j Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 I've been in a lesbian relationship for 2 years. The first 6 mths were great, then she slowly began to pull away. First it was diminished compliments, then frequency of sex, going out or sharing time together. We began to have periodic arguments after about a year. She won't commit to a permanent relationship. She wants me to get a place(w/out roommate) where she can come, but I can't afford it alone. She says she'll contibute, but won't sign a lease or mortgage. I have twice found her communicating online to single women. I don't doubt she loves me, but I question her interpretation of love. She won't meet or spend time with my friends. I have always spent weekends with her, but lately she seems bored with us and does her own thing. She'll watch television or go shopping alone, but never hesitates to ask me to bring her a drink, walk her dog, etc. Sex is a rarity, every other month if that. It's very frustrating feeling so unappreciated. I get upset, angry and cry. I just want a healthy relationship that we work on together. She says I don't understand, that's the way long term relationships are. How do I/we get out of this cycle when she's not willing to work on it or recognize there is a problem? She's a great person that I think is not happy with us, but won't admit it. Link to comment
cookies Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 im not gonna put u down because ur in a homosexual relationship like the poster b4 me just did, because we all have feelings and that was just outright rude...however I have no insights on how two ppl of the same gender handle these situations...maybe just like anyone else as far as the matter goes...so i would say... just go with ur intuitions on this situation. Things change for a reason, and it might be that she is interested in someone else..possibly even desiring to be with a man, and dont know how to tell u that...again, i could be wrong. This doesnt necessarly mean that she has a problem either... but may be that she is no longer interested in a relationship with you, or a lesbian relationship altogether. good luck, and i hope that you can sort thru ur this hurtful time, because we all have hearts and hurt the same... cookies Link to comment
shantay Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 that is so sad to see people people puting others down because of what they want in life. because they dont know what a person has went through to become who they are. well any ways i think that you should start meeting other people dont be so stuck on one person that you cant relize what you need and that's to be happy. my mother told me the other day never love a person more than they love you and i know that sound very blunt but think about it. Link to comment
mermayd Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 Ok, back to the topic of interest...j, I think that your gf may simply just have a different perspective of a longterm relationship than you do. Maybe she is acting the way she saw her parents act while she was growing up. She may not understand the importance of intamacy or communication or closeness. Have you talked to her about your concerns?? I mean, sat down and just told ehr that this is how you feel and asked her why she does not attempt to make things better?? If not, I think it would be a good idea. Maybe you could suggest relationship counseling for the two of you. Try to help her to understand how this is hurting you and if she does not try to change it, then you will be left unhappy. And as swingfox always says, you need to make youself happy. You cant make another happy if you are not happy with yourself. So if you are not content with the way the relationship goes, maybe it is time to find someone who will treat you the way you wish to be treated. They ARE out there! Link to comment
j Posted February 28, 2003 Author Share Posted February 28, 2003 How does your reply help me in any way? I was brought up a strick catholic, no need to quote the bible to me. Not that it's done the clergy any good. May you be blessed with angels who temper your bigotry. a cup of coffe to wake you up, and gay children who teach you the meaning of love and acceptance Link to comment
couldbeme86 Posted April 12, 2003 Share Posted April 12, 2003 any ways. J, i think you should talk to her about whats going on. it might make you feel better and it might help her understand how you feel. but thats just what i think. you should trust yourself and od what you think is right. good luck. let all of us know how it goes. later. rc Link to comment
persephonesleeps Posted August 30, 2003 Share Posted August 30, 2003 it sounds like you are being used and taken for granted long term relationships are not like this! figure out what you want and need...sit down with her and talk with her how long can you handle this? you deserve a real relationship Link to comment
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