this life of mine

[EmptySoul]

hello everyone. really, i don't know where to start. umm... after countless times of being let down, confused, and hurt by guys i finally have got to the point of not voicing my feelings, staying single, and trying my best not to feel anything at all. i make a guy come after me, i won't go out of my way for him, i won't call unless they ask, won't talk about how i feel about them unless they express how they feel first, and even then i might not. sometimes i'm fine with the whole live-by-the-moment, the single sex without any expectations, the not letting myself like anyone, but sometimes it all seems really screwed up. i get tired of never even thinking of caring about someone, even someone im having sex with, but i dont think about it, it just means i'll get hurt if i acknoledge it. i haven't had a boyfriend for a long time... i feel like i'm trying to fit into a life that isn't really me, but i go for it because well, you get to feel "loved" sometimes without getting your heart broke, it's wild and fun. it seems crazy to have so many rules for myself and to be so protective of myself, but now i don't know how to be any different, and i don't know what i want anymore. ~depression hides my lonliness with it's presense~

thank you all,

EmptySoul

[melrich]

Hi EmptySoul..don't stress about it, I know many people who have lived like this forever...life doesn't have to always imitate art, some people don't want the fairytale...do what you like but don't do it only because you are scared of the alternative...do it because it is you.

[neva_black_n_white]

wow girl that was a pretty full on post it wasnt really a plea for help i dont think, it seemed like a list and then you wanted people to either read, understand and comment or basically leave it. i can relate to the way you feel and how sometimes oyu get fed up of giving your all when people only give half.

 

im on msn right, and for the past couple of days my names been ''we try half the time but fail all the time'' but more as a question as to why, you seem to be somewhat asking that questions and are now resulting in the other half and not trying because you gain the same outcome. hopefully this is making sense but i believe you see the same gain and loss from something where you try or you dont.

 

it seems love is a high factor because you like to feel wanted and without it there is loss, when you talk of sex, why was that initiated just for a trial or for what you thought was love? it may be you feel this way as result of it, do you feel loss through having sex?

 

the feeling may last but you can change them if you wish to, dont lie to yourself just because others lie.

hope this helped someone, i could have said much more but i didnt want to go of par, pull the line if you ever need help and ill try.

kel

[neva_black_n_white]

i know ive just responded but when i read your post well your title, i thought of the song ''this little light of mine'' have you ever heard of it? it was a pretty childish or gospel song either one, but if you know what i mean then great.

 

anyway i realised that you forgot to let that light shine and i think despite others views you should do what you wish!

 

 

anyway i like the song:

this little light of mine

IM gonna let it shine

let it shine

let it shine

 

pretty empowering maybe seen as immature but i think you should believe what you want to!

kel

 

see you around.

[EmptySoul]

neva, thank you. more things have been going on (that i might post about later) and i have been so stressed. reading your post about this little light of mine made me smile and laugh. thank you.

EmptySoul

[neva_black_n_white]

its ok emptysoul, at least you have a smile on your face, and ill look out for that post of yours. your a cool member so i hope you get back on your feet, kel

[michaeltinker]

love with all your heart, if they decide that you loved them to much than you need to find the person that can love and beloved as much as you.

 

what good is a love half given?

 

follow your heart not your private parts.

 

don't be afraid to please your self rather than put your self in a possistion to be used and abused. regard less if you let yourself love them or not.

 

love is the prevailent force of the universe, for it is what we seek , what we have sought, what we have kept sacred. what we have ferousily protected, what we can never get enough of, and is the wings upon which we soar.

 

for if god could only be called one thing god would be call love.

 

if your going to love then love with all your heart and all of your soul.

 

 

may you always see through eyes of love.

Michael

[EmptySoul]

michaeltinker, thank you so much. your words have greatly encouraged me.

 

EmptySoul

[michaeltinker]

michaeltinker, thank you so much. your words have greatly encouraged me.

 

EmptySoul

 

thank you for lettting me know and thank you for listening

 

know i love you

 

know i can see clear enough to know who you really are and care enough to love you for it.

 

thanks for helping me help.

 

your evergreen tree

Michael