Lesbians who pursue straight women

[LolaBella]

In one of my classes, there was a girl who acted kinda weird around me, after awhile I realized that she was gay and was acting weird because she was attracted to me. One day, she slipped me her number, and I never called her. Soon after, she dropped the class, I never saw her again. Maybe she felt humilated because she got rejected. The thing is, is that I'm not gay, and I don't know what made her think I'd be interested in her. do I give off lesbian vibes or something? Even if I were bi, she surely wouldn't be my type at all.

[annie24]

i think you should just be flattered.

[brokenpogostick]

I guess I'm not sure what her deal was, but I would have done the same thing you did. I would feel very awkward if a lesbian hit on me because I'm definitely not into getting with women.

[waveseer]

I feel just as comfortable telling a woman "no" as telling a man "no". I have lost a friend or two when they failed to "convert" me.

[LolaBella]

I feel just as comfortable telling a woman "no" as telling a man "no". I have lost a friend or two when they failed to "convert" me.

 

Right. But it's just that the majority of people are straight and for me, getting pursued by a lesbian is awkward because it's different to me. I just was curious as to what made her think that I was gay/bi and interested in her.

[Sunflour]

Y'know, it's not always easy to tell who's gay and who's straight unless you ask. There's no one lesbian "look". So she was interested and took a shot, but she's not your type. No big deal. It doesn't mean you're radiating gayness!

 

If a woman asks you out, just turn her down politely, the same as you'd do with a guy you didn't to go out with.

[waveseer]

Right. But it's just that the majority of people are straight and for me, getting pursued by a lesbian is awkward because it's different to me. I just was curious as to what made her think that I was gay/bi and interested in her.

 

You're breathing, the same thing that it takes for a man to think you might be interested.

[agent1607307371]

In one of my classes, there was a girl who acted kinda weird around me, after awhile I realized that she was gay and was acting weird because she was attracted to me. One day, she slipped me her number, and I never called her. Soon after, she dropped the class, I never saw her again. Maybe she felt humilated because she got rejected. The thing is, is that I'm not gay, and I don't know what made her think I'd be interested in her. do I give off lesbian vibes or something? Even if I were bi, she surely wouldn't be my type at all.

 

You act in hope, not expectation. Straight people don't give off a straight smell. Why should she think you wouldn't be?

 

 

I also think you're reading too far into her dropping the class. It's more likely that she knew she was dropping the class and decided to give you her number before she did.

 

And face it, she gave you her number. That wasn't a pursuing, that was testing water.

[greywolf]

In one of my classes, there was a girl who acted kinda weird around me, after awhile I realized that she was gay and was acting weird because she was attracted to me. One day, she slipped me her number, and I never called her. Soon after, she dropped the class, I never saw her again. Maybe she felt humilated because she got rejected. The thing is, is that I'm not gay, and I don't know what made her think I'd be interested in her. do I give off lesbian vibes or something? Even if I were bi, she surely wouldn't be my type at all.

 

She gave you her number hoping you might be into her. As for being humiliated, lesbians and gays go through far worse. I doubt she dropped out just because you 'rejected' her.

 

If I started a thread right now that said "Men who pursue lesbians" and complained about a guy trying to 'pursue' me, I think it'd look a little bit silly, dontcha think?

[Lucy__lou]

I guess I'm not sure what her deal was, but I would have done the same thing you did. I would feel very awkward if a lesbian hit on me because I'm definitely not into getting with women.

 

It's my opinion that all straight people who wish to help make the world a less cruel and judgmental place for minorities, need to educate themselves and take a bit of time to put themselves in the shoes of these other people. In this instance, we're talking about a girl who is either bi or lesbian. And because you have not taken time to educate yourself and get used to the non heterosexual component of our society, a girl giving your her number has caught you off guard.

 

I am bi, and I've been on the recieving end of this surprise, not by women I've hit on, but simply women I've outed myself to, and this unreadiness that a lot of straight women have, for encountering non heterosexual women can be very hurtful. As a woman, you must know that women can be sensitive and perceptive, and if you're weirded out, most women are going to pick up on it, and feel hurt. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a connection to your silence and this girl dropping out. I'm sure your silence must have hurt her. Admittedly, I think this girl's approach, of simply giving you her number out of the blue, with no lead up, was dumb, but then, crushes can make us do really dumb impulsive things that make no sense to the person who isn't crushing, and has all their mental faculties working properly.

 

I suggest that if this ever happens to you, or any other straight girls reading this, that you be more grown up about it, and actually talk to the girl. You could have either spoken to her after class or called her up and kindly tell her that you're not interested, and that you're actually straight. And be mindful that she might feel bad, and be kind to her, say hi, make sure she doesn't feel ostracised. If you've been clear and firm, then you shouldn't have to worry that she'll think you are interested, just if you're nice to her.

 

Of course, at the end of the day, if you go after class mates, you're taking a risk that you'll be uncomfortable as long as you're in their class, but sometimes, if you want to die with no regrets, you take those risks. And she did. And you got weirded out. And it probably damaged her, as I've been damaged by straight women being weirded out when they find out I'm not.

 

When it comes to these situations, I believe it's the responsibility of the person who's been approached to be the bigger person, because as uncomfortable as you might feel, odds are that the other person is feeling more vulnerable than you, and if you can muster up the stength to be kind to them, and make sure they return to land safely, as uninjured as possible, then you've done something good. You never know how much little things like these can scar people. maybe you were the first girl she ever approached? maybe you were the first girl she ever liked, and maybe she'll be telling the story of her first rejection decades from now. When you reject someone, you have the opportunity to show kindness and bravery. Next time, consider this. And in the mean time, try to expose yourself to more Lesbian culture so that it doesn't seem so weird to you, because as much as we don't see much of it around us or in the media, it's everywhere. And staying wilfully ignorant, is contributing to heteronormativity in this sociey, which leads to homophobia. I know, you're only human, I don't mean to berate you, but I wish more straight people would make more of an effort to get used to us, so that this wouldn't happen.

[LolaBella]

I was nice to her. We used to sit next to each other in class, and we'd have small talk. It's just that at first I didn't understand why she would look at me the way she did, just strange, her eyes would always stay fixed on my face, always looking at my lips, hair, everything. Just weird. Still I was polite but I"m not gonna lie that once I realized that she was attracted to me that her presence made me uncomfortable everytime she sat next to me. She had to be bisexual because she had a son.

 

Anyway, if she gave me her number to inform me she was dropping the class, she would have told me because she sat next to me everyday. I never called her because I was not interested, and certainly did not want to lead her on.

 

I've had other lesbians who were much more aggressive, they knew I was straight but continued to pursue me and flirt even though I made it quite obvious I was uncomfortable with them doing so.

[unabashed]

Too bad for both of you that you couldn't just find it in yourself to be flattered by her interest in you. Your description of her giving you her number, then dropping out of the class seems to have changed--so was she humiliated by your lack of response or did she give you the number to inform you that she was leaving the class? Two very different interpretations. Yes. If you have had "other lesbians" (multiple?) pursue you aggressively, perhaps you are giving out mixed messages. Most lesbians are pretty careful about not pursuing someone who wouldn't be interested--no one likes rejection or humiliation. So, if there are lesbians, in general, feeling comfortable aggressively pursuing you, you may look at yourself and what vibes you are putting out there. Just like anyone, it's not looks alone that make someone attractive to another. It can be rather enjoyable to be pursued by someone who can't really have you, no?

[Lucy__lou]

her eyes would always stay fixed on my face, always looking at my lips, hair, everything

 

That would make me feel uncomfortable too. If I'm not interested in someone in that way, I don't want them looking at me in that way. Especially not in class. You get that at parties, bars, whatever, but it's not really suited to a learning environment. I know if a guy or girl who I only like as a friend gives me that look, I'll feel uncomfortable, and if they don't pick up on the signals that I'm not into it, I'll remove myself from their company.

 

If you wouldn't like a certain behaviour from a guy, then there's no reason to be hard on yourself for not liking it from a girl either. I still think you should work on not being more weirded out by women than men, but that doesn't mean you're a homophobe for being uncomfortable when someone gives you vibes they're attracted when you're supposed to be learning, not picking up. You're posting on here and thinking about it, and I think that's a good start.