idiot or plain hopless, someone please wake me up..

[zzprometheuszz]

The first thing you need to know about me is that I have problem letting go.....

 

This story began with the a girl whom I met in high school (I am 26 now) She was very easy going and have a very nice smile. We became friends soon but I found myself falling in love with her. I told her how I felt but she rejected me. She dated guy after guy after guy and told me about it. I felt into depression.

 

I wish the story would end here.....

 

During college we kept in touch and when she was dating this guy on and off, we had sex. Our relationship gone from friends to "friends with benefit". But she said I was always just a "friend" to her and that she had many friend. I cared about her, I treated her with respect, I was there for her whenever she needed me. I know she is constantly seeing other guys but my feelings for her got the best of me. I continue to to pursue her and hope that someday I will be charming enough and she will be my girlfriend.

 

if you are reading this, please slap me hard and yell "wake up"

 

Again, the story should end here, but I couldn't let go. She was my first love. We would see each other once in a while and we continued to be "friends with benefit". But I had enough, this is not the girl that I wanted as my girlfriend. She had cheated on most of her boyfriend and I knew what would happen if we were dating. So I decided to not to talk to her for a while until my loneliness got the best of me. I got back in touch with her after a few months and this time i told myself I would not cross the "friends" boundary.

 

until last night......

 

We were back at my place and we were watching a movie. I had ran a couple miles on that day and I exhausted myself so nothing would happen between us. But I couldn't resist her. We were laying on my bed and I had my arms around her. One thing let to another and I began touch her. I took off her pants and went down on her. after a while she turned around and I took off my cloths. I put on a condom but couldn't get hard. she used her hands and after a few minutes I still couldn't get hard. She began to look mad and slapped my d**k around a couple of times and told me to get hard already. She said that out of all the one-night stand guys she f****d I was the only one that couldn't get it up. she said she can't "help" me anymore and that bj was reserve for special guys that she was dating. She slapped my d**k one more time, got dress and called me a loser. I was shocked. I asked her about the other guys and she began to told me all the guys she recently f****d.

 

There was the married man.

 

The guy who just got engaged.

 

This "friend" that she worked with.

 

I had known her for 11 years and this is the first time I saw how cold and heartless she is. How could I have been so blind? why did I loved someone who has no morals, self-center and so cold and heartless for so long? what does it say about me? I told her that I did truly loved her with all my heart at one point she said that a couple of guys have told her that recently and it's getting kind of annoying.

 

I am ashamed to tell my friends about this. please, if you are reading this.....please wake me up. Please tell me that two people can be faithful to each other....please tell me that there are still honest people out there....

 

I am 26 and I never been in a real relationship...this is my story...

[ladyblue07]

Even if you don't tell them about what happened during the sex incident, you probably should tell your friends about how you are attracted to her even though you know she is bad news so they can help you stay accountable and not get sucked back in by her.

 

You definitely need to do everything you can to avoid contact with her from now on.

She sounds like a very nasty, toxic person. There has to be something very wrong with her to be cheating on everyone and treating you so badly. There was no reason for her to insult you the way she did.

But she's probably very good-looking, isn't she? We all tend to fool ourselves when it comes to someone who is attractive even if they are ugly on the inside.

 

It is possible to have a good, healthy relationship. I went through a lot of disappointing experiences with men before I met my current boyfriend, who I have been with over a year. When you find the right person, a relationship doesn't have to be a painful struggle.

[ToF]

There ARE good people out there, and it sounds like you are one of them. You just need to cut this girl out of your life!

 

She saw you as someone who could be her pillow and her source of comfort/intimacy, or even a punching bag. You let her. It was a mistake, but you can TOTALLY turn this around for yourself.

 

Give yourself a break...and get away from her!

 

Sorry for the harshness, but it's hard to "slap" someone via internet any other way

[Johnty]

You have to avoid her to be honest. It really seems that your inability to 'get it up' was actuallly your subconscious telling you something. You promised yourself you'd stay away from the 'benefits' part, and even when your conscious mind slipped, your subconscious didn't. You dodged a bullet, and you've realized what she is truly like.

 

As ladyblue says, you need to talk to your friends about her...Rest assured there are alot of good and honest people out there, many more than we tend to think. It is always the case that the negative people in our lives take over our thoughts so much that we do not see the positivity that is out there.

[Sunflour]

It's very sad that you gave your heart to such a shallow user. You sound like a very caring person, and this must have been terribly painful. In time, though, you may be grateful that this incident--humiliating thought it was--opened your eyes to how unworthy she was of your love.

 

But no relationship is wasted if you learn something from it, and the important lesson for you in this one is: Being somebody's faithful dog is not the road to a good relationship.

 

You have been her dog for years. Coming when she calls, settling for the scraps from her table, and loving her even when she pushed you away.

 

Nobody should be another person's dog. You deserve better, and you should have enough self-respect to demand better from your next relationship.

 

There's someone wonderful out there who will actually appreciate you. Go find her.

[Ms Darcy]

You have to avoid her to be honest. It really seems that your inability to 'get it up' was actuallly your subconscious telling you something. You promised yourself you'd stay away from the 'benefits' part, and even when your conscious mind slipped, your subconscious didn't. You dodged a bullet, and you've realized what she is truly like.

 

As ladyblue says, you need to talk to your friends about her...Rest assured there are alot of good and honest people out there, many more than we tend to think. It is always the case that the negative people in our lives take over our thoughts so much that we do not see the positivity that is out there.

 

 

I would agree with what others have said. Don't contact her again, tell your friends about her so that they help hold you accountable, and start dating other women.

 

People can remain faithful, but you need to seek those people out in the right way. Date them, don't be friends with benefits, get into a relationship with a person with similar morals, and enjoy the other person.

[pui]

Avoiding her is the first step. The second is to be more careful when you choose to give your heart out the second time. Actually, I do understand you. Sometimes, when you are a good, loving person it's easy to be blind and interpret another person's actions in your own way. The best way to heal is to find a serious girl out there, there are plenty in this world.

[zzprometheuszz]

Thanks for the reply everyone. I like this community everyone is so helpful and caring.

 

As of now I am still trying to get over that sick to my stomach feeling I have for EVER giving my heart to her.

 

I should have known since a lot of conversation we talked about always ended up with some guy she is messing around with.

[ladyblue07]

Hopefully at least this was a learning experience. You just have to be very careful from now on to avoid her, because even though you know better now, feelings can make us all do dumb things in the heat of the moment.