How one becomes a 'late bloomer'?

[g84]

I saw this term on another thread, and I've had someone tell me that I am probably a 'late bloomer' myself.

 

I wanted to ask, what in your opinion contributes to someone being a late bloomer when it comes to relationships and dating?

 

I've always been shy, but when I was in my early teenage years I went through a bit of a rebellious stage and I was also pushing myself to meet new people. I wanted to turn things around and re-define myself. That's how I met the guy that ended up being my first sort of experience, although not a very serious one. I had my first kiss with him and I remember thinking to myself at that age: this is so perfect. This is exactly how and when i wanted it to happen. I felt really happy (even though the guy ended up being very bad for me). Up until that point, I had even viewed myself as a late bloomer (even though i was just a kid lol). Then, after experiencing my first kiss, I probably thought that i was on my way to feeling more like my friends/peers. But this isn't how it happened. I ended up becoming extremely depressed just months after those kisses, and I have literally never been the same since then.

 

I have done a lot of work to overcome what i went through, but i still deal with depression and anxiety on and off in my life. I can even say that my anxiety has become worst than before.

 

Due to my anxiety, i have not allowed myself to be in many situations where i can easily meet guys. I want to, but i feel so awkward and shy. I have never had anything else close to a boyfriend since my teen years. I have also never kissed another guy since that time.

 

Is my depression what kind of caused me to be a late bloomer? It seems like it has thrown me into some kind of regression in so many aspects of my life.

 

Is there really such a thing as a late bloomer? I understand that these things happens at different times for everyone...

 

but..I feel like my case is so strange at times.

 

thanku for your answers/help.

[Catdancer]

To me a late bloomer is someone who was very introverted, shy and lacked confidence in their teenage years, but once they hit their 20's emerged as a social butterfly. In general, most people date and go out, make friends and have an active social life as a teenager, late bloomers do this later, in their 20's.

[agburns84]

Hey g84,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 24, reasonably on the shy side and would probably also describe myself as a "late bloomer," so to speak. At first, I went through the exact same stage, I saw someone towards the end of my teens with whom I had my first kiss and thought everything was really great, then when nothing much else happened besides a string of unsuccessful first dates I became rather down to it as well. But I don't think it's anything at all to worry about, rather than dwelling on what you should or shouldn't be doing, I think it's better to focus on yourself and doing things at your own pace. Society as a whole in my opinion places far too much emphasis on dating and relationship issues like that, the whole thing about doing certain things by a certain age. It sounds like you're doing a great job in taking steps forward to overcome those feelings and doubts you were having in the past. I think it's very very normal to encounter those inner feelings of despair, as I too have done. Certainly, we all go through experiences at different stages...but I'm not a fan of the whole "late bloomer" concept, my belief is it's never too late as there's still plenty of time.

 

I hope that helped in any way, best wishes to you.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I'm a late bloomer. Several reasons for that:

 

Didn't think I was ready for dating and relationships, concentrated on school, grades, extracurriculars.

 

Didn't think I was ready emotionally and mentally

 

No confidence and shy because I looked like a total dork back then

 

I got a lot better looking in my early 20's and so my shyness went away and it's been good since then.

[ghost69]

i was one compared to everyone i was around. i was really shy.

[cat_lady]

I'm a very late bloomer. I didn't become social, start going out and feeling comfortable with myself until I was about 21, but it really only kicked in when I was 23 or 24.

 

When I was in HS, I was so shy I wouldn't ask a stranger for directions.

 

I think that two things contributed to me "growing up" -

 

1. Losing my social support (i.e. comfort) group from school by moving into a new city and realizing that either I would have to take the initiative or be alone

 

and

 

2. Making the conscious decision to stop living within my comfort zone and do whatever it is that would classify me as outgoing in my own mind. And yes, a lot of times it was really difficult and frightening to go out in certain situations (alcohol helped) but it worked. I think if you're naturally shy its will always be process (alcohol still helps), but you adjust and things become easier to handle.

[dragon lady]

Cat lady, I think what we've said is very much the opposite. I gain a lot of strength from being comfortable. I don't like a lot of change and contentment makes me happy. The change I've had over the past few years has done nothing but shoot my confidence to the ground. I haven't grown up. If anything I've regressed.

 

I just think it's interesting to see the perspective we both have from quite similar situations.

[cat_lady]

Cat lady, I think what we've said is very much the opposite. I gain a lot of strength from being comfortable. I don't like a lot of change and contentment makes me happy. The change I've had over the past few years has done nothing but shoot my confidence to the ground. I haven't grown up. If anything I've regressed.

 

I just think it's interesting to see the perspective we both have from quite similar situations.

 

Hmm.. that is interesting about how two people can react so differently to the same situation. For me - since I had my social group already, I didn't feel any drive or motivation to meet people. Sure, I wanted to date around or have a boyfriend, but I was already spending every night with my 4 closest girlfriends, so no reason to go out of my way. In fact, I still put myself in no-comfort social situations to keep myself from becoming complacent and antisocial.

 

I guess the lesson is to figure out what works for you and take it from there.

[g84]

thank you for your replies

 

I wanted to add in something that i didn't mention in my first post. The depression/shyness that i experienced during my teen years also had to do with how i felt about my appearance.

I literally spent all my teen years + early adult years feeling really bad about how i looked. I was convinced that when people were looking at me they would feel the need to mock me or hurt me (verbally). I know that this also made it extremely difficult for me to meet guys. I wore a lot of grey and black, i wanted to blend in and not be noticed, because i was afraid of what people would see if they took a closer look.

It's only at the age of 22 that i somehow started to grow out of this; it felt like a miracle in some ways. I finally started putting a better foot forward. I feel like i am now showing my real self when i do go out. I still feel self-conscious about some things, but i mostly like the way i look now, and i feel a bit more confident in that aspect.

 

I guess it's good that i have gotten better in that sense, but there is still a lot to work on The anxiety is still so strong.

[YakasJourney]

I'm a late bloomer. I think it was because I was really bad looking in middle school AND high school. I looked really young for my age (still do), and basically was just very immature. I never had a girlfriend, or had any girl show any interest in me...so I didn't develop those skills. I had lots of guy friends, but no intimate relationships.

 

I'm just starting to come out of my shell, very slowly. I seem to have the belief that no one could be attracted to me. Technically I know this isn't true, but it still feels that way.

[WorkingInLin]

I'm 26 and a late bloomer. I haven't even had my first kiss yet, or been on a first date!

 

I think it stems from being shy and introverted. There have been plenty of girls who have shown interest in me, but I just never made a move because of my shyness. That's something I'm trying to work on overcoming.

[cosmogirl]

I'm definitely a social late bloomer referring to a social and a dating life. I've just "bloomed" at 19 but I still haven't caught up with others my age.

 

I agree with the previous posts that mentioned being shy and introverted in high school and social in the early adult years defining a "late bloomer."

[dr_styles]

Socially I'm a late bloomer, as of about a year ago. I'm still not even close to normal socialness (in a regularity sense) but I don't expect to go "butterfly" because I'm just more introverted. Compared to the rest of my family I'm a social butterfly though so I've come fair bit imo which is a nice feeling (temporarily)

 

I'm just starting to come out of my shell, very slowly. I seem to have the belief that no one could be attracted to me. Technically I know this isn't true, but it still feels that way.

 

Yep same. Although I seem to be seeing it's true though. On a slightly deeper level it feels the same. Like I "know" girls like guys too, but all the experience I'm feeling says otherwise.

 

Romantically I'm not a late bloomer, I'm a non-bloomer (literally nothing yet).

[hosswhispra]

I'm a MAJOR late bloomer. I experienced my first romantic kiss shortly after I celebrated my 32nd b-day. It was worth the wait.

[hmm1]

I'm 23 and I'm probably a never-bloomer. My anxiety is constricting me.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I'm 26 and a late bloomer. I haven't even had my first kiss yet, or been on a first date!

 

I think it stems from being shy and introverted. There have been plenty of girls who have shown interest in me, but I just never made a move because of my shyness. That's something I'm trying to work on overcoming.

There could be many reasons a girl/guy is introverted.

I used to be shy, introverted and awkward at dating until I vowed to change things.

 

Funny, I worked in broadcasting and loved to talk on radio and TV but didn't enjoy it in real life.

 

A person's childhood could also affect things. My parents divorced when I was 5. My mom married a man who was an abusive stepfather, abusive to my younger brother and I as well as our older stepbrothers.

 

I ended up marrying late in life, at 34, and my bro. married close to 40.

Always thought he would marry first as he seemed to be much better at dating than me but guess he really wasn't either. It just looked that way.

 

Neither of us have had nor want children (wouldn't prevent a child from entering the world, though).

I can't help but think our traumatic childhoods affected the way we viewed and interacted with women.

[elizaaa]

hey you know wot?my mom and dad married when they were 30 years old and before that they were total virgins and they both never dated anyone in their whole lives before marriage...and now i can say that my mom and dad are the happiest couple in the world..its just the peer pressure what makes you sometime feel bad about yourself and make u think that u are a late bloomer...but if you look at my parents wot do u think??if compred to them you are too early..and dont care about other people who losed their innocence earlier..some people dont agree but there is a clear difference between people who do these kinda things early and those who do it at the right time...and always remember men always like simple innocent girls for marriage and love not those who seem to havea tons of sex kissing and dating experiences so at the end of the day consider yourself lucky and believe me and god that one day you will find a man who truly deserves you rather than by just losing your virginity to some jerks.....and those who do it early i can bet you that they feel severe bad about that and they get jealoused when they see a person who is not like them so they act that they are betterthan you but noway just believe me no way...thry try to cover and regret it but they cant so be happy ..do wot you love and love wot you do set goals in life...and make a relationship which is long lasting and forever that you will get soon i hope...goodluck!!

[elizaaa]

hey you know wot?my mom and dad married when they were 30 years old and before that they were total virgins and they both never dated anyone in their whole lives before marriage...and now i can say that my mom and dad are the happiest couple in the world..its just the peer pressure what makes you sometime feel bad about yourself and make u think that u are a late bloomer...but if you look at my parents wot do u think??if compred to them you are too early..and dont care about other people who losed their innocence earlier..some people dont agree but there is a clear difference between people who do these kinda things early and those who do it at the right time...and always remember men always like simple innocent girls for marriage and love not those who seem to havea tons of sex kissing and dating experiences so at the end of the day consider yourself lucky and believe me and god that one day you will find a man who truly deserves you rather than by just losing your virginity to some jerks.....and those who do it early i can bet you that they feel severe bad about that and they get jealoused when they see a person who is not like them so they act that they are betterthan you but noway just believe me no way...they try to cover and regret it but they cant so be happy ..do wot you love and love wot you do set goals in life...and make a relationship which is long lasting and forever that you will get soon i hope...goodluck!!

[ClarenceRutherford]

and those who do it early i can bet you that they feel severe bad about that and they get jealoused when they see a person who is not like them so they act that they are betterthan you but noway just believe me no way...they try to cover and regret it but they cant so be happy ..do wot you love and love wot you do set goals in life...and make a relationship which is long lasting and forever that you will get soon i hope...goodluck!!

Well-stated.

Am sure that's the case for many of these men and women who engage in sex too early... someone who shows some maturity by not dropping their pants for just anyone is a thorn in their side and a reminder of their shortcomings.

 

hey you know wot?my mom and dad married when they were 30 years old and before that they were total virgins and they both never dated anyone in their whole lives before marriage...and now i can say that my mom and dad are the happiest couple in the world..its just the peer pressure what makes you sometime feel bad about yourself and make u think that u are a late bloomer...but if you look at my parents wot do u think??if compred to them you are too early..and dont care about other people who losed their innocence earlier..some people dont agree but there is a clear difference between people who do these kinda things early and those who do it at the right time...and always remember men always like simple innocent girls for marriage and love not those who seem to havea tons of sex kissing and dating experiences so at the end of the day consider yourself lucky and believe me and god that one day you will find a man who truly deserves you rather than by just losing your virginity to some jerks.....

 

 

These other thoughts are great too.

Thanks for sharing.

 

Nothing wrong at all being a virgin or not having much experience.