Moving in together

[Trinity1607306450]

I have been divorced for 6 years and although I have been in two-long term relationships since being divorced, neither resulted in living with my partner. I have two children who are 10 and 7 years of age. My boyfriend and I have known one another for 18 months and have been dating exclusively since June. We love one another very much and have made plans to live together by month's end. My children and my partner have a good relationship which I hope will continue to grow. A part of me second-guesses my decision making abilities; largely in part because of my previous failed relationships. I wonder if I am not being selfish? Should I not be more involved with the kids, and less focused on trying to recreate a family unit? Having said all that I am going to move forward with this, but I would love to hear from others who have gone through this themselves. In particular I wish to receive some tips with regards to how to make this transition easier on the children. Of note, the children live with me 60% of the time, and 40% of the time with their biological father.

My boyfriend and I are both very spiritual and lean heavily on God to assist us with our day-to-day lives. Faith, to be sure, is mighty, but I do want to hear from other people. Thanks for listening.

[overcorrect]

Though I have never been in your shoes and I have no children I can only give you what I think you need to hear.

 

People are not put on this earth I believe to be alone. You are absolutely blessed to have two children that you obviously have a good relationship with or you wouldn't be writing this post.

 

I do not believe that you are being selfish because it sounds to me that you indeed have your own life and you deserve to be happy for your's and your children's sake.

 

I don't believe that you will treat your children any different if you move in with your boyfriend and if you don't treat them differently then they shouldn't have trouble adapting at all. I mean, you are not taking love away from them to give to your boyfriend because neither your children or your boyfriend could replace each other in your life right?

 

There is a huge difference between being a loving partner and a loving mother and I'm sure you will agree that you don't love your children less because you have found someone that fills you up emotionally from a different angle.

 

At 7 and 10 your children should be able to make up their own minds about certain matters... why not discuss your feelings with them and assure them that nothing will change between you and them? You might be surprised at the results and come to find that your apprehension was all for nothing.

 

If you do meet resistance, you have to realize that the fear is that they are "losing" you to him... assure them and show them through actions that isn't the case.

[Trinity1607306450]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful reply.

What seems so obvious but which wasn't to me, is that I need to talk

more openly with my kids, and assure them verbally as well as by

demonstrating to them, that I will always love them no matter who is

in my life. Have a wonderful day.

[Aura Seeker]

Hi Trinity,

 

You mentioned that you are in recovery. All of the other relationships you had before were before this, right? I am guessing by your sober time, and your relationship time, you met him there.

 

I think what is happening with you is awesome. Sometimes we wait for the other shoe to drop because our lives were unmanageable before, but that is not the case anymore. I say move forward with confidence, and your faith in hand without fear! It may be hard for the children to adapt at first, but they will adapt. It will pass.

 

I'm happy for you.

 

AS

[Trinity1607306450]

Thank you, Aura Seeker! Yes we met in recovery. He has been sober

3.5 yrs and myself 18 months. Yes this is my first sober relationship!!

And hopefully the final one. You're right, life doesn't have to be

unmanageable anymore. I am touched that you took the time to reply

in such depth to someone you have never met. This site is very

empowering. Gratefully, Trinity.

[Aura Seeker]

Thank you. I do know you a bit now, because we have something very similar in our lives, and I am sure we are both working the same program. ;-) One day at a time sista! lol

 

I think it is excellent that your life is moving forward. It's exciting, isn't it? There are so many gifts we get. I get anxious about things sometimes too. I started dating, and he is much younger. I get a little freaked about that sometimes, but for some reason, it feels right. I just need to get comfortable with that. Forget about the other shoe!!! ;-)

 

AS