I think it's getting worse

[lisaria]

It's been nearly 7 wks. with no contact in nearly 3. I have had such a lousy week. I made plans for three nights this week and something came up and I couldn't go. It was going to be my entry back into the singles scene around here. I guess I'm fooling myself, I'm not ready. I thought I was getting over him and now I feel like I'm back at where I started. I got a call from my doc this morning and I have to have more tests done. The first thing I wanted to do was call him and cry on his shoulder. Why? He obviously does not care about me. Why would I want to bother with him. He lied and cheated and gave me hopes and dreams that no one else has since my divorce nearly 7 yrs. ago. But it was all a lie, and it just gets harder and harder to go on. Earlier this week I felt so strong and over him.....for half a day anyway. But it's been downhill ever since. I just feel more depressed as the days have gone by. Next Wed. we were supposed to leave for a vacation and I don't think I can get through it knowing he's going to take his new g/f and do with her the things we had planned to do together. How can a guy say he wants to be committed to you and then cheat? Then just throw you away like you were nothing to him? Is that it? I really didn't mean anything to him? My kids are the only thing keeping me around and they will be at their dad's next week. It's going to be another sh#t week and I've not even gotten through the weekend. I used to think I was strong, but I'm not. I try to show my kids I am anyway. It just seems like I can't get over this guy. He played with my head so badly that I am so messed up right now. Has anybody else had someone play with their head so bad that they never got over it? How did you go on?

[Hopingpraying]

Lisaria,

 

This is just the natural progression of things. You will feel great one day like you are over him, and then you will see something that makes you think about, or reminds you of him and then you will regress. We all do it, it is normal.

You go through this over and over, please know that they become less frequent and less intense each time you go through one. Eventually you will be able to date again, it just takes time.

 

I am where you are at now. Today I feel great.. My life is going good... Tomorrow I could be a slobbering heap of humanity wollering in my own self pitty. But I am getting better, and like I said they do get further apart when I have my moments.. I know I will get through this. I know you will too.

[SincerlyHurt]

Lisaria, I am having the same sort of week you are. My ex went away this week because she already had the time taken off work because we were to go to Atlanta together. Since she already had the week off she instead went to New York to be with a new guy. At first I was doing well all week. Now, I have begun remembering the things we did together, our special moments. Just last night I went out to the usual places we bounce around at and I just wanted to break down thinking she should be here with me. I am so distraught. I, for both of our sakes, hope this gets easier with time. I have been trying to be selfish and make everyday all about ME, but I still am not entirely me without her. And the hard part is that she already said she does not know what the future holds. So we could get back together, or not. She is not stringing me along, she told me to go on about my life. So what have I done? I have exercised my As$ off, lost a good 25 pounds, am fitting into my old 32's again. Im lookin good, and improving myself everyday. When she gets back from her escapade in New York with her rebound I will be the best person I can. I am better than the new guy and that is something she has no control over. These things just take time, and when we are the dumpees time moves at a snails pace. We just have to deal. We will get through this no matter what happens, and one day we will be happy again. It's all in the timing.

 

Take care of yourself, make yourself proud to be who you are, exude confidence. And if none of this is possible, fake it till you make it.

[fridolyn]

I've lost 25 pounds too! and I totally agree with you! Healing is a very slow process. One day you think it's over then the very next day...well you know... Weeks are ok but weekends are tough!!!!

[woobiegirl]

Hi everyone,

 

I can relate, been there! Friday's depressed me...I threw myself into work during the week but when Friday came and everyone was talking about wk end plans it was awful.

 

This is what helped me on Friday or Sat. evenings. I would go to Borders (bookstore, you can listen to CD's, and I'd get a Latte and stroll around. I always bought one new CD and a new book. Someone suggested "Knowing Who's Right & Avoiding Who's Wrong" by Barbara DeAngelis (great author about relationships - men and women) The place has lounge areas to enjoy your beverage and read through the books...this got me around people and I actually felt better by reading. This book also made me realize that we tend to be attracted to specific personalities and they may not be right for us. It also helped my confidence level that I'm OK...I was just picking the wrong men. One phrase stuck in my mind..."No matter how much you love someone, if they aren't the right person for you it will be destined to fail at some point"

 

There's just no easy or fast way over it...but it does get better and now I'm confident and don't allow someone else to control whether I'm happy.

 

best wishes to all of you,

Woobiegirl

[PeruvianDime]

We've all been there and it sux to be honest...but one thing to try to keep in mind that it's not worth it..when someone does you wrong like that there being selfish and not thinking of anyone but themselves. I'm dealing w/ a situation a little bit different not as were he cheated but then again I would never know that...but overall I can relate to what you say...they paint a picture for you to believe what they want to you believe and say so much as well...overall when someone who really care's and really loves you and there's kids involved as well...he's not being sincere to either you or your kids..cause when he got involved w/ you he accepted you w/ your kid's as well and overall what he did to you he'll keep doing it to the next person. Guy's like this won't change but it hurts cause us girl's put our effort and heart into a relationship to make it work and it is hard cause one moment we can be soo strong and the next we feel soo weak and especially when weekends come around it's the hardest...today is my first weekend without seeing my ex and i feel like I'm about to burst out crying and I have a kid myself and he just left w/ his dad for the weekend so imagine how I feel but I have to look at it that...it's all still fresh and the more time passes by the easier it will be and if they really cared as they say they do well you just don't do that to someone you love and care for. You'll be fine and don't go start dating right off cause chances are that will fall into rebound...give yourself time..time for you!!!

You deserve better and so does your kids and that goes to everyone...either for a guy or girl...but KEEP IN MIND THAT THEY will think about us and can't forget about us because everyone is human and u can't just block out someone's image off your brain...and if they do have a heart somewhere inside them...they'll feel bad eventually!

[lisaria]

Hey everybody,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really will need them to help me get through the next week and of course, this lousy weekend. I just feel like there is so much going wrong with my life right now. Especially since the first of the year when I found out he was cheating. I hung on thanks to his lies for another month before I finally said No more! I've lost about 20 lbs. in the last 3 months and now my health is in question. I let myself believe that he was the one meant for me and that we were going to be together forever. He's the one that forged ahead, I tried to slow him down and ended up just believing his damned lies. I hate the fact that I still check my email a hundred times a day to see if he wrote me and when the phone rings, hoping it's from him. I'm tired of wanting him back knowing he's dropped me out of his life and out of his mind and already picked up another someone to spend the nights and weekends with. How could I be so wrong about someone? I'm just glad I have you guys to rant to. Thank you for listening to me and caring enough to reply. Maybe I can help ya'll one day.

[lisaria]

Hey peoples! I've had a revelation come upon me and I feel like a whole new person. You know what? That dog still has his profile up on the dating site where we re-met. "Honest man seeking" whatever..... Honest???? Please don't make me laugh. He's going to do to his new g/f the same thing he did to me. He'll be true for awhile, maybe 3 or 4 months but then he's going to start looking again. After all, there's someone better out there. The grass is so much greener on the other side. It's what he does. He will never be true to anyone. I will never take him back. Never!!!! I've learned something today that is going to help me move on and give this SOB the shove out of my heart that I need. I actually feel sorry for this girl, whoever she is. I wish I knew so that I could warn her, although if she is anything like me, she won't believe it. God knows, I would not have believed it. I'm going to get through this. Now I have to concentrate on getting healthy. Do things for ME. To hell with him and his bs. I was supposed to go out tonite, but I am just not ready for that. I thought I was, but I'm really not. Oh halleluah!!! I've found something that I can use to get past this. You guys have been my lifeline more times than I can say. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you everyone for being here and for all the great advice and stories that helped me when I was so very down. Ok, I know that this feeling of finally moving on will probably not last, but right now it feels empowering and I have hope again. I can get through all of this. I am strong! I can do this!!! I don't need him. YAAAAYYY!!!! Thank you.....Thank you....Everyone!!!! (Please let this feeling last, at least through next week when he's on vacation with his new g/f...Please) Ok, I won't think about that....

[PeruvianDime]

were on the same boat...i found out last night on that website link removed that the looser opened a new page talking about I"m back and how he's not trying to be held down by no one or have his activities be limited due to a littler person (referring to me) well he can go have his skanks because no girl will treat him the same and if anything if he couldn't have what we had well i'm sure he won't be able to handle anything else but be a player if anything. Good that your able to see over this and best wishes and I can def relate to what your going through. Take care. PeruvianDime

[lisaria]

Hey PeruvianDime, We are great!!! They suck!!! They are so stupid!!! It amazes me how stupid they can be. To have someone like us and think they will find someone better??? Please.

I read your posts and I think you can do much, much better. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure he had his good points, they always do in the beginning. But what makes them think that what they do to someone else won't come back to them? Are they protected from all that? NO. We are so much better than they are. We loved someone who wasn't worth our time, we'll pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and head right back out into the world....eventually. There is someone for us and it will be so much better than whatever it was we thought we had with them. Because it was all a lie. Mine is setting some poor girl up to do it again. I think he probably has done this for awhile now. I am smarter. We are smarter. We will do better next time. Who do they think they are? We were the best thing that ever happened to them. Stupid. I would have done nearly anything for that man. I loved him and wanted to show him in any way I could. But I couldn't take the damned dissing me by him thinking he could have his cake and eat it too. There have been times when I wished I had just acted like nothing was wrong, but I just couldn't do that to myself. At least I had more respect for myself than that. It's a shame he couldn't have been who I wanted him to be and who he made himself out to be in the beginning.

Liars and cheaters will never be happy. I think that they know they have hurt people that loved them and how wrong they were. It's got to eat at them on some level. I read that when you die you feel all the hurt that you caused someone from their point of view. I hope so. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. Oops. I am trying to get past that.

I am healing. We are healing. We will be fine. Thanks everybody for your posts. All of them. I'm glad I'm not alone. I just wish I had found this place earlier. Better late than never.

For those just starting out on this No Contact thing, don't let them back in, not until you are strong enough to not care. It is the best thing for you.

Don't give up hope. Eventually time heals everything.

[woobiegirl]

I'm happy for you!!! Anytime you get in an up-mode it's a GOOD thing!!

Your right in what you said...anyone who cheats and lies most likely will do it again. The point is, whether they do or don't...there's enough effort that needs to go into a relationship without that being a concern. Consider yourself lucky now, time to move on and find that special, loving man...the one that makes you feel like "one in a million"!! I had the bad guy....now I have the one in the million and have never been more content and happier.

 

Good luck and never accept less....

Woobiegirl