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Online dating too contrived?


longdist

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I've been trying the whole online dating thing. I met a lot of girls, went on a lot of dates, but never really felt a connection with any of them. I feel like love/interest needs time to develop, even if the person is very physically attractive. I feel like the online dating thing is too contrived. It's 2 people LOOKING for a relationship, instead of falling in love with someone naturally. It is very regimented. You email/chat online, call, and go on a date. You talk about the same things on each of the first dates. Then maybe you go on a second, but it's all very regimented with someone you don't know very well to begin with. Then, I also have to find the person very attractive before I consider a second date, b/c otherwise I feel no connection. Meanwhile, in my normal life, I find myself gaining attraction for girls that I had no initial attraction for. So, I personally am giving up on the online dating idea. Has anyone else felt the same way?

 

I feel like there are better ways to meet people: through clubs (sports/music/etc..), sports, volunteering, and just about anything where you can "experience" something with someone. Any girl that I have dated long term resulted from having experiences with first and developing a connection through the experiences. Unfortunately, the number of girls you meet this way are fewer than online, but I think the odds are better for developing a connection.

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Servedcold is right. It's not like there's a plan of: Kiss on 3rd date. Sleep together on 8th date. Become official after a month. Get married after 2 years. etc.

 

There can still be an element of spontaneity in online dating

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Are you a person who can instantly friend people? Or, do you need to "warm up" to new people?

 

Online dating works GREAT for those can instantly be sociable and be completely comfortable. You might be a person who needs time to feel fully comfortable around someone. Hence why volunteering, clubs, and the sort can work for you.

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Online dating is a little more critical for daters because in reality, it's your picture that gets your foot in the door. That's what the makes the game so shallow. Cause if you pictures are not up to par, you're pretty much out of luck. That's just the way it works. I like nice pictures too, but I'll also read their writing and see how well they can put their thoughts together.

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I'd say that you should get to know a person before you actually go out on the date. That way, if you two are compatible, it would be more of seeing him/her in person. Then you don't have to worry so much. If you get to know someone, then the connection would already be there. It would just be a matter of seeing how fun the person would be.

 

Online dating is not much different than regular dating. It depends how you look at it. You could see someone from an online profile, or you could be deceived in person. Yes, it is easier to find non-compatible people online. But that depends on what you looking for and whether you are clear from the beginning what you want.

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