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Am I taking this too seriously?


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My GF, who I love very much, constantly talks about hitting on other guys when she goes out. At first I didn't mind too much. I know shes kidding when she does it, but its gotten to a point where I actually feel miserable. I don't show it, and I go along with it saying things like "oh okay, good luck" or "have fun, introduce me when you succeed." And I know she doesn't do it, but I don't know why I just feel awful. We are both 25 and have been hurt before by other relationships/people in the past. I really don't know what I'm feeling right now, but I do know it hurts and is extremely uncomfortable. Am I overreacting? I don't know. Maybe I'm just insecure. I don't want to tell her to stop because it's her mind, and she can speak and do as she pleases, but I hate the fact that it's bothering me. What do you guys think?

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How do you know she doesn't do it?

What an awful thing to joke about, to me..thats disrespectful.


I would speak up, if it makes you uncomfortable, she needs to know. By joking back about it, you're saying its ok, and it is funny and its all in good humour, when its not.

It's not her 'mind' Its her joking about something that is just plain rude/disrespectful to joke about.

She's flaunting the fact that she is going to hit on other guys to her BOYFRIEND. She needs to cut it out, joking or not..its not funny.

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yes agree that she isn't doing what she says.

she is a genuine person, who always puts others before her. who cares for her family. who does not blame others for her pain in the past. great moral compass. she is very straightforward.


So..then why is she not putting you before herself and thinking how tacky and disrespectful she's being to you and the relationship by joking about such a thing?


Kinda hard to relate this issue, with who she 'is'

They don't line up.

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Speaking from experience and observation the last thing you want is to make this thing an issue. It could be that she is really just trying to joke around, but it could also be that she sort of wants to remind you that she has options. In a way it is kind of endearing because it could be a way of her trying to keep you attracted, because in essence it is like her screaming other people find me attractive see?! In all honesty I don't think there is any use in showing her that this is making you uncomfortable because unfortunately when women smell the littlest bit of insecurity in a man it is not to our benefit at all. I would just deflect this behavior as best you can. The best way would be with humor. For example if she says she is going to hit on a guy tell her: thats so cute, you are trying to prove yourself to me? You must really like me! I like you too honey *plant a big kiss*. If it becomes evident that she has a real motive or serious issue behind why she is doing this then you can have a frank discussion, otherwise why not meet her on the playing field?


Does this come off as sort of of condescending, maybe, but frankly so does saying you are going to hit on other people as a joke. If she is willing to go into that territory, she will appreciate you being able to "keep up with her" in a lighthearted manner. Don't buy her bait, if this really is a way of her subconsciously testing you, there is no reason to lose it by becoming insecure. Take it as a point to improve not destroy your relationship.


I am sure I will get blasted for this, but what can you do, it is the truth to me: 80% of the advice that women give you on this sort of subject is bad advice. The perspective they glean is not always but very often one that is unhelpful to men. Much of the time people give you advice based on what their rational mind wants and completely ignore their emotional mind. Every once and a while you will come accross a woman who "gets it" and will tell you something like yea I like when a guy stands up to me, who i have to chase, and can take what I dish out, but most of them will just tell you: I just want a nice guy who does sweet things for me and gives me foot massages (and bends to my will and does everything I want, which is completely inaccurate and they would hate that). I apologize for threadjacking! Good luck

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She may be testing you, in which case your lack of concern probably annoys her.


Either way, it's very easy to stop this. Just STOP playing along! The more you encourage it, the more she will do it. Just say how you really feel.


This is spot on. You'll see if she continues, or not. Then it's up to you.

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I'd address it to her and tell her basically what you said in this post to her. It's really not a 'joking matter', and she has her own agenda when she says. Definantly talked to her about it. I'd also keep an eye on it, as well.


Regardless of whether she is serious or not, she shouldn't be saying that and it reveals deep insecurities on her part.

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I think you need to tell her how you truly feel about this.


it sounds like she is insecure and is looking for some kind of reassurance or attention. or maybe she is selfish? either way she needs to know that it is unacceptable to you. she needs to show you that she cherishes YOU as her partner. It's normal that you should not accept this.

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She is showing you her options and she is trying her best to show you what she is attracted to. Do yourself a favor and look at the guy see what his style is etc, etc and if it differs 360 from yourself then go ahead and address the situation and state how and what you feel. Don't be a fool

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Thank you for all your replies. I will likely tell her when the time is right. I'm easily forgivable person so at the moment, I think I can let it go and enjoy being with her.


Don't be dumb and end up with up with a broken heart. It can be avoided if you check reality. Imagine it were you that told her something like that-how would she react. Stop trying to be all macho man when it's hurting you. OK?

I've told guys that in the past and it wasn't a joke nor was it mean to get them jealous I meant it.

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