Tricky situation - advice?

[AngryHeart]

So, one of my best friends have just got together with one of my other friends. She thinks he's wonderful. The thing is I know some things about him that makes him not so wonderful, that I think she'll have an issue with. My dilema is do I tell her and risk bursting her bubble, and also him being mad at me? Or do I just keep my mouth shut? I just don't want to cause hurt and drama, but I definitely don't want to see this girl hurt - she's great.

[Ac143]

Only speaking from my past experience in something similar....keep your mouth shut. Too much drama otherwise.

[AngryHeart]

1. He cheated on his ex.

2. He reckons he's addicted to porn (I don't know how seriously to take this one, or if he was just overstating)

3. He's tried to commit suicide before (OK, this doesn't make him not wonderful, but it could be a big problem if he goes down that road again...)

[erase this face]

Well 1 and 3 are things that are in the past. He may not be the same person.

Only chime in if problems arise between them to the point where it's necessary to tell her.

[Jd1983]

I think it's best to keep your mouth shut. This is something she needs to realize on her own. He may even plan to tell her part of his history when he feels comfortable enough to do so. This is really not your place to tell her. Let them work out the relationship on their own. There could be a possibility that he will change his ways for her. Time will tell.

[sophie274]

3. I would definitely not tell. That is an extremely personal piece of his history, and if you consider him your best friend you should protect his privacy.

 

1. It would depend on the circumstances for me. If one of my friends started dating another one of my friends who had a long and repeated history of cheating on women, I would probably warn her. If it was a one-time thing and he truly regretted, or it was a long time ago, I would not say anything.

 

2. I wouldn't say anything ... especially if you're not sure if it's a joke or not.

[AngryHeart]

He also smokes A LOT of weed, but she already knows about that, so I guess that's not an issue for her.

 

Yeah, I don't know. I kinda think I'd rather be told these things if I was in her situation. But on the other hand, Jd made a good point - he may tell her himself. Hmm.

[dreamwarrior]

Best just to stay out of it...let your friends workout their own relationship...be a good supportive friend if and when the need arises...If you tell her then you might as well kiss both of your friendships goodbye.

[thistime]

it seems they are only in the beginning phase of the relationship, and she will more then likely figure him out over time. I think you should keep what you know to yourself...divulging this info could put you in the middle of alot of drama...and ultimately choosing sides! let the chips fall where they may...if she gets hurt, it is the natural progression of things, and maybe...just maybe...she is what he needs and all will go swimmingly. stranger things have happened...at least you wont be the catalyst of any issues between them, and if it all falls apart, and she askes you why you didnt tell her, you can simply say that you didnt feel it was your place to tell her his secrets...that would and should be his job, or hers to discover. Besides...if she really thinks he is that great, she may not believe you anyway!

[AngryHeart]

Thanks guys, I'm not going to say anything for now. I'll leave it and see if he tells her. Maybe they will be right for eachother and he'll be a good boy, lol. They both seem really happy (very early days though...just a couple of weeks) so we'll see. I'll only step in if it seems absolutely necessary.