Meeting a cyber friend for the first time!

[christinesee]

Hi all. I have not been around here in an age. Not since I posted about the guy I meet online that vansihed on me. Come to find out.. after making contact with him like a year later.. He is married. Told me he got married after he vanished on me. I'm not buying that and My guess is that he was married all along! OK. So that's that. Over him and have fully moved on.

 

Now, the puropse of this thread. I've been chatting with another guy online. He's adorable and like 10 years my junior. We have a real nice connection and he wants to meet. We are meeting in 2 weeks. He is driving 10 hours to meet me. I know that sex is on his mind as he has shared that with me.. and is real into me. Now, I guess my question is.. Would a guy make that long of a drive only for sex? Because if that's the case.. I'm not interested. I'm looking for more. I am taking the trip with my brother.. so I will not be alone.. and I'm meeting a few other friends as well.So I feel safe. Any thoughts please??

 

Christine

[offplanet]

well, he might. Tell him your brother's coming, etc, so that if sex is all he's coming for, he would bail out. Then you'd know.

[christinesee]

well, he might. Tell him your brother's coming, etc, so that if sex is all he's coming for, he would bail out. Then you'd know.

 

He knows I'm coming with my bro. And what do you mean bail out? Are you saying he would back out from meeting in the first place? Or that he would use me for a weekend of sex.. and then not contact me again?

 

Christine

[amipushy]

You tell him straight up... I am meeting you to see if there is a possibilty of a relationship so if you are not doing the same, move on.

 

Just because a guy travels 7 hours doesnt mean you are obliged to pay him with sex for his effort, his reward is and should be meeting you in real life. And if you feel that thats not enough, thats your low self-esteem convincing you otherwise.

[Siriana]

He is driving 10 hours to meet me. Would a guy make that long of a drive only for sex?

 

Of course.

If I were a guy who wanted sex badly I would do that.

You don't have to have sex with him just because he decided to meet you.

I don't think it would be even mature or smart to do so.

[christinesee]

You tell him straight up... I am meeting you to see if there is a possibilty of a relationship so if you are not doing the same, move on.

 

Just because a guy travels 7 hours doesnt mean you are obliged to pay him with sex for his effort, his reward is and should be meeting you in real life. And if you feel that thats not enough, thats your low self-esteem convincing you otherwise.

 

Excuse me! But are you saying I have low self esteem? Cause if you are your wrong! And he has expressed that just meeting IRL is going to be a reward. We both don't know what will happen! I'm reallistic enough to know that the chemistry may not even be there... and I have a feeling that he is too. Even if the romantic part does not work out, we have both stated that the friendship will be there and that's good enough. I guess I question if what he has told me is real? I mean how do you really know? Most guys are after sex.. lol. Perhaps I am just scared and with good reason!

[christinesee]

Of course.

If I were a guy who wanted sex badly I would do that.

You don't have to have sex with him just because he decided to meet you.

I don't think it would be even mature or smart to do so.[/QUOTE]

 

I agree with you.

[D_Lish]

I remember your story. I can remember saying also, that the previous guy was likely to be married and I was right. Glad you eventually got the closure you were looking for and good riddance to bad rubbish....

 

Now for the new guy. You know he has sex on the mind and because he's mentioned it...so sex is something he's likely expecting and he will and would and be prepared to have sex with you, whether he feels a spark or not. Men do not need to feel a connection nor have feelings, to have sex. Most will take, what is offered on a plate.

 

Some men would travel all that way and just for sex, especially if their supply is short or non existent. However, I dont think he will be travelling all that way for sex in itself, but to perhaps see if there is potential for something more between you. Naturally he will be curious about you, as you are about him.....

 

If you are smart, you wont offer it up on a platter. Think of it as a meeting to see if you two 'click'.....let him go home and see if he contacts you after the visit. That will tell you, all you need to know.

[christinesee]

I remember your story. I can remember saying also, that the previous guy was likely to be married and I was right. Glad you eventually got the closure you were looking for and good riddance to bad rubbish....

 

Yup.. Your were right! And yes.. good riddance..lol

 

Now for the new guy. You know he has sex on the mind and because he's mentioned it...so sex is something he's likely expecting and he will and would and be prepared to have sex with you, whether he feels a spark or not. Men do not need to feel a connection nor have feelings, to have sex. Most will take, what is offered on a plate.

 

He did tell me he needs to have a strong emotional connection in order to have sex.. and I feel the same way, so that's a good thing. He's very attractive, so my guess is there is no way he could be that hard up. (no pun intended).lol

 

 

 

Some men would travel all that way and just for sex, especially if their supply is short or non existent.

However, I dont think he will be travelling all that way for sex in itself, but to perhaps see if there is potential for something more between you. Naturally he will be curious about you, as you are about him.....

 

I want to believe this is the caes.

 

If you are smart, you wont offer it up on a platter. Think of it as a meeting to see if you two 'click'.....let him go home and see if he contacts you after the visit. That will tell you, all you need to know.

 

 

Good idea!

 

Thanks.

[ackerman]

totally depends on the guy, its easy to fool people online but its definitely best not to have sex on the first time no matter what the bond is. if his mission is to just have sex with you then its mission accomplished, back home, 10 hours away doesnt have to worry about you coming round. but yes on the turn side to that 10 hours is a long way to go just for sex.

[christinesee]

totally depends on the guy, its easy to fool people online but its definitely best not to have sex on the first time no matter what the bond is. if his mission is to just have sex with you then its mission accomplished, back home, 10 hours away doesnt have to worry about you coming round.

 

Very good points. And the second part here is my worry! I am not a ONS type of woman!

[D_Lish]

I wish you luck anyway. Pleased that you went on to meet someone new.....just like I told you, you would and at least this one wants to meet!! LOL....Keep us posted

[Batya33]

I screened out the just for sex guys by sticking to men who lived in the area, by meeting in person ASAP after our first phone call, meeting for coffee or a drink (or a meal) in a public place and declining to meet anyone in person who made sexual innunedoes or comments before we met in person (and of course inappropriate comments after we met in person). I erred on the side of not meeting someone. I didn't go to the person's house, get in a car with him, or invite him over to my house until there's been at least a few dates (and after he checked out as far as his last name, where he worked, lived, his age, his marital status, etc). I met over 100 men in person through on line dating and personal ads.

 

I am sure a person would drive ten hours to have sex. I am also sure that most guys are not after one night stands, just like most women are not.

[CharlotteRusse]

This is my first post.. I just fell on this thread.

 

I may have missed it.. but if you didn't tell him maybe you should tell him that sex is NOT on your mind at this point.. all you want to do is meet him and go from there. Plus I think you already told him that you were meeting him with your brother.. but still... maybe he thinks your brother won't be with you all the time..

 

If he chooses to drive all that mileage for you.. then just enjoy the 'date' and if you don't like him.. you don't have to worry.. he lives far enough so he won't stalk you..

 

Good luck.. keep us posted..

[christinesee]

This is my first post.. I just fell on this thread.

 

I may have missed it.. but if you didn't tell him maybe you should tell him that sex is NOT on your mind at this point.. all you want to do is meet him and go from there. Plus I think you already told him that you were meeting him with your brother.. but still... maybe he thinks your brother won't be with you all the time..

 

If he chooses to drive all that mileage for you.. then just enjoy the 'date' and if you don't like him.. you don't have to worry.. he lives far enough so he won't stalk you..

 

Good luck.. keep us posted..

 

Welcome Charlotte

 

Good point about the living far way thing. I am going to talk with him later today, and make sure we are both on the same page here. I mean would I sleep with him? Yes.. if emotional and physical attraction is there. But, only with the understanding that I was looking for the R to go some where. Did that make sense?

[Batya33]

It doesn't make much sense to sleep with someone you've met for the very first time (the typing/talking really doesn't count as far as whether you're compatible for the longterm and unless you've run an extensive background check it's the same as meeting a stranger on a street corner and then letting him put his penis inside you ten minutes later), and if you give him the impression that you would that's even less safe. Of course if you decide that you want to have sex with a stranger then you apparently have assessed all the risks of that behavior (very risky in my opinion).

[CharlotteRusse]

It doesn't make much sense to sleep with someone you've met for the very first time (the typing/talking really doesn't count as far as whether you're compatible for the longterm and unless you've run an extensive background check it's the same as meeting a stranger on a street corner and then letting him put his penis inside you ten minutes later), and if you give him the impression that you would that's even less safe. Of course if you decide that you want to have sex with a stranger then you apparently have assessed all the risks of that behavior (very risky in my opinion).

 

 

IMO he's not quite a stranger.. if they chat, call, email a lot.. they already know a lot about each other. As far as sleeping with the guy the first time, I don't think she's 16.. so as a mature person, I am not playing games.. we have no time to lose.. Life is too short for that bs..

[D_Lish]

Welcome Charlotte

 

Good point about the living far way thing. I am going to talk with him later today, and make sure we are both on the same page here. I mean would I sleep with him? Yes.. if emotional and physical attraction is there. But, only with the understanding that I was looking for the R to go some where. Did that make sense?

 

How long have you known him?

 

Also, I wouldnt sleep with someone, hoping it would lead somewhere and someplace else. So you may infact like him and be attracted, sleep with him.....and never hear from him again.

 

A woman should never have any expectations at all from a guy, if she is willing to offer herself up on a plate and BEFORE exclusivity and a relationship been established.

For while you may have an online relationship.....this is not as of yet, a REAL LIFE established relationship.

[christinesee]

IMO he's not quite a stranger.. if they chat, call, email a lot.. they already know a lot about each other. As far as sleeping with the guy the first time, I don't think she's 16.. so as a mature person, I am not playing games.. we have no time to lose.. Life is too short for that bs..

 

 

That's right Charlotte he's not a stranger.

[christinesee]

How long have you known him?

 

Also, I wouldnt sleep with someone, hoping it would lead somewhere and someplace else. So you may infact like him and be attracted, sleep with him.....and never hear from him again.

 

A woman should never have any expectations at all from a guy, if she is willing to offer herself up on a plate and BEFORE exclusivity and a relationship been established.

For while you may have an online relationship.....this is not as of yet, a REAL LIFE established relationship.

 

You make perfect sense D. And just for the record I am not in anyway the kind of woman that would even have a ONS.. but you know, at this point in my life.. if we meet and it happens and ends up that we never have an R and have sex again.. then, I can deal with that. I'm not in love with him at this point. Also, there is a very good possibility that IRL we both will not feel the same. I am nervous about this.. and will take every pre-caution to protect myself.

[Batya33]

That's right Charlotte he's not a stranger.

 

Yes, for safety purposes he needs to be treated like a total stranger. Or have you not read the many many articles about playing it safe when it comes to meeting someone in person for the first time and the many many articles about what happens to women when they don't play it safe?

 

Look, if your orgasm is more important than your physical health and safety, that's your choice.

[christinesee]

Yes, for safety purposes he needs to be treated like a total stranger. Or have you not read the many many articles about playing it safe when it comes to meeting someone in person for the first time and the many many articles about what happens to women when they don't play it safe?

 

Look, if your orgasm is more important than your physical health and safety, that's your choice.

 

Are you calling me dumb or something? First of all I am taking this trip with my brother a family member. I'm also going to be with a group of people for part of the time. So, how can he possibly chop me up with an axe.

 

I think the biggest concearn I have with the sex part is STD'S but I'm pretty sure that can be taken care of by using the proper protection if things should get to that point!

[Batya33]

Are you calling me dumb or something? First of all I am taking this trip with my brother a family member. I'm also going to be with a group of people for part of the time. So, how can he possibly chop me up with an axe.

 

I think the biggest concearn I have with the sex part is STD'S but I'm pretty sure that can be taken care of by using the proper protection if things should get to that point!

 

I am not calling you anything. I stand by what I wrote in my post. Is your brother going to be in the room with you when you have sex with this guy? And of course protection doesn't protect against all STDs and doesn't give 100% protection against STDs or pregnancy. Especially when you have sex with a stranger who an easily disappear should you have a problem later.

 

Your cavalier attitude towards your safety is scary. But again if the orgasm is that important to you, go for it!

[christinesee]

I am not calling you anything. I stand by what I wrote in my post. Is your brother going to be in the room with you when you have sex with this guy? And of course protection doesn't protect against all STDs and doesn't give 100% protection against STDs or pregnancy.

 

Your cavalier attitude towards your safety is scary. But again if the orgasm is that important to you, go for it!

 

Actually I would like to hear what you have to say. I don't take meeting in this fashion lightly or I would have never started this thread. So, tell me how to keep myself safe?

[Batya33]

Actually I would like to hear what you have to say. I don't take meeting in this fashion lightly or I would have never started this thread. So, tell me how to keep myself safe?

 

Meet him in a public place for coffee during the day -- do not go in his car or let him go in your car or in any car where you are. Plan to meet for an hour. Do not leave your drink unattended at any time, even to use the ladie's room. If it goes well, and he is going to be in town the next day (he should not know where you live and you should not go to his hotel) then you can meet him again for a meal, preferably during the day, same safety precautions. I would not have sex be a topic of discussion for this meeting. If the meeting go well then you can plan another in public date or dates just like any normal couple.