Out of Control Jealousy

[IcecreamLove]

I get really jealous of my friends who are in relationships. I mean, really jealous. I just can't seem to feel happy for them. I pretend I am, because that's what friends are for, but on the inside, it's killing me. Especially when they get into a new relationship, and have less time for me.

 

Like most recently, my friend "Andrew", started dating someone a few days ago. Already he has less time to talk to me, and when he talks about all these wonderful things he has done with the person he's dating, it really feels like he's bragging. But I think that's just me. In my mind, I tell myself it won't last, they never do, etc etc. But he deserves to be happy, just as every bit as I deserve to be happy.

 

I've only dated one person before, kissed one person, etc, and just seem to have no luck in the entire category, so I just seem to take it really personally. It effects me so much, I lose sleep over it.

 

I try to not worry about it, pretend it's not a big deal, or just focus more on my own life, but honestly, I don't have much of a life outside of my studies and my work. Talking and being around my friend's is the only escape that I have. And when they continuously blab about their boyfriend and girlfriends it just irks me. I'm always polite about things to talk about and I most certainly do not brag when I am in a relationship. I feel I deserve just as much as respect I give them, as they give me.

 

Is there anyone else out there who feels like me, or can help me resolve this?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When people are in new relationships they tend to act like school girls and boys, no matter how old they are. They giggle and yammer endlessly on about their new love and all the wonderful things. Be grateful there is not much time for you otherwise you would have to listen ad nauseum about this new perfect being in their life. Give it a year or two when the honeymoon period is over and then you will be able to assume a normal friendship with that person. It is only after the novelty wears off can people in relationships get back with the real world. So keep your conversations short, make the appropriate "isn't that wonderful" comments and find new friends. Your friend will come back to you if the relationship fails or once it is no longer a novelty and just becomes old hat.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There's nothing wrong with people being happy and in love. Its not bragging, its just happiness. There's no reason to see it negatively.

 

OP, if you can't feel happiness for other people, you are never going to be in a successful happy relationship yourself bc you'll always be negative and other people will see that.

 

I think that is a bit over the top. People can feel envious of all kinds of things that others have. How many women who can't have children have a hard time listening to parents go on and on about their children. Does that mean they are downers in everything in their life and that they can't have a good relationship because they are so negative? Of course not. People usually have something they are very sensitive about and they don't like to have what they are missing out in life rubbed in their faces even unwittingly. That is just human nature.

[IcecreamLove]

Yeah thanks. It's just really annoying, especially when I initiate a conversation with him, and one of the first things he says to me is that his boyfriend called when he was on break. My reply? How wonderful of course.

 

And he tells me, "I knowww. I was just sitting here wondering when his break is and hoping he would call."

 

I'm just soooo envious. It makes me sick to the stomach haha. A lot of times when I talk to him, he uses the response, "I don't know what to say."

 

I just think I'm too nice. I mean I work really hard to be polite and pretend I'm interested in all the garbage that spews out of his mouth, as well as anyone else's and get nothing in return.

[IcecreamLove]

I'm starting to get the feeling I'm a really horrible person then. Since I can never feel genuinely happy for anyone who is in a relationship. And pretty much cursed myself with negativity.

 

But thanks for the tips for things to say.