The pain continues

[tiff8434]

I have been broke up from my boyfriend for a little of a month now, and he is all that I can think about. I am staying busy and trying to keep my mind occupied. I think of him always. People tell me stuff about him and I am constantly worried about him. He is going down a path right now that is going to lead to trouble. There is nothing that I can do and I hate feeling helpless. I still think that he is my one true soul mate and that is why this hurts so bad. Why can I do? Talking to him about it all is not a option he is bitter towards me and I dont know why. He is the one that broke up with me to "find himself" Please help me somebody!

[SLBG]

Hi tiff8434

 

Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

I no it is tough but you have to realize that he is not your responsibility any more. I no how you feel and understand how helpless you feel.

 

You need to let him make his mistakes, even if you no that what he is doing is wrong you cannot control him or try to stop him. If you so he will end up resenting you more.

 

You say that he broke up with you because he wanted to find himself. I think you should give him the time and space he needs to do this.

 

If you try to pressure him you will only push him further away.

 

I do really understand how you feel, my ex fiancée walked out 7 weeks ago after being 2gether for 5 years and its tough. She is now drinking heavily etc.

 

From my prospective my ex looks like she is messing up her life, but its what she wants to do and I cannot stop her. She will realize one day she cannot continue the way she is and change. She may never return but at this stage in her life she needs to experience new things, different people/relationship and grow.

 

Once she has grown she may return, but if she doesn't I will also have grown.

 

Please try to focus on yourself, stay strong and think positively.

 

Its not going to be easy, but we are all here for you. If you need advice or just a friend we will be there for you.

 

Good luck, post more details i.e Age, how long was the relationship etc and we will see if we can help you further.

 

p.s also read up on the no contact rule, why you should use it and what affect it has.

[tiff8434]

The details are we dated 2 years, he took me to pick out engagment rings talked marriage and I thought everything was great then in like the last month he got really depressed and appeared to be very burdened by life. I am really worried. Thanks for the advice though.

[routerx]

You may never have experienced this before, but there are some people who are intent on hurting/feeling sorry for themselves.

 

I say, give him his space. You obviously are a nice person. Unless you feel he may end up seriously hurting himself, leave him be.

 

Don't let someone like this jade your heart. Let him work it out on his own and if he's worthy, he'll come back to you.

[mahlina]

I've been in your shoes before. In fact, it lasted up to 4 years. My only advice is, this path, is what he 'chose.' Meaning, only he can control his life. If he's chosing to have his fun, to go down that one 'path,' without considering your emotions, then chances are, he's only thinking about himself, and will never change. It's better to know now than later.

Unfortunately, I stuck through with him. I guess, I look on the bright side, knowing that I helped him to come clean about his drug habbits, and can be happy that I helped to guide and redirect him out of his 'path.' He's graduating with a 4 year, bachler's. But, now that I look at it, I feel like I've wasted my time. At least, he is in good hands. I guess, this is just your test. Look at it as if you're at a 'crossing point' in your life.

 

You're in the middle of a road, that will fork off into 2 directions. So, think about your future, and then think about his. Think about if he's truly taking into consideration about you. If the relationship is mature/reciprical, then invest your time to saving him. Meaning, if the relationship has 'marriage' potentials than go for it. I think that if he was serious about caring for you, then that would mean that he would care for himself too! If he's investing in building a positive path for himself, then chances are, he thinks about you too! Do you get what I mean? A man must fend for himself, before he fends for someone who he thinks, he wants to consider a 'potential.' If he can't take care of himself, then how can he take care of you?

 

I see how you feel. You have a big heart, and want to 'save' him. But, I've learned this simple moral, "Once a frog, never a prince!" Meaning, you kinda have to take him for what he's got. You can polish ___ and make it look like gold. Whatever it is:

 

1. Weigh out your pros and cons in the relationship.

2. Ask yourself what your goals are in life.

3. Then ask yourself, "Are both of our goals guiding us to the same path?

 

Just make sure that your goals are similar, so that you guys will grow together, instead of growing apart. To be honest, after I tried to help him out of his 'ghetto' lifestyle, after a while, I really grew tired of trying to be the parent. I really grew out of the relationship. I started wanting to find someone who was mature enough, someone who knew what they wanted, someone who was a 'man,' who was responsible enough to care for himself, and his future.

 

So do you get what I mean? If he's choosing to live a certain lifestyle, you might want to be there to help, but have him decide his own 'fate.' Meanwhile, since your're still young, care about your future first. You need invest in yourself first, before you invest into someone else Find someone who will push you to strive forward in life.

 

I know how you feel, but just don't make the mistake that I did. I guess it's not a mistake, since his life is 'clean' now. Good for him! But, that relationship really set me back in accomplishing my own life goals. I guess I listened to much to my heart too much, instead of my mind. thereforeeee, try base your decisions on 'rationality', rather than 'emotions.'