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Need help in how to decline when a girl askes me out on a date that I still want to see?

ConfusedDater

By ConfusedDater
in Dating Advice

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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Earlier this week, I received a email from a girl saying-"Can I treat you to lunch?

 

And my reply was-"I wish I had seen this email yesterday because today I have to go to the post office, supermarket, and pharmacy. I think a good day for lunch would be on a saturday."

 

 

Since that day I noticed she has not called me or emailed me and was wondering could it have to do with me not being able to go out?

 

 

Also do women have the menality that if a man is interested he will never ever turn down a offer to see her?

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Raistlin Enthusiast

Raistlin

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A better reply would have been "I'm swamped on X day with some family issues and errands. However, I'm free on Saturday, X day, and X day. Are you available any of those times? I'd really like to catch up with you."

 

Again, this requires you to take time away from your super busy schedule to do something for someone else... or let them do something for you, as it were.

 

You really don't need all day for 3 errands that take a total of 3 hours.

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lady00 Grand Master

lady00

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Who knows. I personally don't see much wrong with your response, other than the fact that you might not want to list the things you have to do. She doesn't need to know that. "I'm busy for lunch today" is enough. Maybe she just has been too busy to respond or didn't get to check her email yet. Could be a million reasons. I wouldn't sweat it.

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lady00 Grand Master

lady00

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Well I think your reason for rejecting her was not very important, you could handle those issues another day if you were really interested to see her.

 

I agree it's a little too much info but I also wouldn't cancel my plans to run errands just to go on a date with someone I don't really know and it doesn't necessarily mean anything about interest level. "I am busy today--how about Saturday" would have been better though.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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Well I think your reason for rejecting her was not very important, you could handle those issues another day if you were really interested to see her.

 

I had to mail my rent off before the post office closed. I got the email at 1pm and on such short notice and had she said dinner hen yes that would have been better.

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lady00 Grand Master

lady00

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Well, especially on short notice, I wouldn't blow off important errands just to go on a date that could easily be done another time. If that turned her off then she isn't someone you want to be with anyway. It's a bit of a silly thing to be turned off by. If you give someone short notice, you can't expect them to drop everything.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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Well, especially on short notice, I wouldn't blow off important errands just to go on a date that could easily be done another time. If that turned her off then she isn't someone you want to be with anyway. It's a bit of a silly thing to be turned off by. If you give someone short notice, you can't expect them to drop everything.

 

And plus a date involves me picking the right outfit which I had not even planned on doing that day on such short notice. It was another onwe of those-"i'm going to be in your area and wanted to know can I treat you to lunch" type of invitations.

 

 

I swear I'm going to ask a girl out in that way and see what happens-lol

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lady00 Grand Master

lady00

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And plus a date involves me picking the right outfit which I had not even planned on doing that day on such short notice. It was another onwe of those-"i'm going to be in your area and wanted to know can I treat you to lunch" type of invitations.

 

I swear I'm going to ask a girl out in that way and see what happens-lol

 

Well she might say yes. She might be at work and decide that her business casual outfit is just fine for lunch (but I totally understand the desire to look good--I always try on several outfits before going on a date!). And she might have an hour to kill. If not she'd probably suggest an alternative time.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with a short-notice lunch invitation. But I do think it's expecting a lot to think that someone will drop everything they are doing for that. It can't hurt to ask though!

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Daligal83 Mentor

Daligal83

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While it's perfectly understandable why you couldn't meet her, listing off the things you had to do like that came off badly. It basically said, these are the things I'd rather be doing than meeting you for lunch. Yes they had to be done, but listing like them pointed out the things that have more of an interest to you than she does. Like the others said, it could have been worded better. And she may not even be upset. Maybe she's just backing off a bit because she's not sure where you stand and doesn't want to be pushy.

 

Are you interested in this girl?

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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While it's perfectly understandable why you couldn't meet her, listing off the things you had to do like that came off badly. It basically said, these are the things I'd rather be doing than meeting you for lunch. Yes they had to be done, but listing like them pointed out the things that have more of an interest to you than she does. Like the others said, it could have been worded better. And she may not even be upset. Maybe she's just backing off a bit because she's not sure where you stand and doesn't want to be pushy.

 

Are you interested in this girl?

 

 

Yeah that's why I sent a email saying I start work on the 18th and can defintely do the lunch thing this week. But no response yet

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bulletproof Collaborator

bulletproof

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I think it's the way you worded your response. It sounds very rigid. Why not just say, "I wish I could, but tomorrow's crazy for me- are you available on such-and-such a day?"

 

Writing that you wish you'd seen the email sooner almost sounds like you think it's her fault that she hadn't sent it sooner.

 

Perhaps in the future you can run your potential email responses by someone here to make sure. I truly believe you when you say that you have no idea how you're coming accross to people.

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BrunetteBarbie Apprentice

BrunetteBarbie

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my god, why does it seem like youre ALWAYS making excuses?! is there EVER a right time for a woman to ask you out? Its always something..

 

pharmacy,post office, supermarket... thats a matter of 30-45 mins if you rly wanted to see her. Maybe youre just afraid of something and then you blame it all on being "busy"...

 

And ugh, Why always the same "I had to pick the right outfit"???? Does that take you days?! It should be a matter of max.15 mins... damn, Im a girly girl and I dont even take 10 mins to pick a good outfit. Seriously.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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my god, why does it seem like youre ALWAYS making excuses?! is there EVER a right time for a woman to ask you out? Its always something..

 

pharmacy,post office, supermarket... thats a matter of 30-45 mins if you rly wanted to see her. Maybe youre just afraid of something and then you blame it all on being "busy"...

 

And ugh, Why always the same "I had to pick the right outfit"???? Does that take you days?! It should be a matter of max.15 mins... damn, Im a girly girl and I dont even take 10 mins to pick a good outfit. Seriously.

 

 

Well she responded back to me and we are going to lunch tomorrow.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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You didn't need to give her the details of your day. A simple "Can't make it. How about Saturday?" would have sufficed.

 

Emailing is pretty lame. Lamer than text. Wait until later, and call her. She might think you're just blowing her off.

 

yeah. anything text is lame.

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