dhjjessel Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I think there is something to be said for this, but I do not condone it - if i could look back and find clear signals that my feelings for her were shaky as well, it would be easy to get over her. I know people who have cheated on their long term partner and it makes it easier when you get dumped cuz you can just say to yourself that you didnt deserve her anyway! I know its selfish, but as soon as you get dumped you're supposed to start being selfish anyway someone disagree with me so i dont destroy my next relationship by cheating to hedge my feelings! Link to comment
IBelieve Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 That seems a little twisted to me.. When you get dumped you are supposed to be selfish because technically you aren't in a relationship anymore so you HAVE to do whats in your best interests if you want to move on. Being selfish and cheating while you are still in a relationship is pretty low. Just dump her and get it over with rather than having to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Cheating = bad. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 im just saying in retrospect i wouldnt have been hurting so much and so relentlessly if I could prove to myself that i didnt really love her anyway Link to comment
Circe Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No of course not. You'd lose your integrity as well as your partner. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No, cheating is a "no go". In fact, I think its harder to end it with someone when they have been faithful to you. And I'm a recent dumpee. I hope that my ex is thinking about the fact that I love him very much, but he doesn't deserve that. Cheating only makes things worse. And more than two people end up getting hurt with cheating. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 No, cheating is a "no go". In fact, I think its harder to end it with someone when they have been faithful to you. And I'm a recent dumpee. I hope that my ex is thinking about the fact that I love him very much, but he doesn't deserve that. Cheating only makes things worse. And more than two people end up getting hurt with cheating. If he didnt know you had done it, then at this stage you would be able to move on more easily, maybe? Link to comment
createhappiness Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 If he didnt know you had done it, then at this stage you would be able to move on more easily, maybe?[/quote vengefulness is futile, my friend. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 but as soon as you get dumped you're supposed to start being selfish anyway That is a problem, right there. A true sign of maturity is being able to keep spite at bay after a breakup. So someone broke up with you. That's not an excuse to treat them worse than you would a stanger on the street. Don't get me wrong, if they try and hurt/mess with you, by all means tell them what you think of them, but if you go seeking trouble you're destroying any credibility you have. You want someone to tell you cheating on someone pre-emptively is a stupid thing to do? I'll do it. Cheating on someone in case they break up with you is retarded. Not only that, but if they end up being someone you could have a future with them, you'll be kicking your ass for having betrayed them, and if you don't feel bad about it, you should. That shake it out of you lol? im just saying in retrospect i wouldnt have been hurting so much and so relentlessly if I could prove to myself that i didnt really love her anyway I can understand that... But is it really worth the potential cost? Link to comment
journeynow Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 im just saying in retrospect i wouldnt have been hurting so much and so relentlessly if I could prove to myself that i didnt really love her anyway Are you suggesting taking a different mindset, rather than acting on it? I can understand that, and actually found it helpful to journal imaginary conversations with the roles reversed, in which I tell him that I need to find myself, things have changed and he should move on, and so on. Not affair-based, but letting my self take the initiative to leave, all taking place in my mind, and way before it happened in the physical. I did this over several days, with subsequent scenes (boy did he beg and plead!) and the exercises really helped me to begin to turn my back on our past, and feel like I am moving forward for my Self, letting ME be selfish in regards to the relationship. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No, I have never wished I cheated on him. One thing I did not need was more emotional and psychological issues resulting from that relationship. I only wish I'd had enough guts to stand up for myself 3 years into the relationship instead of taking the emotional and verbal abuse for over 2 years more. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 no.. i just wish i would have ended it b4 she did.. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Sometimes I wish my ex cheated on me. Would it hurt? Hell yes, but it would help me cut him for good. I even wish now that he would find another girl.. He always says to me "I want to find another you, but I can't find her"... He is confused and very much leading me on.. Keeping me on his rollarcoaster. Is he to blame? Not really. Only I am. I should walk and never look back, but sometimes I just want him to do something so ill hate him. Link to comment
blueyes29 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No, I don't wish I would have done something like this... EVER! Link to comment
pushforward Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I think there is something to be said for this, but I do not condone it - if i could look back and find clear signals that my feelings for her were shaky as well, it would be easy to get over her. I know people who have cheated on their long term partner and it makes it easier when you get dumped cuz you can just say to yourself that you didnt deserve her anyway! I know its selfish, but as soon as you get dumped you're supposed to start being selfish anyway someone disagree with me so i dont destroy my next relationship by cheating to hedge my feelings! It wouldn't be any easier, you only assume it. Could you really live with the guilt and memories of hurting somebody by betraying their trust? Honestly, it's a pretty self destructive action and very selfish thing to do. But if you wish to be self absorbed and another person who lacks character and integrity, that's completely up to you. If you don't value yourself as a person, how do you expect to be with somebody of quality because you think you don't deserve them? It only seems like you validate this type of thought because there are only two end of the spectrums, be hurt or to hurt. It's not always black and white. Although I was cheated on. I wouldn't ever cheat. Not in my personal beliefs and I will not stoop to that level. Link to comment
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