Compulsive Liars

[INeedHelpFast]

Hey everyone,

I recently broke up with my ex-gf because she lied about certain things. I've been reading alot on "compulsive liars" and I feel like she fits the category. It explains how compulsive liars believe their own lies and make you feel sorry for them. In my particular case, when I would point out facts that proved she was lying, she would spin the subject to say something I was doing wrong in the relationship.

 

A typical conversation would be like:

Me: I know you're going behind my back to talk to this guy, and lying about it to my face

 

Her: It's not even about that anymore, you dont do this blah blah blah blah.

 

 

 

 

I've read that compulsive liars become the way they are due to self-esteem issues and don't actually notice it until they hit rock bottom. I have gone NC for the last 6 weeks with her, but I can't help but to feel sorry for her, in a way. It's like she doesn't even know that her lying is hurting other people, but on top of that she is convinced that she did nothing wrong.

 

What is a solution to this? I kind of want to tell her to get professional help so she doesn't hurt anyone else around her. I want to tell her this because I still care about her, even though she hurt me with her lies, but I feel like it would make me a better person to help someone through their problem. I have good intentions of helping her through this , and I know I can't be with her because she has hurt me with her lies, but then again I am not over her yet, and I probably wont be if she's my first love right? However, I feel like if I do ask her to get help, she may just make me look like a fool to her friends, and even deny that she is a compulsive liar?

 

Has anyone been through something like this where they dated a compulsive liar? It seems so hard to get over loving a compulsive liar, because they don't give a damn about how you feel. Im guessing selfishness is also a characteristic of compulsive lying?

[servedcold]

The one I dated (whom I knew for sure was a compulsive liar, the term is broadly overused) it was tied into a past eating disorder and some other personality disorders. Lying was a game to keep secrets for purposes of control, and to obtain a sense of power by getting away with it.

 

A couple of telltale signs:

 

1. "You can call so and so right now if you don't believe me, here's their phone number." This kind of thing was offered prematurely and preemptively, when I had no reason to question her honesty or statement, like a child trying to deceive a parent.

 

2. Offering too much detail about their goings on and doings when not solicited by me. Liars will "pad their resume'" so to speak with lots of extraneous facts about what they did, even when they didn't do anything wrong, because they are so used to lying that they need to pepper in lots of inconsequential truths to keep the lies out of the spotlight.

[ohemgee]

First off you should ditch the idea of helping her.

 

Secondly, you cannot diagnose someones illness through reading something online about it.

 

The situation you described only speaks of her as childish to divert the blame onto you when she gets confronted with issues. Doesn't sound like a compulsive liar to me, just childish.

 

You cannot help a person like that. They will see it as trying to control them or you trying to get her back. They can only help themselves.

 

I think you need to worry about you and stop trying to "fix" her.

[INeedHelpFast]

First off you should ditch the idea of helping her.

 

Secondly, you cannot diagnose someones illness through reading something online about it.

 

The situation you described only speaks of her as childish to divert the blame onto you when she gets confronted with issues. Doesn't sound like a compulsive liar to me, just childish.

 

You cannot help a person like that. They will see it as trying to control them or you trying to get her back. They can only help themselves.

 

I think you need to worry about you and stop trying to "fix" her.

 

 

Well, yeah you cant diagnose someone by reading it online, but from my experience with her, and what I read about it, it seems to correlate with the things she did over the last year or so of our relationship. And even now after the break up, she does not show one bit of remorse of her lying, she lies to get sympathy from people and such.

[ohemgee]

And even now after the break up, she does not show one bit of remorse of her lying, she lies to get sympathy from people and such.

 

Aren't you glad you aren't with her?

 

I know i'd be.

[INeedHelpFast]

Aren't you glad you aren't with her?

 

I know i'd be.

 

Thats true, I guess its just hard to erase someone from your life, and it being a first love makes it worse

 

Logically, yes I'm happy to not be with her. Emotionally, I'm not there yet.

[ohemgee]

Thats true, I guess its just hard to erase someone from your life, and it being a first love makes it worse

 

Logically, yes I'm happy to not be with her. Emotionally, I'm not there yet.

 

Of course you aren't there emotionally. You loved her and probably still do despite everything.

 

I guarantee you'll be happy again.

[arcadefire]

First loves are always hard to get over. We've all been there. Time heals all wounds.

 

But you know she's not right for you. You deserve someone who is honest with you, not someone who lies to your face and doesn't even feel remorseful for that hurt.

 

As for my experience, I guess you can call my last ex a compulsive liar... he was cheating behind my back the entire time we were together. When I found out, it was over. People who lie and deceive do so because of their own selfish wants, and they don't care about how other people feel (like you and I) when they do.