Why am I taking it personally?

[qwertt]

Hey everyone,

 

I found this site because I used to suffer from depression when I was a teenager, and after my ex boyfriend broke up with me I feel like all those negative feelings are coming back.

 

Bit of backstory: We have been on and off for 3 years, but now it's completely off. I love him but see that it's the right thing to do - though our good times were great, we were just fighting about the smallest things all the time.

 

Anyway, I can't help but thinking that it's all because of me and that I'm inadequate. I keep thinking that if/when he gets with his next girlfriend, that I will have a really poor attitude of "what does she have that I don't have?" and it reaaally bothers me. I know its so silly! But I can't help think that if I'm apparently such a great girl, why can't I make him happy and someone else can?

 

A lot of this has come from the way he treated me towards the end of the relationship. He would always have something to critisize about me, never complimented me.... would say other girls are hot and wouldn't tell me I ever looked nice (oh sorry, he complimented me when we were "intimate"

 

I know I'm in control of my emotions, well... I should be, so I can't blame him for feeling the way I do - but no matter what I say to myself I feel like I have nothing more to offer than the next girl. Why would anyone choose me over someone else? My ex told me I USED to be interesting (when he didn't know much about me!) and now that he knows everything about me he doesn't find me interesting, doesn't wanna hang out with me...

 

I just want to stop feeling like I am worthless. I used to do modelling, I've been told by many many people that I'm one of the most beautiful people they have ever met, and they say that I'm heaps of fun - but my ex doesn't seem to see that or value me at all anymore. I don't know why in the world I care what he thinks, and why I just live my life areound positive people... but yeah.

[waveseer]

Rejection sucks, but it really isn't the end of the world. If many people do like you then it should be okay if a few don't (including him).

[cruzer]

You have to realize he has probably had a girlfriend before you, and it didnt work out, which is why you guys got together.

 

So it might be him that has the problems, not you.

 

On a serious note though, just because 2 people are not compatible does not mean they have something wrong with them, or are missing something to make a relationship work.

 

You seem like you know what your doing, so why make yourself appear bad, not good enough, and make yourself feel bad by thinking about it and questioning it.

 

Just from your post i can tell you care and are nice. Im sure your beautiful, got a job and car, which means your plenty good enough.

[itsallgrand]

I was thinking about something like this today....thinking,

 

maybe sometimes I - and others too - hold on to negative feelings that pin the blame on ourselves "what don't I have that she does?" "this must be something I did, or AM, wrong?"...

 

as a way to try and buy time, secretly hoping in the heart of hearts that if only you hold on long enough, and if only it is about you, then you can change it/control it, the wish will come true! and things will have changed so the hurt/loss isn't there any longer. Magic.

 

It's one more way some try to hold on. Otherwise, it's that raw pain of loss to face. Or even, just deep disappointment.

 

Somehow you stayed for 3 years of off-and-on, so more than likely you got in the habit of believing that somehow things would all work out in the end - even though during all that time, things were up and down.

 

It's not you. It's life. Sorry you are hurting.

[qwertt]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

I know your right. And I know I'm being silly. I think it's just something I needed to hear to help me accept it. I just hope that my ex and I can go back to being good friends one day in the future. And I hope I don't ruin it and lose him as a buddy by having negative thoughts about him being interested in other girls. Jealousy is such an ugly look!!

 

Thanks again, appreciate it