This Relationship went to the gutters

[Micksbabyboo]

Hey and Thanks for coming to my Forum. My problem is as follows: I have been with my b/f for 3 years and 6 months, We have been through the pleasant times and through the verry rough times we have learned to deal with each other's fault and applaud our attributes, But to every relationship there is a problem. Lately I dont feel there is anything there any more, Its a dry relationship if it can still be called that theres no more cute name calling, no i love you unless we are saying bye and no talk about us, Our future together or even how our days went. I used to live for this relationship it was the only thing i had after my grandmother past away he was the person i turned to. I really Dont know what to do i talked to him and told him i didnt love him but after i said it i felt strong emotions for him can i be confusing them with love? Or do i care for him this much because of everything we have been through?i mean i feel like i cant let him go but in the other hand i feel like i need to let him go because what im looking for isnt with him any more. Ive always needed to feel loved and somewhere towards the last 6 months and something i havent felt that way, He doesnt even refer to me as his baby any more.

 

What do you guys think? What advice can you give me?

 

Thanks,

Day

[CrazyKarl13]

I'm not the best with advice, but if I was in your situation, I would definetly talk to him about it. Tell him that the relationship has changed recently and you're not sure about it. Tell him that you want to be with him, but with the way things have been going it seems that being with someone else would be the best bet. Just talk to him about it! I'm sure if you feel this way, there is no doubt in my mind that he thinks the same

[SouthBeachSummer]

I can certainly identify with you. I've been w/my b/f for 4 years and 5 months...

 

When I feel down about the relationship I'm in, I always think of the good times. Even though he might not always say the things I want him to, I think of the times when he was there to just listen to me cry my eyes out, or when we're hanging out- he could be with anyone at that very moment, but he's not- he's choosing that time to be with me. Or when he just calls me to say hello or leaves a funny voice mail... or even when he gets off his butt to get me a drink or something in the kitchen. Those little things add up...

 

There used to be a time when I didn't feel loved, wanted more affection, etc. but when I looked at things in perspective and think of all the things that my b/f has done for me and still does, it helps me realize that this relationship isn't bad at all.

 

Plus, there's all the history that we have together. No one knows me the way or to the extent that my b/f does. We can play off each others jokes, finish each others sentences... we simply understand each other.

 

Well aside from the good things, bad things can also add up and I can understand your worries.

 

Perhaps you could ask your b/f, "isn't it better to just not stress about the bad things and remember the good things?" and see how he responds. You could also start asking, "how was your day?" at the end of each day and initiate that conversation yourself.. and if he doesn't ask how your day was after telling about his day, just offer to talk about your day anyway.

 

I certainly remember when my b/f used to call me cute names and do all those little cutesy things, but that was earlier in the relationship; We have both matured a lot since then.

 

You two have been together for 3 years and 6 months. Although he might not talk about the future, I think just the fact that you two have been together for that long definitely shows his commitment to the relationship.

 

Anyway... sorry this was such a long post! lol I just want to help as much as possible because I know what it feels like. Hope this helped, at least a little bit.

 

Be strong!

[mahlina]

Ouch! I've been in a similar situation before. My ex and I went through the same thing. I think that it's called, 'built up tension.' I stopped being affectionate for him, but he kept begging. I don't know, I think that I stayed in it for a long time because of unhealthy attachments. I get what you mean by "I can't let go...", but you really can. It's just up to you to do so. It's hard to let go, but it is very possible.

 

I think that if the relationship is already dried up, then there's no point in really trying to salvage it, because one thing's for sure, you guys aren't married yet, and another thing, you guys are 'just' dating. Three years is enough to tell you if you're with the right person. Heck, 6 monthes is enough for me. That's what dating's all about. You get to know the person, and see how well you guys match, and if you don't, then just toss it aside, because there's no point in holding onto something that's not 'meant to be.' It's like trying to fit a piece of lego with a puzzle piece together. I know, bad analogy, but you get what I mean? If the chemsitry is not completely there, then I don't think that it ever will be. You can try to rekindle, but it's either there or it's not.