gapeachcutie Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Hi everyone I am new to this forum and faced with quite a delimma and was wondering if you can help me out. On Tuesday 8/18/09 my girlfriend of 11 months decided to end things with me. She is going through menopause and she is depressed and is unhappy with her life..She goes through these mood swings where she is up and down. So I wouldn't have to go through the ups and downs of her relationship she decided that she loves me and respects me too much to take me through her ups and downs. She is miserable and doesn't want to make me unhappy. I understood this but it didn't make the pain any less. I got angry and I didn't go off on her or even curse her out... I just wished her well and told her that our paths would cross again. She did not treat me wrong or even cheat. She is just going through transition and is lost and confused on how to deal with everything that is going on, we love each other a lot and we are in love with each other beyond the telling of it. Tough thing is when we started out we began as good friends I would listen to her rant and vent about this thing that thing and the other. Our friendship took a change into the relationship waters. Things were great we have amazing chemistry that goes deeper than sexual, she is truly the missing puzzle piece to my life. So how does she expects us to remain friends after all we've been through and shared? Link to comment
metwo Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 i dont' even have to read your post to respond... not healthy. but now i'll read your post... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 There is not much you can do..she has chosen this path..rather than work things out with you she took the easy way out and bolted. Lots of women go through menopause and they don't split on their partner. Just let it go..maybe one day she will get her act together. I wouldn't suggest being friends with her at the moment. Link to comment
metwo Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 okay now i can respond... if she is the missing piece to your puzzle.. you need to tell HER that... and tell her that you couldn't deal with the mood swings... and to you... if you really loved her... wouldn't you be more considerate and realize that HORMONES... can truly change a person... and sometimes you just have to like.. get past them and get through to the actual person... she's a person to.. if you both were able to stop, breathe, for a min, and calm down... then things may get better Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 A person can remain friends with someone they are not in love with but have love for. It would be torture to be on the sideline hoping that some day you can be together. You would set yourself up for dissapointment. You need to scale back your interaction with her enough to allow yourself to heal, then when you are no longer in love with her you could explore the possibility of a close friendship. BTW I think its great that you two can be so mature about the direction of the relationship. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 ANYTHING whch messes with a womans hormones can make them difficult or impossible to live or deal with. Thats why I have my own thoughts about contraception. Link to comment
lukeb Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 ANYTHING whch messes with a womans hormones can make them difficult or impossible to live or deal with. Thats why I have my own thoughts about contraception. haha sounds like you are speaking from experience. Back to the issue at hand. You have to decide if you can be friends with her, but from what I have read it is probably better to part ways, there are just too many difficult feelings involved. Link to comment
gapeachcutie Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 thank you to everyone who responded... I'm taking everything you said into consideration. She e-mailed me today wanting to pass on birthday wishes to my daughter who turns 8 tomorrow, she said that my daughter was on her mind and that I was on her mind as well *shakes head* I'm a little more than confused. Link to comment
unabashed Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you sure that menopause is the only issue she is dealing with? From the little you've shared, it sounds like she is, at the very least, afraid of getting too close. You have responded to her pulling away as if this is a reasonable thing, but, in my opinion, it isn't, really. If I felt that way about someone, that they were my "missing piece," I wouldn't be so calm and well-wishing. I'd be more open about my feelings of hurt and betrayal--I would feel that I have this love and caring to give, and, even though I want to take care of them at this time, they won't accept it. It is a rejection couched in "it's not you, it's me" terms. That's how I would perceive it, and I'd call her on it. All the best. Link to comment
gapeachcutie Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 I'm sure it's just a menopause thing, but there could be more underlying issues in which she hasn't told me. I called her on it and she told me that she loves me and that she is in love with me...she has strong feelings for me or whatever she feels that she is not ready to sacrifice for the love that she feels for me. I felt rejected and unwanted all those feelings, because I do have so much love to give and I love with all my heart and thensome. I condiser myself one of the rare ones that everyone searches for. I told her a few things about herself and left it at that. She told me the other day that she feels like she is disconnecting from herself like she is trying to avoid painful situations or something like that. I haven't had any contact with her since that last email... I'm going through the whole NC rule and see what happens from there. Link to comment
chcmb43 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I dont know how women work, thats why I'm a man who loves men. But, coming from the perspective of someone who works to love someone who is insecure with themselves, the last thing you should do is leave. She is telling you that because her condition is causing her pain and messing with her mind. You need to stay with her, and just tell her that you love her, and that you didn't sign on for a short ride. You need to hold her, give her a room to herself if she needs some space, but DO NOT let her tell you that you leaving will make anything better, because depression lies..... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Remaining friends with someone who doesn't want you as their Significant One when you wanted them and gave them it all is like letting THEM have their cake and eat it too WHILE starving and depriving yourself of your own cake. Why do they deserve to have you in their life any longer? In time, maybe you'll be friends again, but until then you;re on their convienience. Burn the bridge. Link to comment
gapeachcutie Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I've taken all of your advice into consideration thanks a bunch! I haven't been in contact with her for almost a week, but she sent me an email today..I read it but I didn't answer it back. Is ignoring her the best way to go? or should I just talk to her Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.