Am i too pushy?

[engraved2008]

Me and my boyfriend are on whats call a break,or a step back in relationship ,due to his college and long distance,he has one more year until finishes.

His phone is suspended since monday,so he can only receive calls,but cannot make any calls.I caled him on tuesday morning to see how he is doing and to discuss when we can see each other again.He seems stressed with school,and he has no money,but i do have a full time job.He told me that we need both of us to save money and we will talk about it.also he told me ,he may call me that night later ,but if he does not ,is because he is tired,and told me to please not call his house where he lives with his parents.I do call there in emergency but he does not like it.

I have not heard from him past three days ,so i called friday one time,and today in the morning at his cell phone but he did not answer.

My question is ,since he states he cares a lot about me and mises me,why did he told me not to call his house? He done that before when he was gone to his cousins for a month. i too pushy,or he is hiding something,or just does not want to be bothered?

[boonpop]

It sounds like he needs space. Hell even I'm confused where you all stand by reading this post so I know for a fact he has to be also. You say you're on a "break", yet you call, call, and call the house when you can't reach him knowing that he doesn't like it. I've been stressed out about a few problems in my day and although it sounds strange, sometimes the person most available is the person you least desire to speak with. If you all are on a break as you suggested, then give him just that, a "break". Let him come to you.

Aside from that, why would you automatically assume that he was hiding something just because you couldn't get in touch with him? Are his actions giving off suspicions that he may be doing something wrong, then again, if you are on a "break", like you suggested, then there isn't possibly anything wrong he could be doing as a single man now is there.

It kinda sounds like you're thinking too much about him and what's occupying his time during your so called "break". Maybe this is a better time for YOU to reevaluate your position. Ask yourself what YOU really want and decide if he is it. A break is a nice way of saying, "I don't want to put in the effort to really sustain what we have right now, yet at the same time, I'm not ready to let it go. Let's just wait until things naturally deteriorate by stepping into this fog where the line are blurred and we can always use the "break" as an excuse."

If it is to be, it's going to take work. There are no time outs in the cultivating of a relationship.

[annie24]

i agree with boobpop. since you are on a break, i would leave him alone, and let him be the one to contact you. chances are, your conversations will be a lot better when he calls you when he is in a good mood, rested, and has some minutes. as opposed to you hounding him down. i think boonpop gave some good advice. take this time on this 'break' to decide if you want to be with a guy, and wait 1 year for him, if this relationship isn't fulfilling your needs!

[catfeeder]

He knows how to reach you when he wants to contact you. Why not stop doing all the work and let him show you when that will be?

 

If he's not willing or able to give you enough contact to keep you happy LD, you have the option of breaking things off until a future time when he's more capable of devoting focus to the relationship. If you're on a 'break' now then it sounds like that's exactly what he's asking of you. You're not obligated to wait around for him, and I certainly would stop calling him.

 

He knows how to reach you when he wants to. I'd leave it be.

 

In your corner.

[mikem]

Seems kind of strange that he doesn't want you to call his house. Even if you are on a break..

[Jd1983]

I think that you should just give him some time to be alone. That's why it's called a break. Maybe he needs to clear his head, and by you actually constantly calling him - it may seem as though you are hovering over him. He has your number if he really wants to contact you. Sometimes it may actually work against your favor by not giving him his space because it can slowly drive him away. I am not entirely sure what happened within your relationship or if he was the one asking for a break, but it does seem as though he wants his time. Respect his wishes and it may or may not work out. Good luck.

[lady00]

Is this the same guy from your thread "break up over surprise visit" or a new guy? Based on the behavior in that thread, the guy was most likely married. I hope this is a new guy.

[annie24]

HOLY SMOKES!!!!!

 

girl, i would walk away from this man. he is not treating you right, and i am 90% positive he has some other women on the side. most people would LOVE it if their LDR just showed up as a surprise, unless it was in the middle of finals week or some other stressful time! the fact that he doesn't want you calling the house, doesn't want you showing up, thinks you are too pushy.... my goodness. let this man go, and go find some other guy who thinks you are the bees knees!!!!!!!!!!!

[metrogirl]

Is this the same guy that broke up with you when you suprised him with a visit?

 

You also say that you help him with money, does he talk to you more when he wants/needs more money?

 

Everything sounds very fishy to me.

[lady00]

Well, looking back on everything, I've put together that it must be the same guy, as you say you've been together for a year. I doubt you will take the advice to dump him or want to believe that he is probably cheating but there are so many red flags here I've lost count. I hope that sooner or later you leave this man.

 

You ask if he is hiding something--I think it's pretty clear that he is.