Just wondering if anyone has an opinion or advice

[sparky3941]

I'm new here so bare with me. In Jan of this year my partner of 5 years decided that he wanted to separate, there was someone else. He was having an affair and now wanted things to be over with us. I convinced him to stay and work on things, well this went on until the end of Feb. with alot of fights, Lies, and him still carrying on with this other person. He wasn't working on anything with me. At the end of Feb. I told him it was over and that he should move. He did and 3 days later called and said that he had made a mistake and wanted to try again, but he couldn't sever contact with the OP. I stupidly said yes, that lasted 4 days. He then went back to the OP stateing he only came back out of guilt for what he had done and that he didn't really want to be with me. I severed all contact. 4 weeks later, I made contact to tell him that I wish him luck with everything and hope that things work out for him. I made my peace and was ready to move on. Two days later, he called wondering if we could work things out. Again, I said yes and thought that things could work, we started counseling. But 6 days later he said he needed time to figure out what he really wanted because he thought that maybe he was back with me out of guilt again. During this time, I talked with the OP and even gave them my blessing to have a good life together. Now my ex wants to be friends and he's persistent about it and the OP has told him that he doesn't want to jump back into their relationship until he knows for sure that my ex wants him and not me. Also, the OP is insistant that my ex and I remain friends. So, now I'm at the point where I want my ex back and I'm trying all the tricks to get him back but I'm wondering if it's futile to do this and he won't ever come back or if I just need to bide my time. He's actively persuing the OP and the OP is doing a really good job of winning him over. Any tips would be helpful as well or any scenario's that you may know of too. I've probably left alot of info out of this that will help you see it more clearly so just ask questions if you need. I appreciate your feedback.

[Stingseed]

I would suggest when the OP contacts you again not to take his call. Let him really figure thigs out this Yo-Yo game this person is doing to you is not what you want. You must think of yourself first. Look out for yourself and don't let no one mistreat you like this. By not taking his calls you will make choose sooner than later and at the same time he will respect you and not continue YO-YO game.

 

Hope this helps

[lisaria]

Hey Sparky, I'm sorry you are hurting right now but it will change. Your story reminded me of mine a little. Not quite the same, but there are similarities. My ex and me were doing just fine, the best time of my life, until his freaking exx-wife had to start playing head games with him. She said she wanted him back and wanted to be a family again (She was having money problems). Well then he decided after lots of heartache for me and him that he wanted to be with me. Sigh of relief. We got through that, then right after X-mas I found out he was cheating on me with someone else and lying to me. It was the best Christmas of my life and I found out that after I left his house Christmas day he emailed the b@tch. It hurt me so bad, still does. But that was it! I was through with him. Then he called, we talked, of course I took him back. He wanted to be committed to me. His exact words. Well two weeks later he's cheating again. My intuition tells me his is, I really didn't have any proof that time except a phone call he took outside

Anyway that was it. I emailed him once asking him to forgive me for things I had done that were wrong. Crap!!! Please!!! Telling him I missed him. He sent back a really short email saying he was sorry he led me on and of course he forgave me.????? Please!!! Remember he's seeing someone else already. The worst Valentine's Day ever came and went. I sent him another email, just trying to be friendly, another short impersonal email in return. He spent that weekend with his new g/f. I couldn't seem to get it through my thick head to leave him the hell alone!!!! Anyway one phone call later in which I did not talk to HIM just his machine, another short email in reply to that and it dawned on me

Leave him alone!!!! The no contact rule. I wish I had found this site at Christmas. I would not have made a fool of myself for so long. I still miss him and cry some days. Especially the holidays, like this weekend. Anyway.

Ok, I got that out. phew! It still makes me mad and sometimes I have to talk about it, sorry. I know that's not what you asked for, but it helps me.

Ok, I don't think you want to hear this, but you need to try the No Contact. You need to focus on you. To hell with him and her!!! What's the deal? He is playing with you, and it sounds like she is too. They both must get something out of that, what are you getting? Stop thinking about them, think about you. This is about YOU, not them. I really think that you should get them out of your life. He lied, led you on, cheated on you. God! It sounds just like my ex. I'm sure my experience is coloring my opinion, but think about it. What is so great about him that you should put your life on hold until he decides what he wants. What do you want? Do you want someone you can't ever trust into your life again? Are you not worth more than that? Kick him to the curb, girlfriend. If nothing else, just no contact him for a month. No contact at all. Then try it again for another month. While you are doing it concentrate on you. Go out. Exercise. Get around people. Get outside. Do what you enjoy doing. Get strong enough to know what you want. Let him see you as being strong, not some crying girl he can decide if he wants or not. You decide. Not him. It's not about him, it's about you. Get strong honey. You can do it.

I hope this isn't too harsh, but it I hate seeing people being hurt and played with like that. I've been there, We are here for you. You will have good days and bad, just be thankful for every day that you have no contact with him or her. It will make you stronger than you ever thought you could be. You'll be proud of yourself after awhile. YOU got rid of him. YOU made the decision, not him, not her. YOU. I wish you all the best. We are here for you!

Lisa

[sparky3941]

Thank you for your advice. I'm doing exactly that, not putting my life on hold until he comes around. But I am working on that as well. Yeah he's been a jerk and yeah he's done some really hurtful things, but the fact of the matter is, If I don't give this every chance to work, I'll regret it. I know that we can make things work and they will but I'm not so sure that he's going to come back again. So I work on me and if he doesn't, then I'm a better person for the next relationship that I get into. I will say that I've lost 35lbs during all of this crap, the exercise has helped but the stress didn't hurt either.

[lisaria]

Good for you Sparky!!! That's pretty much all you can do. I lost 24 lbs. over the holidays no less. So something good came out of my ex's bs. It just didn't seem like it at the time. Sometimes I want to hear from him so bad and it hurts so much. I hope you get what you want. Just don't let him hurt you anymore. Stay strong.