The good in me is disappearing.

[ay0_x]

I have a very bleak opinion of guys right now.

 

Basically, in my head, there are 3 categories of guys at the moment:

 

1/ Ridiculously good looking guys who KNOW it and are only interested in sex, and they don't expect or agree to monogamy. They don't break girls' hearts.

 

2/ Guys who aren't even that good looking but they THINK they're good looking, and are interested in sex AND monogamy, and always end up breaking girls' hearts.

 

3/ Homely, humble guys who aren't attracted to me, & I'm not attracted to, basically, "friendzoned".

 

In my head, about 10% of guys are #1's.

20% of guys are #3's.

and 70% are #2s, which are the worst group.

 

All my ex's have been #2s.

 

I'm sick of it.

 

There is a part of me that wants to turn the tables.

 

I want to be the heartbreaker.

 

I want to teach #2's a lesson.

 

I don't have very much respect for guys at the moment. Except for the #1s and #3s.

 

Someone tell me that my perception is warped. I hate how I'm feeling and I can feel myself changing.

[waveseer]

You are in self-protection mode, that's okay. I've been through it, it passes. All men do not fit neatly into three categories. People grow and grow up, even the heartbreakers. Let yourself heal, let yourself be your own woman. In time you may meet a man who seems worth taking a risk again, when you are ready you will take the risk again.

[metwo]

definitely not the three only out there...but.. just give yourself some time.. i quite often feel that i hate men as well...they can just be such freakin jerks...smh

[tastytoothpaste]

Oh man, I've been there. You're feeling bitter, and it's understandable. Guys can be such punks and have the potential to break our hearts and make us want to die. I've broken a heart or two, and believe it or not, it sucks just as bad breaking someone's heart (ok not JUST as bad, but it's quite a close call).

 

Edit: Those damn #1's break hearts too. They cannot be trusted.

[chcmb43]

Find something else...seriously. Go adopt a cat, they require minimal upkeep, and they always let you know when they need stuff, without the dramatic BS guys would put you through. Along with the cat, get a hobby, take a class, spend time with long lost friends, family, etc. Just enjoy your own space without some retard jerk to screw it all up

[ay0_x]

Oh man, I've been there. You're feeling bitter, and it's understandable. Guys can be such punks and have the potential to break our hearts and make us want to die. I've broken a heart or two, and believe it or not, it sucks just as bad breaking someone's heart (ok not JUST as bad, but it's quite a close call).

 

Edit: Those damn #1's break hearts too. They cannot be trusted.

 

Yeah but unlike #2's they don't beg you to trust them ;_;

 

and chcmb43... lol. I have all those things in my life save a cat at the moment. My hatred of guys, however, is what occupies my mind when there's nothing else to think about.

[tiredfather]

I find this interesting because I'm a guy and I've had my heart broken since I was 13. I was never the dating type I was the loving long term commitment type. Everytime I would fall head over heals and they would say they felt the same it always ended with the words "its what I thought was love".

[In the Dark]

I think there are a few more numbers to add in to your list.

 

I don't think I'm attractive but do get told and often, stared at or given the OMG he's hot as a group of girls walk by which strangely turns me off and get back to my coffee and cigarette.

 

So I think there is a number 1a.

The hot guy who thinks he is not hot, doesn't expect to find a relationship, then finds himself in a relationship, gives his heart away only to fin it gets wounded.

[metwo]

I think there are a few more numbers to add in to your list.

 

I don't think I'm attractive but do get told and often, stared at or given the OMG he's hot as a group of girls walk by which strangely turns me off and get back to my coffee and cigarette.

 

So I think there is a number 1a.

The hot guy who thinks he is not hot, doesn't expect to find a relationship, then finds himself in a relationship, gives his heart away only to fin it gets wounded.

 

[atelis]

like attracts like.

 

Number 3 are the most well adjusted and psychologically healthy, but the reason you don't click with them, is perhaps because you don't feel worthy enough, so you vasilate towards 2 who probably mirror you psychologically.

 

If you want to attract and be attracted to number 3, then you need to deal with your own psychological issues that keep you pursuing and attracting number 2's.

 

It's not that hard identifying the problem, having the courage to change it is the hard part

[Jpo]

Heh. I could post something similar about how I feel about women. People are a lot more complicated than that though, and I think it is always silly to paint with brushes so wide. I'm not going to tell you it isn't warped, because it is, but there is also likely some truth to your generalizations.

 

I think, sometimes our generalizations are self-fulfilling prophecies. We expect people to act a certain way, and so never really give them a chance. We look as hard as we can to extract the faults that we know must be there. Sometimes I think people act a certain way because you expect them to; you go into a relationship assuming someone will break your heart, they probably will.

 

I remember I worked at this one job and the manager would assume I would do a crap job, even though I never did. And when I did a good job, he would look for the smallest mistakes. Eventually, I really started doing a crap job, because what did I have to lose?

 

I think a lot of bad in humans is sort due to a type of slope. For instance, one time I was at a bar and got shot down by a couple women, and it made me mad because I knew they were just using me as an mini ego boost and so I went over and sat down grumbling. A few minutes later a pretty girl sat down next to me and introduced herself, and I totally ignored her.

 

Here I was mad about something and turned around and did the same exact thing two seconds later. She would have approached me 10 minutes earlier, I would have loved to talk to her. It sort of made me wonder how many times we judge people as a whole by a few small things. I'm not the kind of guy who ignores people who talk to me, and yet I have done it. How many people who are perfect for you did you not give a second glance because you met them on the wrong day?

 

I say all this, but it is really just lip service. My insight never quite makes its way to my actions. Tomorrow I will see a girl and throw her into one of my categories, judging her as a group rather than an individual person. And most groups are, incongruous, to say the least; yet we view them as a single entity. I know what I should do, but to borrow from a famous fictional character, when choosing between what is right and what is easy, I'm not so strong.

[In the Dark]

 

Just what I needed tonight. . . .

[ay0_x]

like attracts like.

 

Number 3 are the most well adjusted and psychologically healthy, but the reason you don't click with them, is perhaps because you don't feel worthy enough, so you vasilate towards 2 who probably mirror you psychologically.

 

If you want to attract and be attracted to number 3, then you need to deal with your own psychological issues that keep you pursuing and attracting number 2's.

 

It's not that hard identifying the problem, having the courage to change it is the hard part

 

Interesting point but...

 

Physically, number 3's aren't attracted to me, & I'm not attracted to them. A lot of them look at me and think "Stupid bimbo", until they get to know me.

 

I've had #3's say... "YOU'RE valedictorian? What the hell?".. or something like "YOU like Shakespeare?", or "YOU are a transcendental idealist?".

 

Number 3's are usually my closest guy friends.

 

Yes they're psychologically well adjusted and healthy...

 

But I often see them with psycho girls.

 

So how does that work out?

[metwo]

Just what I needed tonight. . . .

i so knew that....

[angelofdeath]

Darling, don't worry I think everyone goes through this feeling. I am currently and I've just been distracting myself with things I enjoy. Anything to take my mind off of guys. But eventually someone will come along and prove all your theories wrong. You don't find love... love finds you. And the dating process is because not everyone is meant to be that one person. It takes time and usually hits you when you least expect it so just go with the flow and don't dwell on the past let it make you a better person and learn from your mistakes.

[Esteller]

i fall under that category 1a

[Jpo]

I find this interesting because I'm a guy and I've had my heart broken since I was 13. I was never the dating type I was the loving long term commitment type. Everytime I would fall head over heals and they would say they felt the same it always ended with the words "its what I thought was love".

 

I have empathy for you. I have found that found that similar circumstances have changed me, made me slow trust and fear closeness. And you know what made me do? Exactly what other people did to me; it was unintentional of course, and I didn't even realize what I was doing until far later on. Disappearing when things start going good, lack of effort in relationships, quick to suspect, horrible communication, running away from problems. Probably myself creating a-whole-nother group of women to do the same things to other guys.

 

A cruel irony. It seems almost impossible to escape, or at least for me to escape.

[In the Dark]

Interesting point but...

 

Physically, number 3's aren't attracted to me, & I'm not attracted to them. A lot of them look at me and think "Stupid bimbo", until they get to know me.

 

I've had #3's say... "YOU'RE valedictorian? What the hell?".. or something like "YOU like Shakespeare?", or "YOU are a transcendental idealist?".

 

Number 3's are usually my closest guy friends.

 

Yes they're psychologically well adjusted and healthy...

 

But I often see them with psycho girls.

 

So how does that work out?

 

I must admit I was with a psycho. . .

 

But then I didn't know she was one and neither did her best friend who introduced me to her.

 

I see this the other way around too.

 

Seeing a very nice girl going out with a complete douché

 

Whats worng with this world?

 

Someone tell me whats in the water we've been drinking?

[mawfish]

 

2/ Guys who aren't even that good looking but they THINK they're good looking, and are interested in sex AND monogamy, and always end up breaking girls' hearts.

 

 

I don't see the matter with number 2's as you've typed it or did you mean aren't interested in monogamy?

 

There's nothing wrong with thinking you are good looking and interested in sex and monogamy. They've broken your heart because they didn't think they were compatable with you for some reason, but hopefully will find someone they are compatable with. It is how dating works. So long as you're not being strung along with lies and deception what is the problem? People have freedom to choose.

Just some thoughts.

[DaBladeRoden]

I fall under category 3a

[capbit]

I don't think it's fair to generalize the male population into three categories, but it's understandbale given what you're going through.

You mention that the #3's are not attracted to you nor are you attracted to them. Perhaps it is you that is not attracted to them as you mentioned their perception of you changes once they get to know you. Maybe you're the one putting them in the friend-zone, because as a guy it is unheard of to approach a girl only to become friends. They are psychologically sound and healthy, so why not them? Obviously you dislike being judged by your appearance and would rather have someone be interested in you as a person (who doesn't?). However it sounds like looks play a large role in you search for a potential mate. I think for you to be accepted for who you truly are, you should be able to accept others for who they are as well.

[Lonewing]

So I think there is a number 1a.

The hot guy who thinks he is not hot, doesn't expect to find a relationship, then finds himself in a relationship, gives his heart away only to fin it gets wounded.

 

Yep, I'm a 1a too. I never knew I was hot until she showed up [and all eyes in the club were on her...!], I gave my heart and in the end WHOMP!!!

 

I just need to find one good well balanced girl who has a heart that can carry a commitment!

[Huzzah_89]

ayo i feel the same way about girls now

[ay0_x]

I don't see the matter with number 2's as you've typed it or did you mean aren't interested in monogamy?

 

There's nothing wrong with thinking you are good looking and interested in sex and monogamy. They've broken your heart because they didn't think they were compatable with you for some reason, but hopefully will find someone they are compatable with. It is how dating works. So long as you're not being strung along with lies and deception what is the problem? People have freedom to choose.

Just some thoughts.

 

The thing is #2s are the ones that DO string girls along with lies and deception. That's what I meant about the heartbreaking, I didn't mean "oh things dont work out and they suck cuz they leave me". There is usually a degree of dishonesty and manipulation.

 

I don't think it's fair to generalize the male population into three categories, but it's understandbale given what you're going through.

You mention that the #3's are not attracted to you nor are you attracted to them. Perhaps it is you that is not attracted to them as you mentioned their perception of you changes once they get to know you. Maybe you're the one putting them in the friend-zone, because as a guy it is unheard of to approach a girl only to become friends. They are psychologically sound and healthy, so why not them? Obviously you dislike being judged by your appearance and would rather have someone be interested in you as a person (who doesn't?). However it sounds like looks play a large role in you search for a potential mate. I think for you to be accepted for who you truly are, you should be able to accept others for who they are as well.

 

I dunno, #3s dont approach me to be friends, I approach them. I'm an observer of people and I single them out in a crowd. As for relationships, I don't approach anyone.

 

Example:

 

If you put me into a classroom full of strangers, I will look for other smart girls, and befriend them. I will look then sit back and observe the males in the room, to see which ones are worthy of friendship. These ones are usually #3 guys, & I will approach them for friendship, which is sometimes really hard, because like I said, they look at me and think "stupid". If I do end up gaining their friendship, they never see me as dateable because they're usually taken (like I said, by psycho girls), or they think I'm too good of a friend, or.. my next point...

 

#2s and #1s are usually the ones who will approach me in a given social situation. These are usually the guys who go clubbing, love their designer fashion, aren't very intelligent, are funny in an obnoxious, arrogant way, love sports, love working out and have very alpha-male personalities. They approach me because they think I'm like them. They usually ward off any remaining #3s who might be interested.

 

Basically, the problem is the fact that, with me, what you see is NOT what you get, but I really don't want to change that =\

[capbit]

And what is it about the #3's that make you approach them for friendship, and not the #1's or #2's? Is it because you feel more comfortable with them or have more similarities?

I know growing up I was no Zak Efron and would generally hang out with the #3 crowd. Being older now and have grown into my looks I'm surrounded by more #1 and #2 type friends. However, I enjoy the company of my #3 friends more so than the rest as we are more close. Just my 2c