Projecting a negative self image to the EX

[dhjjessel]

I went to meet some friends at a party last night and two of my friends (funny guys) told me that my ex was there. I guess it was just a joke in bad taste, and they told me so 10 minutes later. However, my ex, it turned out, was expected to come to the party. I found myself standing by myself, staring off into the distance with my cigarette and my drink, as though I was expecting her to turn up and see this sort of movie-like image of me, a shadow of my former self. I dont know whether the prospect of seeing her brought me down and made me sad, or whether I wanted her to see me in that light.

 

My question is, does anyone else try to come off to their ex like they have been suffering, or does everyone else in the world try and pretend they are ok?

[Wahttheh23]

Wonder that myself. I don't want to end up living a lie. Just have to realize that some day we all get over things. (I hope....)

[Elektro]

I have pondered this a lot, the natural thing to do is to try and project to them that you are down and hurt, however if you are after reconciliation or if u just need to move on with dignity and self respect eventually, appearing down and hurt is not the answer. Dont get me wrong, neither is trying to be the life and soul of the party and overtly happy, they will see thru this if you were close.

 

I think its about trying to appear quietly confident and poised. There is no particular way to behave to project this, but if you try and feel it inside you should naturally appear that way and then if u have to speak to ur ex they wont feel like they should pity you (pity is one thing that can guarantee unsuccessful reconciliation!) and they wont think u r acting out of character.

 

Its not easy to appear poised and dignified if u r dying inside but i think u have to try in order for your own self respect and also for possible reconciliation if u think thats wot u want.

[apocalypso13]

On this point here, in my experience -

 

The first time I went out CONFIDENTLY since my ex dumped me was to a mutual friend's birthday and there were so many people there it wasn't funny. I knew he was there, knew from before I went. Of course, I went out and bought a new outfit

 

Whilst I was there, I met up with so many friends that I hadn't seen in a while, and most of these were men. I felt rude for the fact that every time he looked at me, I was chatting and laughing with a different guy. I know if the situation was reversed, I would have been hurt.

 

That being the case, this was the same night that I found out he thought I was a sl*t.

 

I haven't done anything with anyone but him and he was spreading this rumour about me.

 

So here's my experience - don't go over the top. Be you.

 

But NEVER, EVER show that you are upset.

 

It's like an injured wildebeest - if a lion sees it, that lion will go in for the kill.

 

So, do you always want to be seen as the injured victim?

 

I know the answer to that is NO.

[waveseer]

I broke the silence on my suffering years later. Ask me the day I die and I will tell you if it was stupid or not. Right now I have no idea.

[COtuner]

My ex gets to see who I am. I don't particularly care what he (or any of the three of them) see in me should we cross paths. I have no reason to worry about what he thinks of me. He, on the other hand, seems to be making a point to share how badly he is suffering.

[brokenheart311]

The day we broke up I was visibly sad, as was she, even though she was the dumper she was crying more than I was. In the 3 times she has been by to get mail/clothes since the breakup I didn't display myself as happy or sad, just even tempered and neutral while each time she protrayed herself as the sad one, looking down while talking, no emotion in her voice.

 

I know if I show myself to be a sad, unkempt person who is pining for her then that is what she will remember about me. Seriously, no woman wants to be with a sad-sack that pines for them uncontrollably.

[becca0194]

I would be somewhere in the middle. If you are a mess, they will feel guilt and see you as depressed and needy. If you are over the line happy, they will either not believe you or thing you moved on and are now happier. I would just stay very neutral, so they walk away not even sure how I just was.