Dont use your kids as drugs

[ATLstudent]

My mother often describes not be able to feel loved growing up, I experience the same thing. She was a heavy drug user and alcoholic in her 20s and kicked it all when she had me and my brother. Basically what happended was we replaced the drugs, and started filling the hole she feels in her heart. And came out pretty f'ed up because of it. She uses intrusiveness or overstepping of boundaries to get a hit of us, and remains sane while me and my brother are at home.

[Duckie198100]

My mother often describes not be able to feel loved growing up, I experience the same thing. She was a heavy drug user and alcoholic in her 20s and kicked it all when she had me and my brother. Basically what happended was we replaced the drugs, and started filling the hole she feels in her heart. And came out pretty f'ed up because of it. She uses intrusiveness or overstepping of boundaries to get a hit of us, and remains sane while me and my brother are at home.

 

Wow, this is interesting. I imagine it can happen though. Instead of fulfilling herself with interests and hobbies to replace the drugs, she instead used you two. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and it must be hard to assert your independence.

[COtuner]

I can understand this, except my mom used me as a substitute for love and a sense of "hers" that she never had growing up. She was addicted to having a child, and smothered me to the point I fought her to get time to myself and the freedom to be my own person. It goes on to this day, almost 40 years old and my mother is still trying to smother me because she simply cannot fill that void in her any other way.

[waveseer]

My mom wanted 10 children, thank god my dad stopped her at 3. She was a raving lunatic, but I still love her.

[ATLstudent]

Yeah, my dad did it for awhile......but kids are much easier to get selfish abusive attention, fake love from. Its pretty simple.....and its made me a co-dependent potentionally...i think. But its simple my mom comes from a unstable broken family and that created a void in her, a hole she tries to feel, with alcohol , drugs, then love ...men, then her children, we are the product of that kind of a relationship.

[EQD]

we all came out f'ed up no matter how our parents treated us. yeah, its always 'their fault'

but get over it, we are grown up now... adults.

better to have someone who used us as drugs than have a drugged out parent who was too stoned to notice you were there, or passed out all the time so you dont have one single memory of them being anywhere significant in your life.

 

we all had to deal with something. but that becomes more irrelevant the older you get.

[ATLstudent]

Thanks....I need a dose of that

[itsallgrand]

My mom had me to fill some holes, too. Well, I was conceived to help her deal with some serious grief. Get told the story a million times too, it's no secret!

Except she continued with drinking throughout my time at home.

 

It was around my mid 20's that something clicked and I was able to start seeing "mum" as *her name here*. As her own person.

 

Things get so much easier once that happens. Two adults, she's still your mum, but she's also her own person who made her choices and had her struggles.

 

Point is, if you can look at it like that and separate what is your life and what was somebody else's choices; EQ is driving at that, it takes a huge burden off.

 

You are only responsible for your life and your choices. And it's kind of cool actually - because anything you don't like that they did, you don't have to do. Breaking cycles is fun.