LDR turns to break, which turns to big question mark.

[Scoe141]

So I met Jenny in October of 2008. Unfortunately when I met her, I was on a business trip. It was a brief encounter (15 mins), which eventually turned to e-mailing several months later. (This is the Readers Digest version.)

 

During the time we didn't talk, and she was completing medical school rotations, and coincidentally was looking into a residency program near my home town. (about 30 min away)

 

Eventually our talking increased and e-mailing turned to texting, which turned to phone calls etc. The next time we met, was when she was up here for an interview for this residency program. (This past April.)

 

Things went great and we both expressed our feelings and that we wanted to do the LDR. She was accepted into the program, and will start in 3 months.

 

Jenny wanted to see me again, came up here again a few weeks ago and spent the weekend. It worked out that last weekend, I was down there for a brief business trip and was able to see her for dinner.

 

Now the dilemma...

 

Last week when I returned I sensed something was on her mind. So we discussed what she was feeling. Here are some of the highlights from what she said to me:

 

1. We cant do "normal things" couples do, and its putting a negative vibe on this relationship. She doesnt want that to "ruin" this relationship, before it cant "start" come in a few months when shell be up here.

 

2. When she moves up here in a few months, she wants to "start fresh". (In the mean time, she is not interested in meeting anyone etc., as I mentioned to her I would not want to date anyone in the meantime.)

 

3. She said, she has just as many feelings involved in this as I do, and "will not mislead me".

 

4. Made mention this distance forces out communication to be obligatory. Plus, she is finishing med school and is bogged down with rotations, (2 hr commute every day), exams, boards etc.

 

5. She wants to "take a little break", step back for a while , which will give a fresh start when the circumstances change in a few months.

 

6. She said, "when she moves here, it will be something to wait for." and that this with us, "will all be fine, promise".

 

In the last week, we've spoke via text briefly, I texted her late last night to say hey and that I hope she was doing well, and I havent heard from her.

 

My question is...what do I do? I def. like her, a lot. Dont want to "screw this up", and I know I can be patient for her, as looking like a fool or not. Shes worth the wait. No question about it.

 

Do you think I'm getting the run around? I mean, she seems like a genuinely honest girl, (from conversations we've had). I guess Im looking for reassurance, or any advice.

 

Thanks for reading this lengthy post, its well appreciated.

[volpe]

I can't tell you if you are getting the run around. Everything she is saying makes A LOT of sense. It will be easier for her to focus on getting her last things done to finish up school and to move into residency and she will be moving nearer to you...

 

But it sounds like YOU are doubting her sincerity, which brings to question what your gut feeling is telling you? And are you sure that you can handle her lack of availability when she goes into residency.

 

I can see why, however, she would say she wants to start fresh. After all, she doesn't want to put early undue burden on a relationship so early, that she is actually moving there FOR you or something, when you two haven't been able to be like "normal" couples. She doesn't want the expectation to be too great so that the relationship isn't progressing normally and naturally...

[Scoe141]

Yea, I would say we kind of did go from 0-100mph, which I think we both realized that. She was the wise one to suggest putting on the breaks...

 

It's not that I don't trust her sincerity, I think it's more along the lines of, if I "could put up with" the distance, why couldnt she? I have to remind myself, shes in different shoes then I am. She has WAY more on her plate, and I dont think a distance relationship is really conducive to her schedule at this time. I can not blame her, ya know?

 

As for the last part, yes shes in fact mentioned that before. (Howd you know that? haha...)

 

Seriously, shes ultimately doing this for her career, (the place shes doing her residency, is one of those places you just dont turn down, ya know?) But she did say, when shes not working, she would like to spend the other time with me...

 

I think im just frustrated and need some patience..