Not sure what to do anymore about us arguing....

[motolove]

I've have been with this guy for almost two years now and we have lived with eachother most of the relationship and for last 6 months we have been arguing every week. I dont' even know why we argue. Seriously, sometimes the next day I can't even remember what we had argued about. I love him so much but the arguing has caused lack of sex, lack of attention (from him, not me) and then we argue about that too. I'm having doubts in my mind about the relationship. I'm even getting paranoid about him and my trust levels have gone down since we haven't had any peace or sex.

 

Can it be saved? The tension is so high around the house. We have tried to have a clean start but that didn't last very long. I'm about to lose it and need help but please dont' say counseling, I want to make sure we have tried everything else before we get to that point.

[Aura Seeker]

It is hard to say with the details, or lack of, to really give anything of my experiences.

 

I would think counsel is a great idea to get to the bottom of what is going on.

 

JMO. ;-)

 

AS

[simulacra]

Here are some of my suggestions:

 

-Try to take note of the things you argue about, or the style of your arguments. Sometimes the root of disagreements may lie in the issues, but may also be in the difference in communication styles and the fact that nothing is getting resolved or shared when you communicate.

 

-Try taking a vacation away from one another for a week or two (without any communication). Maybe both of you can keep a journal if you want so the other can read about your week apart later. This time apart may be very telling. Make sure you discuss your feelings afterwards (ie. how you felt when you were apart). It may tell you a lot about your relationship and the direction that it may be headed.

 

-Maybe you can take a vacation away together. It may be that both of you are just overly stressed and going through the motions of the everyday mundane is taking its toll. Going on a getaway will relieve some of that built up tension and maybe your communication will open up too.

 

-If a vacation is not viable (for whatever reasons) make sure you set aside one or two days/evenings a week where the two of you can just be romantic and go on a "date." Again, it's just a breather from the mundane and everyday stresses. The reasoning behind this suggestion is not so you can forget about your problems but that the two of you can have a night out on the town and enjoy one another so that when it comes time to talk about real issues, you are on good terms and will be more understanding of the other's perspective rather than being defensive that the other may not understand your difficulties/stresses.

 

That's all for now.

[-touch-of-heaven-]

motolove,

 

Sometimes love can take a wrong turn somewhere. It is hard, there's no doubt about that. I have this philosophy, that in life everything is possible. If you -really- want to, there has to be a way to save your relationship. You have to know if he still wants to, as well, though. If you are both committed to saving this relationship, then that's the first step. Take a moment to contemplate on everything, although I'm sure you already have. Be sure if you do want to go on or if you think it might be better to try splitting your paths. By writing and asking for help you show that you do want to try and stay together. Ask your partner to clear a day, and the two of you, drive out to the countryside. It might be a good choice to go out before, by yourself, and find the perfect place. Sit somewhere, where you can talk calmly. When you two are there, talk to him. Explain to him that you feel, and probably he's felt it too, that something is not moving in the right direction. That you are arguing too much recently, and not making up as much. Make sure that the tone of your voice is soothing. Tell him you want talk this out in a good way. Make sure he knows you want to make it work, because you feel like something is not working. I do have to warn you that since he probably knows something is not right anymore, he's probably thinking about this too, and might have his own opinions. Those opinions might be that perhaps it's time to end your relationship. I think you should, before going out - and by the way I mentioned specifically going out because I believe that you should both get away from the environment of your home. Breath some fresh air - anyway, before going out, you should sit down, and write all the things you want to say. Everything you want to express. All the problems, all the solutions you can come up with, why you want to make it work, why you love him. Write it as a letter to him. It's easier to express your emotions sometimes in this way. Even if you don't give it to him to read, it will make it easier on you - and you might even choose to give it to him.

 

I'm sorry to do this, but I do feel it's required. You should consider counselling. Maybe not even for the both of you, at first, but for yourself. To figure out some more ways you can work with this. I do want you to consider this, even though it isn't something you'd prefer to do.

 

Well, that's my two cents. Hope it helped.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

The eNotalone.com group therapy program! (j/k)

 

With love,

[motolove]

Thank you for the great advice. Someone sent me a private message regarding my arguing boyfriend saying that he might be cheating. They suggest he may be bored and thats why we argue so much. That thought mixed with the lack of sex makes me wonder. Now I'm worried! I can't tell and I will never find out if he is so I probably shouldn't stress so much. But he was laid off a long time ago and he has a ton of time during the day to cheat, we argue, there's no sex, I think I'm getting too paranoid now. Help!