My Own Sister Tried To Blackmail Me.

[chocolates]

Some people might now of the long running nightmare to sell my deceased parents farm. The family home.

 

A year and a half no offers, and then 2 on one day.

 

So we have sold it (its on contract so nothings completely definate i guess).

 

And up until now its been hell, as i have been looking after the farm when i actually live 6hrs away from it, whereas my sister lives 30 minutes.

 

Anyway basically it has been the worst period of my life. I have ahd shingles;ast year from stress, 3 lots of antibiotics in th last 3 months for different infections. I have never been like this.

 

Any way, it took me a long time to clear out that big house, over a year, and with little or no help from my sister because she is a lazy alcoholic

 

ANYWAY, we had this offer from these people, actually higher than their previous offer a few days earlier, and I decided we should take it, as we had had NO offers the entire year and a half. I made a convincing argument to my sister and she said she would think about it overnight.....

 

My sister wanted more money and said she was prepared to wait another year or so. And we are talking another year for only a possible $10,000- Just going to show she had not suffered from any burden of caring for the farm. It had all been on my shoulders. I had been living there once every 8 weeks, just so the insurance was valid.

 

We looked into renting it out, but the real estate said there were too many safety issues with the verandah. (long drop down to a river). And the house still hadnt been cleared out properLy anywaY.. So that was dropped.

 

So yesterday my sister rings me and says:

 

"heres the deal. I will agree to sell it for x amount if you write a leter saying that you will give me $10,000 for lost rent that i would have earned HAD we rented the place out"

 

For a start she would never have got that anyway, only half, and she knew it wasnt fit to rent out.

 

It was plain and utter extortion/ blackmail.

 

I was shocked, and was 'you have got to be kidding"

 

I dont remember a bigger shock i have ever had, except when i arrived to the hospital to find my mother had died..

 

It was just a ridiculous attempt to get money, when she had never done ANY work on the place with moving mum and dads stuff out, or clean, or repairs, NOTHING..

And to do that....

 

Anyway I actually was prepared for something like this, althoygh i didnt think i would have to use it: I called her back telling id charge her for my trips down and time off work if she refused this offer, and charge interest per month.

 

Anway she changed her mind quick smart and marched to the real estate agreeing on the price, where the real estate told her that she had no grounds to charge me the $10,000. (he is the rental guy too who was going to rent it out for us.

 

 

Why are people so greedy? Its not even her money , its my dead parents. She never earnt it.

 

I just needed to end the saga, sell the house, move on, regain my health. Refusing ANY offer to me was just madnessm when we'd had NO offers until now. And i was about to have to make another maintenance trip down there, and the thought of that, honestly i just couldnt cope with it...

 

And she said that mum and dad would be devastated that we werent getting morte money for it.

 

Its like she doesnt even KNOW my parents. They'd be devastated that we are now pretty much estranged and that she tried to actually blackmail her own sister.

 

She is adopted, and she doesnt think like me or mum and dad at all. They would have been saying "just take the money and run, get on with your lives, be happy" I know that for sure. I could almost hear them saying it. They would be devastated at what I have been through since they died.

 

And the way she said it was the worst. She said :

 

"Have a letter promising $10,000 at my solicitors by 5pm this afternoon" Like she's in some bad cop show.

 

If it wasnt for me, the house wouldnt even be ready to sell, the amount of trips i made dumping stuff and giving stuff away...

 

I hate her. How can anyone be so money hungry.??????????

 

I didnt care about an extra 10,000 or 20,000 here or there i just want my health back.

 

The blackmail only happened yesterday, and with the sale going through today , i guess im processing it now.

 

I;d love peoples thoughts on this

[onewithbooks]

Dont give in. Your sister is being ridiculous. Sell the property, split the money, and then take your share and go on a serious vacation. Take everything toxic in your life and leave it behind.

[chocolates]

Oh i was hoping you'd be around

 

No i didnt give in, she lost her blackmailing game because the real estate agent told her she was full of crap..

 

She is so poisonous and vile, i cant wait till all ties are cut

[onewithbooks]

Just hang in there. It will happen. In the meantime, just do the best you can for you. Find time each day to peacefully relax. I know that is hard, but for your health you need to. Find some soothing music, put it on, and do some deep breathing. It may feel ridiculous at first, but keep at it. You need to seriously lower your stress levels, because if your sis is true to form this wont be her last shenanigan.

[chocolates]

the house is sold now, as in contract is underway, so the price is agreed now.

 

I'll present my expenses to the solicitor for the repairs etc, and so will my sister, and she will likely make up a whole lot of crap. But i cant think of anything that she could validly charge me for, excpet for when we went into subdividing the land.

 

Anyway id be glad if i never heard her voice again after yesterday.

I mean didnt my parents give her enough?

[chocolates]

Just hang in there. It will happen. In the meantime, just do the best you can for you. Find time each day to peacefully relax. I know that is hard, but for your health you need to. Find some soothing music, put it on, and do some deep breathing. It may feel ridiculous at first, but keep at it. You need to seriously lower your stress levels, because if your sis is true to form this wont be her last shenanigan.

 

yeah she will probably try something, but really she's done no work on the place, i owe her nothing

 

She is an alcoholic, and i also suspect drugs, so i kind of think she has lost her marbles.

 

trying to extort 10,000- wow i dont know if i can ever understand that.

[onewithbooks]

Seriously its better to not even try. You have done what you could. She is getting money to live on. You have upheld your end. Now its just time to get the check in hand and go your own way.

 

Maybe as a tool to take your mind off the situation you can start the planning process of what you want to do from the proceeds of the sale?

[chocolates]

thats a great suggestion.

 

I started a business this year - im an artist- and i sell my art online- through etsy, and it has been going really well.

 

So much so that i am hoping to quit teaching later this year, and concentrate on doing what i have always wanted to do since i was about 20 - earn a living as an artist.

 

So I will be able to have more headspace for that, more emotional energy.

 

I am planning to firstly pay off my credit card

 

Lock the money away in a term deposit, use some of the interest to build up my business, and not do anything with the money for another year.

 

Mainly it will give me a bit of freedom, which is going to help improve my health again.

 

Im not a risk taker when it comes to money.

[chocolates]

Then i will apply for a new passport

 

And i want to visit New York,

[onewithbooks]

Hmm that sounds like a great plan!

 

If I may make a suggestion though? Take a small sum out and do something fun now. Go somewhere, relax and get away for a bit. You need to rejuvenate before you go full throttle into your art. Maybe you can even find a way to memorialize your parents a bit by going somewhere where they would have wanted to go?

[chocolates]

i definitely need a holiday.

 

and about one week of continuous sleep.

[onewithbooks]

Now that, my friend, sounds like a plan.

 

You deserve it! Well that and some good chocolates.

 

Everytime I see your username I want to run out and get a box of assorted chocolates and I am not even that much of a fan of chocolate.

[alli]

I'm so glad this whole ordeal is almost over for you!! I remember your posts; you've been trying to sell that house forever. Good job sticking to your guns & I would definitely want to take a vacation when this is all complete!

[divainpain]

I'm glad you are almost out of the woods with this situation.

 

Allow me to offer some idea of why she is acting this way because it is not easy to be in the dark about these strange things.

 

Since she is an alcoholic and perhaps even into drugs, her life is volitile, insecure, hopeless, and she knows it. That is a VERY scary thing.

 

So unfortunateley she is 'surviving' and feels she needs more money to cover the current and foreseeable consequences of her addictions.

 

It doesn't make sense to normal folks who can easily work more or find suitable mates in life. But for her, she knows it will be a lifetime of volitility and financial distress (even with the inheritance).

 

So in her mind you have the obvious advantages.. commitment, work ethics, sobriety. So you essentially have to make it fair by dishing her more of the money. To her it is so insignificant of an amount compared to the huge advantages you have as a moral and dedicated individual with a full life ahead.

 

I hope this helps a little.

[chocolates]

Yes it does. She has a boyfriend who she got with a few months after mum died. She got pregnant straight away.

 

Just by a few things she has said I think she thinks that she deserves more because IF the baby had been born when mum was alive she thinks mum would have left something for the baby in the will. Maybe even split it into thirds.

 

I know for a fact that my mother would NOT have done this, and probably not changed her will until the baby was at least about 10 years old.

 

Its just my sisters greed. She wasnt even pregnant until after months after mum died.

 

Also, when my grandmother died about 15 years ago she left a fair bit of money for me and my sister. We were on better terms then (she wasnt an alcoholic ) and we actually bought a house together.

 

About 5 years later I bought her out of her ownership, and got a mortgage. She went overseas.

 

My sister is really cut up because now, this house which i live in now and fully own, is worth about 5 times what it did back then when i bought her out.

 

So in her silly brain, she thinks that I have *gained* more, and that somehow I need to *pay* her to make up for it.

 

When all it really was for me, was luck, and a bit of foresight.

 

So thats also what is going on with her, and why she wants more money. Its not valid.

[ladyjp]

My Mom died last year. There are 3 girls and I am the youngest. I cared for my Mom thru her whole life and held her hand daily as she battled cancer. I was there when she drew her last breath. My oldest sister has a lot of money, as she married into it. There was nol ife insurance and so we agreed to split the funeral. After I wrote the check and my Mom was buried she sent me a letter telling me all the reasons she wan't going to pay her half. I was angry beyond imagination. I wanted to do and say all types of things to put her in her place and HATED HER. What I found is letting go of it and saying " this is how you are not me" gave me peace. I had to let it go. It is so hard but you have to say "eh, you are the one that will be on the losing end not me" and find peace. Don't hate her but try to help her. If you don't want to get that close just pray for her and for peace. Let the anger go. It will eat you up and you gain nothing. Your Mom and Dad adopted her so in thier name just pray that she will get well and you are well.

[chocolates]

Thanks for sharing that. Its a kind of feeling of exasperation and anger that has to be experienced to really know how it feels. So many emotions. And you think about what your parents (in your case your mum) would have thought, at trying to get out of funeral costs. Its just disgusting. But its your sisters *disgusting* not yours, and in some way or other karma will come back to her eventually.

 

Liek you I am starting to get to the stage where i realise I have to let it go.

 

I am just hoping the sale of the house goes thrugh properly as that will be a big step in me moving on and gaining distance from her.

 

She also brainwashed a couple of mutual friends into thinking that I am the bad one in the situation- ( i have no idea how cos she has nuthin on me) and that REALLY eats me up. I think of things I want to tell them because they dont know what she has done to me, or any understanding of what she has done.

 

These friends dont even live in the same town as her, so really they have no idea.

 

I believe in karma, andi do believe that what she has done will come back to get her in one way or other in the future.

 

I just absolutely cant wait to have no ties to her.

 

The next thing will be getting a headstone for mum and dads grave. We have waited a while for the ground to settle. I know for a fact she will try and get out of paying half, but i would be happy to pay for it myself anyway. It will just speak volumes about her.

 

I know exactly how you feel.

[chocolates]

I would like to really be able to let it all go, and not have thoughts in my head of things i want to say to her, or the people around her who dont know what she is *really* like.

[onewithbooks]

Time can be a great truth teller. They will find out.

[ladyjp]

Time can be a great truth teller. They will find out.

Absolutely. There is no greater healer nor showing of the truth than time. Eventually all things show their true colors and these people that she has brainwashed against you, will see what is truth. If they don't ....so what. My Mama use to tell me when I was a little girl (as I ALWAYS worried what everyone thought of me) "Jackie, who cares what people thinK, people will aways find something and someone to talk about. Don't let that bother you or you will go thru your whole life unhappy". She was and is right. So in time the people will see and if they don't to heck with them! Be happy and leave the narrow minded , judgemental people to seek their own level.

I pray this all comes to a close for you soon. I feel so bad you have to grieve the loss of your Mom and deal with this too. It gives me a cold familiar chill. It is almost like you can't hardly get out of your anger to grieve what is rightfully your loss.

You stay strong and be the great person you sound like you are and rise above her and anyone else that is in the trenches with her.

[chocolates]

I pray this all comes to a close for you soon. I feel so bad you have to grieve the loss of your Mom and deal with this too. It gives me a cold familiar chill. It is almost like you can't hardly get out of your anger to grieve what is rightfully your loss.

QUOTE]

 

Yeah i remember for a while there, i didnt know what i was grieving for- because some of my friends abandoned me during my grief as well. So honestly i had so much going on, and things happened in such a short space of time there was never a time to simply grieve for one parent and then the other. Dads grief was the worst, so bad that 6 months later my best male friend turned on me, beause i was clingy to him (i felt after dad died i was going to lose people or things).

 

And a chain of events followed where mum got cancer a couple of months later after he ditched me, and then i was out of town with her operations and then my other friends kind of deserted me (they picked him over me). He was the fun party guy, and i guess my situation was no fun for anyone.

 

Now three years later i think thats what it was all about. "Fair weather friends".

 

Then all this stuff with the house, my sister, took a massive toll on my health. Have had shingles, antibiotics for chronic ear infections.

 

Just this past week after a baad unrinary tract infection ive started to really look at looking after myself. Diet etc. Rest.

 

I just hope the sale of the house goes through ok.

[alli]

How much longer until the sale is closed? Does your realtor have an estimated date?

[chocolates]

35 days from today. I have to get a council check done too and i am hoping thats ok.