My son was sexually abused by this father

[sushi]

I have struggled to come o terms with what happened but 1 year later I still seem to be struggling from depression. I separated from my partner of 10 years after being unhappy for most of it. He spent his life out and never spent anytime with my child or I. I did my best to be as nice as possible when I moved out. I left the spare car key, 1/2 my son's belongings. I even picked and dropped my son at his house. My son was always very reluctant to go but I put that down to the seperation. He was only 4. In return my ex partner was awful. He paid no maintanence and was as difficult as possible. I started to insist that he picked my son up and dropped him as my son hated me leaving him. One morning he dropped him late because they were looking for a present. My son told me and another witness that his father did a wee on his head. He described the color and consistency of sperm. He was in too much pain to be carried as he said his father had sucked his penis. The police turned up 3 hours after we reported the crime. There was no DNA and the police refused to prosecute. I do not believe that people know that the police will generally take no action in the UK if there is no physical DNA. They will put it down to the child making it up or the parent trying to deny access. The statistical likelihood of a 4 year old lying is 1.86%. How could anyone say I tried to deny access. I wasn't alone with him for the whole day before or when he was dropped of. How could I get a 4 year old to rehearse pain. I spend all my time with this going round and round in my head. I left the UK and stayed in Asia as it was the only way I could be guaranteed that my child would not see this pevert. My child says he never wants to see him but the courts will not listen to a child under a certain age. I feel so upset. I find it so hard to carry on with life. That soneone I trusted could do this. I feel like I wasted years of my life.

[cakes]

Hi Sushi

 

You sure have been through hell of a lot. I commend so so much for the responsibility you've taken and just the capability of being able to carry on with your life and your son's life the best way that you can! After such abuse, I'm not sure how anyone could just forget it like that as much as you or anyone would wish it just didn't happen. The police and other such authorities are so complicated in many ways as you have mentioned. The important thing is that you focus on the protection of your son and yourself- no matter how difficult the task may be. You could seek help perhaps through a lawyer, I say that as i'm wondering I guess you have joint custody? Maybe this could be dealt with. The other- seek a counsellor to help you relieve and move past this horrbile experience.

 

The most important thing I wanted to say though was that right now- at this moment, you have done the best thing possible by picking yourself and your son up and doing what you can to avoid this man. And just to remember that not the whole world is bad nor will the rest of your life be because of this experience. It is really only a matter of time that you start to mend your heart and all the pain that he's caused you.

 

If i were in your situation, I think i would have handled it much worse. You are doing great! The other thing I highly commend you for is -listening to your son. A lot of mothers find it so hard to believe things their young children claim has happened because they are so blinded by the way they seem to "know" their partners.

 

Just know now, you are away from this man. And from this day forth, you can start a new life with your son and yourself as you already have because you know and I know, there is no way you will ever be in that situation again. At least now, if there were any situation in which you had to see this horrible man, you are aware and will atke precautionary actions!

 

It's just a healing process now and beginning your life away from him- you've moved past him already...look ahead to the future and how much happiness your son and you will share and not to the past because it will only hold you back. You have stepped forward! Hooray!

 

You can feel free to express anythign you'd like just to get things off your chest or what not....PM me anytime. I hope all goes well!!

[kuhl282000]

Hello Sushi

 

i'm very sorry for what you had to go through. this sounds like a terrible person. Please do not be so hard on yourself, we cannot really know someone when they hide things from us. You trusted and he violated that trust. Many court systems are not just, and leave us with issues that we have to mull through ourselves. I would thank my lucky stars, you are as far away from this pervert as possible. You really had no way of knowing he was such a freak. i can put up with a lot of things in life. But sexual abuse with a child is NOT one of them. If i was the judge, it would be swift justice I assure you. We would render him guilty, take him out back of the courtroom, a bullet right between the eyes. And throw the pervert in the trash bin. I understand your depression, and I hope you seek professional help until it goes away. We all make mistakes in our lives when choosing a mate. And like i said sometimes we just don't know if they have a hidden agenda. And really how could know. I'm glad you called the police on the freak, even thought you did not get the results you desired. If he were he in the states, i would have some of the boys pay him a visit. you are the lucky one even if you don't feel it. But you really are.........you got away, and stay away as far as you can. I'm not into lying but this may be one of those strange situations where you may want to consider later in life to just make up a story that the father left when he was young and killed in a car accident or something just for the protection of the son. you would never want him searching for this guy. Just make sure you NEVER have any contact with this guy........NOT EVER.....trust me he will get his. The man upstairs has his own agenda on how he evens the score. And he will...........this is a very bad man, and a very very sick person. And I have to share with you that if this happened to me with my children with anyone. the truth is i really do not know what I would do....but whatever it was, it would not be nice. Be strong and stay in touch and protect your child. They say when you kiss the cheeck of a baby child when they are born, you kiss the cheek of god. Children are the future and very special. And it is our job to protect them at all costs. Try not to be so hard on you, you did the best you could considering the circumstanses.

 

God Bless you and us all

 

May you find some peace of mind soon.

 

Kuhl

 

These are for you.........they will protect you