Has a relationship with me and still loves her abusive ex? Is this BS?

[In the Dark]

Okay.

 

Her and I started off really fast.

No friendship.

She fell for me right from the start.

We share alot of things in common but when we get too close she freaks out.

And when she does this she then says she still loves her ex who was abusive, violent and neglected her, would rather smoke drugs with his friends.

He was also bad in bed, 20 second wonder.

He was her first and he had children to another woman.

 

I on the other hand have no children and a positive future ahead of me.

Yet she finds every single irrational explanation in the book to push me away.

 

We had mind blowing sex as she saysand has written yet she still loves thier ex?

 

We broke up and a few weeks later she hooked up with some drunken party idiot who wouldn't in the slightest figure out how to write her poetry, draw a beautiful portrait or take her out to dinner and pay for the meal.

 

How can she love her ex yet hook up with other people like this?

 

Is she crazy?

 

Or is she just wanting to get around?

 

Answers apprecated.

[itsallgrand]

Nah man, she isn't ready nor available for any serious relationship. That's all.

 

She just isn't there yet. Maybe it'll take her a long time, maybe she'll get lost along the way, maybe she'll be like this forever. It's not about the ex or other guys or you - it's her deal, she's pretty much running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

 

You simply fell for someone who doesn't match you. Sorry to hear it, too.

[Lonewing]

enjoy the FWB but let it be nothing more. Even if you got with her long term, she could still pull out and go back to him. In fact, I know a girl who did that after what seemed like a year and a half relationship with a good friend. Then she left him and went back to her abusive ex - as be grumbled "All she wanted was that crazy stupid Kinky sex!!."

 

Let it go.

[Sunflour]

It sounds like the abusive relationship has left some emotional scars, and she panicked because things got too serious too fast with you.

 

This may be less about still being "in love" with the ex than about being able to trust again--and about believing that she actually deserves better than him.

 

Abusive relationships destroy the self-esteem and will in so many ways. Nobody bounces back from that quickly. If you have any influence with this girl, use it to encourage her to get some therapy.

[Maria Lisa]

Yes, don't take it personally. Abusive relationships destroy a girl to the point where anybody treating them too good just scares them away because they don't trust it, they are so used to being crapped on daily that they come to accept that and even look for it. I speak from experience. It will take her quite some time to get back in a right spot, and face it, she will probably end up going back to him at some point. I know I did. It's so hard trying to undo all the damage inflicted in abusive relationships, it's a confusing and daunting task. Give her some space but be there to talk to her, and try to talk to her as considerately as possible. Best of luck to you, you sound like a stand up guy Just don't be too intense or she'll run from you, scared.

[In the Dark]

Yes, don't take it personally. Abusive relationships destroy a girl to the point where anybody treating them too good just scares them away because they don't trust it, they are so used to being crapped on daily that they come to accept that and even look for it. I speak from experience. It will take her quite some time to get back in a right spot, and face it, she will probably end up going back to him at some point. I know I did. It's so hard trying to undo all the damage inflicted in abusive relationships, it's a confusing and daunting task. Give her some space but be there to talk to her, and try to talk to her as considerately as possible. Best of luck to you, you sound like a stand up guy Just don't be too intense or she'll run from you, scared.

 

It's something I cannot understand.

I was in a abusive relationship once but I made sure I had time to myself to heal, which I did.

 

She has already said we will never be a thing and she cares for me as a friend.

 

I don't know if that is the truth or not, but yet after allthe pain and suffering I feel right now and the way we started, I believe we will never be friends.

ever.

 

Shw always saiud she is damaged goods.

She always said she wished I was her first so she would be alot more forgiving as she is to her abusive ex.

 

Yes my self worth has taken a dive, my confidence has taken a huge hit form this.

 

I'm sure I will see her again.

 

But I have scars from her.

[arcadefire]

Don't let her drive your self-esteem down. Take this as a lesson that true love is hard to come by, and you really deserve someone who is compatible with you in every way. She doesn't sound like she is at all!

 

It will take time for your heart to heal, but soon you will start dating other girls who will open their hearts up to you too.

[In the Dark]

The thing is she was.

Then she all of a sudden changed into this party chick, who goes with guys here and there when she feels like.

 

I haven't felt this low since my first love.

 

There are other factors which come into play.

Like her saying her Father can be mine too as my Father is pushing me away then a few days later starts pushing me away.

 

Being my emotional crutch only to take it from under me and let me fall.

 

That is why I'm so low right now.

[arcadefire]

Hey, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. We have all been there. Heck, my first love pushed me onto these forums, and another one, and remember that we are all here for your emotional support.

 

Do not think of her as your emotional crutch. The only person you can rely on and trust on is yourself. That was the hardest lesson in life I had to learn but I'm glad I did through my heartache. Happiness is within, and it is certainly not an external force! So work on yourself, do things you enjoy doing, listen to music, watch a movie, go chill with friends, read a book, anything to get your mind off.