Feels strange

[Tiffy576]

About a year ago, take away this month, i met a woman on facebook & we kept chatting everynow & then. She, Leigh is her name, got yahoo installed so we chatted via that often & our friendship grew to where we were talking none stop for hours, i mean all day and i mean all day, no joke.

Found out that Leigh was actually born male & wanted to be female, just no money to get the op. btw Leigh is in America & i'm stuck in England. Leigh was 36 wen we first started chatting & im 18.

Leigh has been married 2 & had 2 children with first marriage & 1 child with second marriage (im just putting this down for my sake ok) I met Leigh wen her second marriage was ending and this was on April or March 23rd 2008 (facebook has the excat date & time)

The next months we saw eachother through whatever came up - I dont want to go into wat we talked about cause thats for us only, i had to gain Leigh's trust & she had to gain mine for wat we talked about.

Around spetember i believe (again facebook can confirm it for me) i found a decent guy, we met up about 3 times, he lived in a village off newcastle.

And one unforgetable thursday night, me & leigh admitted that we loved eachother - it was just fact, i mean i knew i had a crush on her but never admitted it in case I scared her off & lost her friendship.

We chatted as normal the next day till later hours kicked in & my mum went to bed & the people Leigh was staying with went to bed - so this is around 2-3am my time (5 hours time diff between us, not to mention a big stupid bloody ocean!) And Leigh tried none stop to get me to not put any thought about us being together, saying it was hopless for all the reasons that will no doubt come into anyone's head who reads this.

I meet up with a david a week later just cause she told me too, something had felt weird with him before, it was only wen me & leigh admitted true feelings that I knew i felt like i was cheating on her with him. I couldnt continue to be with him cause my heart wasnt in it & he's a good guy who needed someone who cared about him.

Leigh didnt approve of course & blamed herself, many nights were spent with me trying to keep her staying & not vanishing on me (very easy to do since I could only contact her online) She even told me goodbye & stayed away for an entire weekend. May not sound like much but for us that was the longest we'd ever gone without contact - i mean we spent every single second with eachother, even me at school, i was using the computers to check on how she was doing.

She came back online moday night saying she was sorry, she couldnt do it & that she missed me too much to be apart from me. Things carried on just the same, had our moments wen Leigh would go on about her ruining my life & that I should find someone else but i wanted & still do to be with her.

(Hitting the fast forward button so we get today) Leigh had a bad life lets just say, to the point where she has tried to commit suicide but never had the courage to follow through with it & things have been a little crazy for her job wise & sees herself as a complete waste of space & time.

Tonight, she has just told me that she's checking herself in to someplace that will stop her from taking her life - this means that she has asked me to go on with my life without her in it since she doesnt know if she'll get out of the place once she gets in it.

I have no way of getting over there in time to stop her, i'd be very lucky if i could even get a flight out there in a year - she's not telling me where abouts the place is to stop me from trying anything like that & i know me talking her out of it will do no good - all i can do is let the person I love along our plans of meeting up & getting married, leave. Thats the only thing i can do cause its the only option for me.

So there it is, my story...Wen i get anytime with Leigh, i am at peace, all my worries fade away & she feels the same - We truly believe that we were meant to find eachother, that we are soulmates & that us meeting eachother was not just a random event. And now i feel like im dying.

[Tiffy576]

well, i heard from Leigh just now - havent got any real info on wat happened or wats going on but i think a friend talked her out of going to the place & i felt complete again, just those few 10mins of being able to talk to her again made my world complete - im trying not to get my hopes up but i cant help it.

[Tiffy576]

feel like * * * * and i dont want to end up leaving a ten ton of messages on leighs messener since she isnt answering me....

basically things a re * * * * - im trying to keep being positive but its too hard sometimes - i have to keep being positive for leigh & my mum cause if i let it show that im cracking or if i just let how i really feel come through, it makes everything ten times worse and thats wats happened now - leigh not in a good mood, i started off being alright but she said she was just gonna go and sign into a mental hospital tomorrow and that be it, get lsot in the system to never bother anyone again...

 

....i know shes feeling down but it just hurt me so much - ive done the same thing for nearly two years now well more a year and 8 or 7 months where i let her ramblle on weneva she feels depressed and i dont mind doing it but it gets to me cause its just like earlier, we were saying how we couldnt be apart from one another

 

now shes saying she wants to throw everything away and theres no easy way of me finding her if she does that - she wont know which one she gets accepted into, if she does i then i=have to convince her to tell which place it is

 

plus im still stuck in bloody england! mother cant be bothered to help me with a tciket, dad is willing to give me a £100 but the ticket i want costs £365 and its for the week of christmas so the longer i wait to book it the more the price goes up and everywhere ive gone to wont accept me for a job, im trying one more place but i dont see how it'll help me in time for this ticket....

 

then theres the whole stupid visa thing, passport would cover 6 months but i'll be lucky if i can even get enough for a stupid ticket for one week - i havent even began to think about food cost ontop of the hotel which costs another bloody £200 and im gonna need food if im gonna spend my 1 week there running round a place i dont know looking for mental hospitals & asking if a Leigh Davids checked in at all !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Its just too much for me to do and she's not talking to me cause of her stupid mood and her status is set to idle so i dont even knoq if she's there or not - Its just too hard, im only 19 for crying out loud why does everyone explect me to have all the answers alll thetieme!

 

I just want something, any kind of event or miracle that would allow leigh to come here or me get there cause i cant stand being this far away from her, theres nothing i can do to help from here, its just too hard i need to get over there somehow but of course, ask all the people ive helped with impossible situations like this & they wont do anything for me!

 

ive just been giving & giving and i know i'll continue doing the same thing tomorrow after ive calmed down but its about time someone helped me

[Tiffy576]

i just checked and the price of the ticket has gone up to £370