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We're both horrifically shy


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So at first it was quite cute that the man I am interested in is as shy as I am. He understands when I do things that would seem antisocial to others because he has the same quirks. But now it is becoming a problem that we can hardly interact in person. We began emailing each other a little over a month ago and it has picked up quite a bit. As has the nature of the emailing. We have so much in common, an incredible amount, and a great bond forming because we really get each other. There are plenty of sparks and great chemistry and we've started getting really quite personal and serious about our topics. The problem is, we can have fun with innuendo jokes and be incredibly open in an email, but as soon as we're around each other we're absolutely petrified of each other. We interact in person but we both act incredibly shy and nervous. I think the problem is that we've built up such a connection and know each other so well now that our intimacy through email scares us. Also, a big big factor is the fact that we work together and we have never seen each other outside work. Also, our type of work limits how much we can actually see each other during the day, so another big problem is having these sporadic moments to talk.


I think the reason I'm posting this is because I want to know if there are any other shy people who had a similar problem where they were interested in someone just as severely shy as themselves but still managed to overcome, and how you managed to overcome? Also how long did it take? I really don't want to mess up what I have started with this man just because I'm too nervous to speak. I really have a great connection with him. We just need to move it from the internet to daily life face to face.


Thanks in advance!

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well i sort of have a relationship like that. We are both shy, she may be a little more than i am. We can talk constantly through texting (from like morning to night non-stop almost). When she first started giving me calls, we would be able to talk for at least 20 minutes or so (which is good since it was during our breaks from school or watever), but now its hard sometimes and we can barely find anything to talk about for 10... We aren't petrified of each other in real life, but i can see where you are coming from. Try to strike up a conversation with him and make each other feel more comfortable around each other. Or just break into some sort of game or activity. It is easier sometimes too if you both are in a group, that way you don't always have to be the one that initiates the mood.

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I'm a shy person and I get this way when I meet up with someone I like. Shyness takes time. I used to be REALLY shy in high school, but I got over that after 11th grade. He's gonna be equally shy meeting you. Small talk helps, talk about work or any likes or dislikes, music he likes, movies, etc.

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You've never seen each other outside work?

That is very weird.

I believe one of you (him) should ask the other one (you) out on a date.

I think that is necessary.

Until that happens how can you even know that you are on the same page?

I would flat out ask him (I would ignore my personal rule that he should ask me out because he's shy - but just once, not every single time) to grab a coffee on a particular day (yes, I would be precise) asking him which time suits him the best. Maybe you're to shy for that - but one of you has to do it and looks like it's gonna have to be you lol.

If he has a problem with that - and doesn't want to meet I would never send him a single email ever again.

Sometimes it's the best to just face the fears.

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I think you'll only get more comfortable with time and patience. I think the shyness if something you'll both just have to brave through. I know of a shy-shy couple that had the most awkward first week ever, but then things starting clicking into place and they've been together for years now. So stop using email/internet as a crutch, and just hang out in person. What is stopping you both from hanging out outside the office? Is it possible to get lunch together, or take a walk after work together?


I would suggest that if you do do something, make it something where talking is not the central aspect of it (e.g. movies, museums). That might help take the pressure of both of you while you try to get to know one another. Or maybe something physical like hiking, ... stuff like that. I don't know if this would do any good in this case, but I think it's really cute when couples write each other handwritten notes. Maybe that's something that's just a little less electronic, and a little more in the direction you're hoping to go? Sorry, there are no clear remedies, but I think in answer to your question, there are many people who get over shyness and end up really happy together. As for how they overcame that... just persistence more than anything, I suppose. Btw, is this the age-gap relationship guy?

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I'm not shy but I found that with certain people we had better communication and more compatible senses of humor over e-mail and if we e-mailed more than we spoke on the phone or saw each other in person it could be quite awkward. Those were not people I ultimately was comfortable dating, if we didn't get over the awkwardness sufficiently as we got to know each other.

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