, giving her some space to see what she wants, I told her I'd be here for her, when/if shes ready, I think she may have thought she was ready and rushed into this wanting to be happy but isn't exactly fully healed herself. It has gone pretty fast and I cant settle for friendship given the potential we have as more.

 

I have been really into that David Cook song - come back to me the lyrics seem to shine for this situation, especially the bold.

 

You say you got to go and find yourself

You say that you've becoming someone else

Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

 

You say you're leaving as you look away

I know there's really nothing left to say

Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I'll wait for you

 

So I'll let you go I'll set you free

And when you see what you need to see

When you find you

Come back to me

 

I had the bold as my FB status a day after and thanks for the outside opinions!

[Ebrithil]

I got really close to somone once and I found that inorder for me to be whole I had to be with her we were only ever friends but thats what made me complete so maybe for you to find your center you need her as well.

 

When people want a new life it just means for them to lose the negative aspects of their personality meet new people and portray themselves as the person they want to be, but that doesnt mean that they cant take be best parts of their old life with them. Talk to her find out what she wants and sugest a way that you can be apart of her new life that she will be happy with, if not together just as good friends.

[beerock]

all people are half a soul, they unite to become one soul, that is when they give birth to a new half soul, whichc searches for their other half and the process starts all over again for eternity..

 

In terms of humans, we are not built to be alone and thats a psychological fact, regardless of all the bs of in order to find someone you must be happy with yourself etc....

[mikeca]

Update,

 

One of her friends was saying she's done this the last couple of times shes been interested in someone, go out and things progress really well then once it starts to get remotely serious she breaks it off and says shes really busy and cant continue. I must admit I figured the scars from previous relationship are holding her back. She's afraid of getting hurt that way again, I can relate but now I wonder if NC is the best option, or perhaps I should show her I'm there for her unlike the others who ran? Im passing through the city on my way to my exam next wednesday and have begun to think perhaps a coffee invite might be a good idea, but part of me thinks nothing has changed and she still said what she did before we parted, little confused now.. ideas?

[mikeca]

I need some fresh takes on this, I think im doing the right thing but I feel the need to talk it out with someone, and I really like this girl, just last week she was saying our song is ''nickelback - never gonna be alone''. I came on here in the past from a different breakup and NC worked to get her back but after awhile we broke up again, this is the first girl i've felt something about since her, i think i may have ignored my feelings about taking it slow and scared her off abit, now her friend added me on FB and i've been thinking of asking her what she thinks even though part of me says thats a bad idea..thoughts?

[mikeca]

Well after some more thinking I believe I will try this course of action, I'll try LC since we havent been dating long. I began to think NC is more for a longer-term relationship for an all or nothing approach which might not work to my best interest here. Im just wondering how to intiate that first text to get the ball rolling, its gotta be light i know but ''how are you?'' just doesnt seem to cut it. I suppose I should just be honest and ask something along those lines. Thanks again for the advice.