Do you believe in romantic love?

[Knead2Know]

I agree with many points you make, but this is a discussion right? I want to be clear that I am not arguing with your position, but want to provide another view. I respect where you are coming from, but don't quite see it the same way.

 

You are right we are all damaged goods, I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't have a story of some sort. However how we deal with that damage and that baggage is critical to the quality of our lives...

 

My observation is that many people say they don't believe in relationships because of what you said, no experience with it or have not seen an example. This is true now more than ever, as our divorce rates are at 60% and fewer people stay together over a long period of time. But just because you haven't witnessed it or experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Furthermore if you are not in the right mindset you won't ever experience it.

 

I mentioned that I was oppositie of you, I was very jaded as a young girl and young woman, I did not think someone other than your family could honestly love and support me in the way it was propogated by our society and media.

 

My life experiences taught me differently, these experiences have continued to show me what is possible when I allow myself to be open to it..

 

Based on what you wrote, you are not giving any person a chance to show you that kind of love or even a chance to develop it, why? Because even if he does you will question what is wrong with him for putting up with you. Who said love was easy? It isn't, but I can tell you this, a man who really loves you will accept all of your flaws because he values you so much more than your flaws. As a woman it's my responsibiltiy to provide him the same. But a man will not tolerate being questioned for loving you, and that is why I think you push love away.

 

I think there is a partner for you that will accept you right now, with all of your baggage and responsibilty, a hot surfer dude perhaps But if you don't believe it, and question anyone who would (and not in a postiive way) how will it ever happen for you?

 

You are right, no one party gives all while the other takes all, that is an unhealthy disfuntional situation, not romantic love, not true love.

 

Since you have not been privy to it, I will say you now know of one person who has experienced it and continues to experience it, and that is me. It's not perfect, it's flawed beyond belief, we drive each other insane, but at the end of the day, we love each other deeply and it carries us through a whole lot of stuff, he has taught me more about love than I ever imagined, it's not all pretty but it sure is real....

[waveseer]

Thank you. Yes, this is a discussion, yes it is possible that I could be tempted to let my guard down by a hot surfer dude (lol). My point was that it doesn't seem fair to accept a commitment (meaning exclusivity) from any man at this time in my life since I am only offering a minimal time investment. Relationships require face time to start, grow, and mature. I'm not ready for that on any type of reasonably regular basis. At the rate I'm willing to go it would take 5-10 years to develop a close serious relationship. I just don't see any reasonably healthy man willing to go that slowly. Do you?

 

I am so glad that you are living it. True romantic love, ahh, it feels good to know it's possible. It helps me feel like all of my relationships have/will prepare me for the real thing.

 

I appreciate your dedication to helping me.

[Knead2Know]

At the rate I'm willing to go it would take 5-10 years to develop a close serious relationship. I just don't see any reasonably healthy man willing to go that slowly. Do you?

QUOTE]

 

I'm glad this is a discussion I have to comment on this portion..

 

A reasonably healthy man will go at the pace that is right for you and himself. Honestly, you alone don't determine the pace, as a couple you determine the pace, as you both probably have lives..

 

Let your guard down for hot surfer dude and enjoy the experience, I agree completely that it takes time to develop such a bond, but you have to start somewhere and that is by letting someone in...

 

I know you weren't a great surfer when you started, you had to keep trying and getting better, and the experience got better with it..that's how love starts and grows...

 

Thank you for allowing me to discuss this, it made me much more grateful, and my hubby and I had a nice discussion because of it..good stuff..

[retired1]

I am so glad that you are living it. True romantic love, ahh, it feels good to know it's possible. It helps me feel like all of my relationships have/will prepare me for the real thing.

 

And there is the key. We all tend to grow as we age, and we mold our perceptions based on past experiences. We know what's worked in the past, and what hasn't worked.

 

Romantic love is possible. When one has the patience to wait for what truly makes them happy, they will find what they're looking for. As for waiting 5-10 years for a fully committed relationship to bloom, I think you'd be surprised that you'd be willing to wait that long if the right person came along.

[Firiel]

Whenever I am tempted to give up on the notion of true romantic love, I remember one of my professors at school.

 

He and his wife have been through more anyone should have to experience. Their daughter was murdered, she had a mental breakdown, their son has a very bad mental illness which renders him incapable of living on his own. But one day he brought his wife into our creative writing class. He was going to read a short story, and she was going to read some poetry. He specifically chose one of his shortest pieces so she could have more time to read her poetry. And when he looked at her, he still had a look of complete love, admiration, and joy in his eyes.

 

I feel like other couples I know potentially have this sort of love, but in my 21 years, this is the only hard evidence I've seen for real, true, everlasting love. But whenever I've been tempted to give up on the idea, this memory has kept hope alive.

[cathon]

Yes, as far as I'm concerned it's the only type of love worth having.

[onewithbooks]

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

 

About a year and a half ago I had the honor of attending the wedding of a good friend of mine. At best, I didnt care if romantic love existed and at worst I didnt want it. I was made a believer though, anytime her husband looked at her. When he looked at her, the room disappeared. All he saw was the love he had for her, and it was the same for her.

 

After that I knew it existed, I just became to busy for it. I made no attempts at it. I was still social as much as I could be, but just distracted with work and school. I then met someone that over time I began to care about. Six months later, I realized that not only did it exist, but it was something I was capable of feeling. It is hands down the best feeling I have ever had. Its wonderful, unselfish, and the most honest sort of love I have ever known.