Cant Take It Anymore

[XxDarkAngelxX]

I have nowhere else to go. My husband works in this city and I am about to start working soon. We are saving up to get our own place. We are living with his mom. Thats the problem. I dont even know where to start with this except that I think his mom needs serious help. She has serious mood swings that effect EVERYONE even my 2 year old daughter. Most of the time she is pissed off nagging at everyone and VERY seldom she is ok. There is always something for her to complain about everyday, every second and it drives people nuts. When we try to confront her about how she acts she just says 'No you guys stress me out' or 'I have a harder life than anyone else' It's always the same crap and she never listens. She does stress everyone out. But she never realizes it. I woke up today and she was complaining to me that her house was a mess. Which I don't understand at all because me and my daughter were gone all day and didn't get home till 11pm and my husband was working all day. Another thing is she likes to use things against me and then complains about it. I never ask her for anything. Nothing. She will sometimes buy my daughter diapers and I never ask her to but I always say thank you you dont have to do that. But then she goes to work and tells all her coworkers and managers she buys my daughters diapers and does everything for us. And I cant go into the place she works (a store) without any of the workers giving me bad looks. Yesterday I was starting to wash the dishes and then she says 'No dont wash the dishes, I will wash them tomorrow morning' and I said 'No it's ok, I can wash them right now' because I hate seeing dishes piled up in the sink, but she continues to nag me saying no she will do it, So I just think f*** it. But then the next day she will call her relatives and friends and tell them I am messy and lazy. I dont get it.

 

My husband tried to confront her today about it, my husband has been through a lot of * * * * in his life he was raped when he was younger and he went through hell in the Marine Corps. But when he tried to talk to her about it, she just says' Oh I have a harder life than you' and my husband tells her, 'mom i went through a lot too, but obviously i am not as old as you so I have not experienced as much as you.' But she always competes with him with everything. My husband has insomnia and he was up one night fixing the computer and she starts yelling at him to go to sleep. My husband says ' mom i can sleep whenever i want because I am an adult' and then she starts to yell at him 'Ok if you dont want to listen to me then move out of my house' it's always drama and I think there is something wrong here. Its not just this stress but she always does weird random things like spray air freshner 50 times in each room and then spray it outside in the front yard.

 

We have nowhere to go right now, btw. We dont want to live with her EVER, we just are trying to save up to get the hell out. I dont know how to handle this situation because she tries to make me and my husband feel bad.

[Sunflour]

It sounds like you just need to get into your own place as quickly as possible. You aren't going to change this woman.

 

If your husband is already working, could you move into a small apartment now and save up for something better later?

[thejigsup]

As the mom of an adult child, I can tell you that your husband's mom is telling you to move out without actually telling you so. She basically resents all of you being there. She is not handling this well. She should just tell you this in a calm, nonconfrontational, voice. Anyway, if I were you and your husband, I would move. I think she will be kicking you out soon, anyhow. It seems you are being perfectly nice, it has more to do with her, not you.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's very seldom where two families can all live under one roof. I understand that you're in a tough spot right now, but try to get the h*** out of there, ASAP!

 

All the best...

[XxDarkAngelxX]

I'm glad at least some people are normal and understand. No we do not have enough money to move out just yet, I would need a job also. I should be start working next week I will find out Thursday. I am REALLY nice to her, I never talk back and I keep my mouth shut every time she wants to yell and nag at me. All of this in front of my daughter, so now my daughter will think she can do the same.

 

My husband was in the Marine Corps and we were on our own living in California, it was awesome. When he got out of the military he wanted to move back in with his mom because he wanted to help her out with things because she doesnt know how to drive or pay bills. So we stayed with her and helped her as much as we could we paid her rent every month we helped with food.

 

I know I cannot help her, I think she really needs help though. I dont see how her other children dont see this. The oldest daughter moved out 2 years ago, but still visits her. I notice his mom only really acts like this around my husband and I and when there is a guest, its like she is total different person. This has also happen the same thing she did with her husband (my husbands father). She treated him the same and now he is dead.

 

I desperately want to move out, I try to ignore her, but she repeats herself nonstop and even if I leave the room I hear her talking to herself sometimes for an hour straight. Mostly about herself. I feel bad. I feel like I did something wrong. Is this some sort of disease? I'm worried.

[XxDarkAngelxX]

LOL thank you for responses. I am trying trust me. My husband told her this morning 'I don't want to live with you, I never wanted to' and she took it so offensive she said ok then move out. She is ALWAYS defending herself and will even lie to make herself look better. She tells everyone that when she was our age she never got help raising her kids, but thats not true because I talked with my husbands grandparents and they DID help her watch the kids and even gave them a place to stay.

[divainpain]

Can you apply for housing assistance? Being a vet, I'd imagine there is something available.

 

My other suggestion is for you to pay her a small rent. It could take the edge off.

 

If you know who hears these lies about you, you've got to take them aside and tell them the truth. Even if you don't know them too well. That way they really won't know what to believe anymore.

[XxDarkAngelxX]

I will try to apply for housing assitance through the VA. We had to stop paying her rent because the rent was $200 to $300 a month and we are trying to save. We also have bills we are paying as well. I try to take some people aside to give them my side of the story (the truth) but I can't just go up to her co-workers while they are working and tell them everything. It's at all the stores in our area she tells the workers. She can't drive so she walks everywhere and hangs out talking to other people at the stores. My grandmother told me she was being followed by her around the store naggin at my grandmother that she doesn't know what to do with me and that I'm crazy.

[XxDarkAngelxX]

Thanks for the responses

[divainpain]

Maybe just give her 50 a month. Leave it in her purse. And then you can say "Hey, I PAY rent" when she gets mean.

 

And perhaps just post something in the employee breakroom at her work, stating the truth and/or speak to her boss about it. And give that paper to each employee or business you know she 'talks' to people. Just hand it to whoever is working there.

 

You've got to fight this slander by being pro-active to confuse the recipients of these rumors with your side of the story.

[divainpain]

Let me add that if you do decide to write something for distribution, you should not state her name. Here is an example of what might be ok:

 

Dear Friends,

 

It has come to my attention that several untrue rumors have been spreading about me and my family.

 

I'd like to clarify that I pay rent, bills, and am a good parent and family member.

 

If you have any questions or hear anything contrary to the above stated truth, please call me at (555) 555-5555.

 

I will happily explain anything you may have heard about me or my family.

 

Thank you for understanding there are always two sides to every story.