starting over with an ex!

[Parisa]

so my ex broke up with me 3 months ago because he felt like i never showed any affection, i had too many rules and that i had my guard up too much. we've been in close contact all the way through and a few weeks ago i confessed to him that i loved him and always have. it was the first time i had said to him after nearly 2 years being together :S that was a massive shock to him but he said that i've hurt him too much for him to believe me. i tried initiating no contact because i didn't see the point in pretending to be friends as he told me he could never just see me as a friend. after three days of nc he contacted me saying that how can i treat him this way and me cutting him out just shows him that don't actually love him.

 

for the past month we've decided to see where things go. i've been at home for the majority of that so about 4 hours away. i've been back for a few days but he hasn't made any effort to meet up although he promises that we will. it's mostly me initiating the contact, he never brushes me off and he always replies. when i jokingly asked why he never initiates anything he says that it was always him in the relationship who made the effort and maybe i should now. i don't bring up the relationship or put pressure on him because i know that'll make things worse. my problem is we're seeing where things go but i'm making way more effort than him. how do i know when he doesn't want me to? i'm usually a very proud person and it's a lot for me to be so affectionate and patient with him. the balls i his court to move things on but i don't think he is doing and i don't know how long i'm going to be sitting around waiting. he doesn't date and has told me that he still has feelings for me and that no girl will ever come close. but i know you can have feelings for someone but not enough to want to be with them again especially if they treated you badly.

 

what should i do?

[SapphireNoir10]

I dont think you should sit around waiting.

 

It sounds like he still harbours issues from your previous relationship and those need to be ironed out.

[waveseer]

That's not starting over it's proving yourself. It doesn't sound like you're okay with that. Either he is willing to really start over and attempt to have a balance, reciprocating, compatible relationship or it won't work.

[Parisa]

hmm do you think i should let him approach me now? whenever i do that he takes that as me giving up on him and me not caring about him. when he does approach me, how should i be? he's already said he doesn't see me as a friend and won't be able to and he gets annoyed him i use friendly terms such as "mate" instead of something cute! i just don't know what we have right now so i don't know how to interact with him. i don't want to come off as cold but i have too much pride to chase him. on the other hand playing "hard to get" is what got me into this mess to begin with.

[loulee]

hmm do you think i should let him approach me now? whenever i do that he takes that as me giving up on him and me not caring about him. when he does approach me, how should i be? he's already said he doesn't see me as a friend and won't be able to and he gets annoyed him i use friendly terms such as "mate" instead of something cute! i just don't know what we have right now so i don't know how to interact with him. i don't want to come off as cold but i have too much pride to chase him. on the other hand playing "hard to get" is what got me into this mess to begin with.

 

your missing the whole point..you are not communicating effectively...you should be sitting down together discussing this and what you both would like and expect from each other to have a successful relationship...these should be agreed terms built on mutual trust and respect >>NOT

playing mind games and second guessing each others intentions,,this a sure recipe for disaster and heartache....