What now?

[Talus]

Looooong story short. Just broke up with the girlfriend. Both love each other very much and have talked about the fact we both can see a future with each other.

 

But we are 19 yrs old. Both just finished school last year and really haven't experienced life. I love this girl, she is my first love. She feels the same way I do. She wants to travel and I guess I want to as well. She wants to do it alone and I realised I'm stopping her from doing it, getting excited about it etc. She's been putting off saving for it because she wants to be with me.

 

I don't know, it's all really hard to explain but I guess in a way it was mutual. Not because it's what we want, but it's really the only smart thing to do at this point in time. We have fully left the door open to reconcile after we've both experienced life a bit and really know what we want after travelling etc. So maybe a year or 2 down the track and we talked about that we both could very well be the love of each others lives. I know it might sound lame at this young age. It's really how I feel though.

 

What I'm really trying to get at here is what is the best way to go about this. NC? We were best of friends, not just boyfriend and girlfriend and without her I feel so lonely and empty. Yet knowing how I feel and she feels, how can we really stay in contact and not be together. Is that just asking for more pain for both of us?

[Idlewood]

Tricky situation. Falling in love at a young age always brings up problems, the ideal age is when all the travelling/experiencing of life is over with but its good that you two can see that it will be difficult.

 

My suggestion would be to still keep contact but don't be exclusive, this doesn't mean that you two are free to see other people (unless you want to) but it does take the pressure off the relationship a bit and thus will make it easier to part ways when the time comes to head off travelling. (you two can still hook up as often as you like if you both happen to find yourself out at the same club/venue).

 

When you two finish your separate adventures you will both be in a better situation to begin planning the rest of your lives together

 

ps. If you're afraid of drifting apart/falling out of love during your time apart, you wont so long as you finish the relationship on good terms. If you and her only have happy memories of your time together then you'll both be itching to get back to one another. No one forgets their first love

 

(Hope that helped)

[ghost69]

exchange email or something and don't talk about new relationships. just basic chit chat to see how the other is doing. 19 is really young to commit like that.

[Talus]

Cheers guys. Yea I don't know if the whole NC thing is really going to work here... As it stands we both see the ideal situation being that we get back together in a year or 2 after we've both been off and lived a little. Then again NC could help us both.

 

As for never forgetting the first love, she's mine, I'm not hers. However she's been in love a couple of times but I'm the first guy she's had stronger feelings for than her first love.

 

This is a very young age to commit like this, I guess that's why there really is no option. I think we are both the type of person who would grow to regret not taking this chance while we're young to go out and experience life. I dunno. It's just hard to swallow that this is it with the girl I could quite happily see a future with. Whether it's just for a year or 2, or forever.

 

I'm just so stuck on how to deal with this. Space is definitely very important here but can LC work? Or is that just going to be an unnecessary pain. I don't mean remaining friends and hanging out, but as mentioned^, just the occasional text or quick little facebook chat.

 

I'm sorry if I'm going over and over. Just in a lot of pain right now, crying etc. etc. and I just have so many questions, but can't seem to figure out the answers...

[Talus]

Realised it was too much to handle. Told her that I just can't do it and I don't think we should talk for a while. It finally clicked after she called the other day and I couldn't stop crying afterwards and felt absolutely miserable, to the point I almost threw up. So 4th day of NC... I haven't deleted her from Facebook this time round(broke up before, did this whole NC thing, got back together now this). I don't really want to... I'd like to think I'll soon gather the strength to not check her page and hit refresh a thousand times every day. I am not posting anything on my page though for a long time.

 

Anyways just thought I'd update, even if not many people have replied. I'm really struggling and haven't really felt happy yet. Every day is a struggle, I just want my best friend back... I guess it really hits home when you're down and the one person you want to confide in and get some cuddles from, is the one person you can't.

 

Back into the gym though, 6 days a week, hopefully going to get back into studying tomorrow(cert. 3/4 to become a personal trainer) and start planning out my future; such as going to work in Canada for hopefully at least a year at Whistler.

[birkus]

I'm going through something similar to this...me and my recently ex'd boyfriend are seniors in college, and this was both of ours first relationship. It wasn't exactly mutual but we broke up to get our own lives back, see what else was out there and what not. And it has been tough. We are not doing NC. Every time I mention it to him he convinces me not to, lol. It's tough to draw the line sometimes. We live right next door to each other. I always want to act like we used to, and I think he feels the same way. oh ANYWAY

 

What I wanted to say is something that helps me deal with the breakup is to remember the reasons for it. Think about it. If you spend the next year or two pining over her, even if you do get back together it won't be for the right reasons. You won't have experienced life! I understand it takes time to heal. But remind yourself to go out there, do everything you can, be in the best place you can possibly be if and when you two get back together. Have no regrets, and don't stop living. You have to roll the dice because that's all you can do. Live and see what happens. If you end up together then great, if not, it'll be because you weren't meant to be. Either way, things will turn out for the best.

 

Good luck. I feel for you. Remember that time will heal your heart.