Surprised by number of cyber relations!

[Baby_doll]

Hi everyone!

 

I've got to say, I'm really surprised that internet dating is so big! I used to think that falling in love on the internet was impossible and a bit weird, but then it happened to me! I met my new guy on an internet site at the end of December. We chatted for about a month and a half and I found that I had the most intense feelings for him, but had never met him! It was just insane, but it felt right. I had never met anyone from the net before, or wanted to-i was full of worries and nerves, but as soon as I met him , it just melted away...it was like a fairytale! I met him, now I am falling in love with him and all because I bit the bullet and listened to my heart! Needless to say, I have now changed my views on internet relationships and dating! I was just wondering if anyone else has had a success story?!

[ck]

Interesting I was just talking about this on another topic, I will paste what I said on that post because I don't want to type the same thing over again. I am the opposite of the way you feel now. I used to be like yeah well any relationship is better than none, but I quicky realized it didn't make as much sense and it kind of weird.

 

In my opinion it's terrible, that's why I can't see why people get involved in internet relationships. Well I understand because your lonely, but I could never do that because you can't get to do the physical things you can do with a person who is actually in the same room as you like touching, kissing, hugging and of course intercourse

[Ash]

Internet relationships come in all fashions. Some of them sexual, some of them not. Some are friends, some feel like family.

 

Perhaps my closest friend at the moment is somebody I've only ever met on-line. She's more family to me than my real family, we relate far better than most people I talk to. She's the one I go to when there's nobody else.

 

I think part of it is that you're forced to deal directly with the intellectual and emotional side of the other person when you're on line. There are no distractions, and it's difficult to make excuses. You see each other more often more clearly than you could in person. It's easier to let your guard down, as you don't really feel like you're under scrutiny. First meetings are easier, because you're not going to get laughed at or made fun of in public. There's anonymity.

 

But you'd be surprised just how fast the anonymity disappears when you start conversing. Mental barriers are more easily relaxed. It can be a very rewarding relationship.

[Baby_doll]

Hey ck,

 

I completely understand what you're saying about internet relationships being a bit clinical, ie no touching, kissing, etc. I met my guy online, but now we're together in 'real life'. I couldn't have a relationship with someone without meeting them in real life...just doesn't seem worth it! I was fortunate to meet someone who only lived about 15 miles away from me! I guess some other people aren't so lucky I don't agree with you about the being lonely bit....you make it sound as though people who develop relationships from being online are weirdos and could never date in real life. Well, I have had plenty of offers in real life, but I met this guy online, gave him a chance to meet me in the flesh and I've never looked back! I didn't do it because I was desperate, or because I'm odd or anything...just had this feeling deep down that he was the one that I should be going for...I listened to my heart and my heart was right

 

Nice to see your opinions though

[ck]

I didn't call anybody a weirdo, but some people are lonely it matters on the individual. I just think it's odd that a person who has people asking them out in real life would want to have an online relationship.

[Ash]

ck, we're not all single, free and able to get out and meet people. This is not to say that those with cyber friends cheat, but situations arise whereby it's sometimes just not possibly to get out into the real world.

 

Another factor, long distance relationships are essentially no different than cyber relationships for the times you are apart. In my case, I see my girlfriend a couple of times a year.

[Baby_doll]

ck,

 

Please read my posts before you reply! I already said that I only met my guy online, he didn't become my boyfriend until we had met in real life! I agreed with you that I think it is strange to have a romance over the net without meeting, or having intention to meet. I get out all the time, meet loads of people in real life, had loads of offers like I said-but it doesn't make me odd, just because I chose the guy that I met online! He is perfect for me, whereas all the other guys that I met in 'real life' were just not..Should I have sacrificed my perfect romance for some total loser instead, just because I knew him in 'real life' first?? We met, THEN we became partners...that's the way it went. I haven't only met my guy, but I have many excellent friends that I have met online...NO! this is not because I'm sad, or have no real friends, but because I love the variety that life brings and I sometimes find it easier to talk to more annonymous people about certain subjects.

 

I think it depends how you look at things actually...the majority of people have no problem with meeting a stranger in a bar, chatting drunkenly to them, then taking them home for a one nighter... When you think about it, isn't this an odd and dangerous thing to do?? But loads of people do it, so it doesn't seem odd. Whereas, people tend to have a problem with people meeting each other first on the net, then in real life...Yeah, it can be dangerous, but so can meeting people in bars and stuff! I agree with everything that Ash has said...you get to know someone and feel comfortable...when I met my partner it was just like meeting an old friend...I suppose it would be more acceptable if I'd have said that we met in a club, but it wouldn't have been the same..not as special..

 

Tell me ck, have you had a bad experience regarding net relations?

 

Thanks for all your comments guys!

[ck]

Babydoll

 

Jesus christ I did read what you said, so calm down! I was voicing my opinion on why I think it's not good to have a online relationship. You obvioulsy didn't listen to what i said, or you wouldn't have gotten to emotional over what I said. I already understood you are very outgoing and had a lot of offers. I also never said you were odd, if your happy fine by all means have a good relationship and peace be with you. I'm talking about myself and my reactions towards Online dating.

 

So read what I said again because now your putting words into my mouth. Nowhere in my entire message did I personally said to you that you were sad, I was talking about other people in general.

 

I wouldn't want to pay a whole load of transportation to travel back and forth to a girls house who lives in Chicago. Lucky you for having this person live not too far from your town. I would sooner, or later want to do physical things with a mate (not only sex) and if I can't do that then it serves no purpose to me.

[Baby_doll]

hey hey hey,

 

I'm not getting emotional! I read what you said thoroughly and I just replied...The way that your comments read to me, it seemed that you were including me in what you said...if that's not the case then sorry...but its just how it seems!

 

Like I said, I value the opinions you've given

[ck]

Well I don't know how it read, but I didn't mean that.

[PAdreamer]

I admit that I get ticked off when people think of me as odd or pathetic because I met my boyfriend online. But everyone is entitled to an opinion.

The thing that probably bothers me the most is that a lot of people I know who are not as open to dating online as I am assume that people who pursue online relationships are lonely and antisocial. A lot of them don't realize that many of the people in online relationships have done dating the conventional way, and we made the choice to switch our dating venue. For six years I went out and met people, or dated within my circle of friends. I simply got bored with it. I kept getting the same results: negative.

I decided to give up convention and branch out a little. I think it's sort of funny. They say that people with online relationships are shut-ins who aren't willing to be adventurous and get out in the world. How many people who only do conventional dating meet and fall in love with people from other parts of the world? Actually get to travel to those places to meet people they love? I mean, it's such a great way to learn about other cultures. You can throw all the usual roadblocks out the window; appearance rarely matters.

You get to know people so intimately from the inside. People are much less guarded online because they know that if they get a bad reaction that they never have to worry about dealing with them again.

I admit, my boyfriend and I were an exclusive couple before we met in person. But I knew that I loved him. And when we met, it was amazing. This relationship has been far better than any I've had before. The distance is hard, but I am learning so much about myself.

[gentleman]

It was interesting reading your comments on online relationships. I just wanted to say that I agree that it's essential to meet someone face to face before you can decide you're 'together' and to that end it's such a shame that there are a lot of people out there who use the internet as a way of getting constant attention. I've come accross people who give out their cell number so that they receive endless messages from guys/girls on the Net, with no intention of meeting them. People like that are sad. I agee with what some of you said about the internet being great for people who don't tend to meet many people, for whatever reason. I think relationships that start in chat rooms have more of a foundation than those that start via online personal ads or dating sites, because in a chat room you can build a rapport with someone without only speaking to them because of their good looks, if you get what I'm saying.

[AndDman]

i agree with baby doll and PAdreamer, i've done dating, i've done seeing my friends, i've done seeing my friends friends, all a waste of time for me because as soon as you meet them both of you have a certain defence about you because you dont want to say something awkward. I've used MSN for about 5 years now and when one of my friends went on holiday to canada i got his friends email address and i got talking to her, she introduced me to her boyfriends sister who i've now told things that i swore i would never tell because i dont like peole knowing things, i reluctantly accepted her offer to let me talk to one of her best friends (two years later which would be about a couple of months ago) and we hit it off, we get on really really well we talk about everything normaly for hours on end its currently my summer break and i've talked to her every day for hours on end except weekends when we both go out and do things with our friends and i usualy end up missing her the whole time. I don't like having a lot of online contacts i dont know in person i used to have about 10 online friends but now its about 50/50 because i now know about 20 people in ontario canada, 4 people in alberta canada, and 3 people in the states i also know several people around the UK which i have met only a few of once or twice, some at grapevine some at concerts and i can truly say all of them are good friends because they actualy pay atention unlike in person where you can tell people are only listening because they feel they have to while online if they didn't like you they'd just use that wonderful block button.

Personaly i find ck's comments insulting and i've tried to ignore having feelings for people but when you've wanted to move where they life since you was about 7 and then you know all these amazing people some who are offering to help you out with places to stay and money when you move over is amazing. Its hard to stay out of things and ignore your heart when its constantly saying "i love you, i love you, i love you" in the back of your mind all the time and the "i'll talk to you later love ya bye" at the end of the conversation and you actualy mean the love you but ur afraid to say and then one day you blurt it out and feel like a donkey until they end up saying they feel the same and if they dont it turns out well anyway cause its easyer not to judge.

Another thing is in person i constantly feel im either talking about things people dont understand or if they can they dont want to hear it, i have a few friends who i can talk to about these things but i would have to make a serious life decision if i dated one as their all male! The girl im 'with' online i have so much in common with same music tastes we play the same type of music we both understand each other and really like each other but we're not doing anything until i move over there which i'd be doing if i knew them or not. Im close to some people over there to the point of them feeling like family so i know i'll be happy over there which if i didn't use MSN to talk to people i would be so out of place over there... although the accent helps

 

im now all for online dating cause you find out about the person inside and not what they can lie to you about because a persistent lie online crubles as people forget and its even harder when you talk to their friends and have a good understanding of how people generally behave anyway. i've talked to some of them on the phone and i frequently use web cam so i know their not a 40 year old pervert... just the average teenage pervert we most commonly are and in case of women secretly are

 

i would personaly never use an online dating site or personal ad like i wouldnt go on a blind date program or place a personals ad. i use online chat just like i would talk to someone in person just with out the restrictions of worrying if i said something wrong. And as for ck's comment on attention seeking your doing that now by posting on this message board, people strive to be accepted and noticed which is what your currently doing by expressing your view but as soon as baby doll took offence you backed down your opinion and worded it more politely.

 

Sorry just observant 'lil' ol' me

[mscolly]

Cyber-relationships are something special, of this I have no doubt at all. My wife started in an on-line game, immediately met a man, passed on to MSN and ended up meeting him twice, for sex.

 

She accepted emotional humiliations from him that I have a hard time believing she could accept. In real life, she is extremely proud, the person that I saw her be on the net with this man seems like someone I've never met, and we've known each other for 25 yrs!

 

Essentially, she found a fantasy man, and did everything to make the real man fit her fantasy. And he was extremely talented at playing this game.

 

I'm not saying that cyber-relations are bad. But I am saying that it is very artificial way of meeting someone, there are dangers, and there are some dangerous people out there.

[Amoretto]

"Cyber-relationships are something special, of this I have no doubt at all. My wife started in an on-line game, immediately met a man, passed on to MSN and ended up meeting him twice, for sex. " that is really really special!!! how can you deal with that? how can you stand that? i think your wife is having affair! no eyes to see...i think this so-called cyber relationship has been degenerative! can you ignore moral because it is online stuff?

[Scout]

This is a good thread, you guys are giving some great feedback. At one point it was getting a bit heated though between two posters, so let's not move into a direction where people start flaming each other. This is a helpful thread and we don't want it to get locked.

 

I am always surprised when I hear someone met their spouse online, because any attempt I have ever made at online dating has never, ever worked out.

[Jennyve21]

Yes I do have a success story. I met about 10 guys online. All just a little below the mark. So, I met one more. I chatted to him for 2 hours. We met and been together for 2 years now. I love him and intend to have a family with him some day. We even live together now, and he doesn't chat anymore. My friend also met someone from the net. He turned out to be rich, bought her a brand new car, and now they are getting married. So i guess they arent all liars. Well good luck.

[AndDman]

i guess it depends on how well you are at telling what a person is like off first impressions. I dont know what it is but i just get a gut feeling of what a persons like it doesnt matter if its in person or online. I warned some of my friends about one of theirs and it turns out she broke into one of her friends houses to get a sweater because she couldn't wait an hour till she got home.

All the people i know are good people or i dont want anything to do with them, i give people a chance but it normaly doesn't take too long.