Does a bad ex equal a bad friend in the end?

[orchidbloom]

My boyfriend of 1.5 broke up with me a couple weeks back. It was more of a mutual decision really; I knew he was wrong for me. He was verbally abusive and I felt no affection for him. I was unhappy. He was unhappy too and cited having to go to therapy to get this resolved. I sadly let him go, though I know I would've stayed if he wanted me to. I would've helped him through the therapy and maybe the relationship would've gotten back on track. But that's not the point.

 

A week later, he travels to my hometown and finds another girl. He flirts with her a ton and gets her number. Now they're talking through IM and text messaging. He even got a text messaging plan for her so he could talk to her.

 

How do I know this? I have his passwords on my computer. I look at them once a day. Instead of missing him, I have more anger. It's obvious that this new relationship is exciting for him. I know I have to stop this but I really don't know how. Telling him I have the passwords would mean facing his betrayal. I think I need to find a distraction.

 

He also posted a picture of him lapdancing a girl on his Facebook profile. True, he's having fun and I'm sad but shouldn't he be a little more discrete?

 

Anyway, going back to the breakup. I feel that he "lied" to me about needing time. I don't believe that you can be talking to someone and still be focusing on yourself. He has a lot of issues, some I believe stemming from his divorce (I was his first girlfriend after the divorce...I probably set myself up for that one).

 

I'm talking to him on Saturday to give him back his stuff. I would like to bring this up but not sure if I should. I feel that I should bring it up that I know about him and this girl and that he should really focus on himself. If he chooses not to, I don't think I can be his friend. What do you think?

[vertigoxo]

Exchange the stuff between you and him, and cut him off- for good. Strict NC all the way. And stay away from his facebook/email accounts/etc. They will hurt you!

[DN]

I think that once you break-up with someone then you have no right to pry into their personal life and make comments about what you find there.

 

When people break up and say "I don't have time for a relationship" or "I need to focus on me" or whatever - these are not promises. Those statements may or may not be true at the time they are said but even if they are true it isn't something that they are bound to follow. Life just isn't like that.

[orchidbloom]

I definitely agree that I should stay away. Do you think his er, not pleasant behavior as a recent ex is a reflection of what he'll be like as a friend?

 

I think I'll be reading and posting here instead of cruising Facebook/email. It's much more healthy.

[DN]

As a general rule I think people are what they are. If he is nasty as a boyfriend he would be nasty as a friend.

[vertigoxo]

He is basically trying to move on. I know it hurts- Trust me, I've been there. But it's time you move on as well. If he finds another girl, oh well, he's her problem now, not your's anymore.

 

Move on and find someone else.

[orchidbloom]

Thanks for the replies; I really appreciate it. He did call me his ideal girl; he just didn't know why he couldn't take care of me. Guess it'll be time someday to be someone else's ideal girl.