Talk some sense into me

[aLucidMind]

My ex and I met in January and broke up in February because she couldn't handle the stress my mother was putting on the relationship and there was nothing I could do about my mother at the time. She dated this one guy who treated her alright until she admitted to him that she is in love with me but told him that she is not the type to leave someone for someone else (which is true, she isn't).

 

We have been friends since we broke up, wanting to get back together even though she was with him. Since she told him that she loves me still, he treated her like crap from that day forth and started trying to put her in a little room and block her off from all friends and if she spoke to me at all, he would start a big fight. The thing is, I never tried to take her away from him. Just casual conversation that all friends have.

 

She told me at one point in their relationship that she doesn't think they will work out and, if they don't, that she wants me to move in with her so we can be together for real but that she won't be able to date until she is completely over him.

 

They broke up three times in the past month, the third being two weeks ago. She told him before the last break up that it was his last chance. He has been harrassing her into trying to get her back with him (literally harrassing. Calling all hours day and night, guilt trips, just about any manipulative ploy). She has told him over and over she will not get back with him. Three days pass with no contact from him and then he tells her he wants to at least just be friends. She says that she will try to just be friends with him.

 

She has told me that she still loves him but she does not want him back. She has said now and then that she is "undeserving" of me because she is making me wait until she is over him. But when she isn't saying this, she is saying that she doesn't want me to feel like a rebound or anything and just wants to be fully healed before going into another relationship so her mind is completely mine instead of partially mine and the rest focused on him. I told her that she does deserve me, that I am willingly waiting for her, and that I want her to take as much time as she needs.

 

She tells me that me moving in with her is definite and will happen, otherwise she wouldn't be wanting me to bring in my furniture and everything. Her best friend (knows her inside and out, knows everything about her) tells me that me moving in will make us getting together definite, just that it will be a bit before that happens since she just got out of a big relationship and needs to heal. She tells me to just be patient.

 

My mind is going through a jealous fit because she loves him and I want to get with her. Honestly, I don't care if she stays friends with her ex. I especially won't care if she still stays friends when we are together because I know she isn't the type to cheat. Its just the thought of her going back to him. According to her and her best friend and her best friend's fiance, she will NOT be giving him another chance.

 

Basically, I want someone to talk the jealousy or whatever I'm feeling out of me and try to talk some sense into me. Be blunt if you have to, I don't care cuz I just want some sense here lol.

[waveseer]

Is she spending more time with him than you?

[DN]

This is a ridiculous situation. You are back-up guy.

 

Either she loves you and wants to be with you or she doesn't. She is playing major head-games and you are falling for it. Don't do that.

 

Move on and find someone who understands what being in a loving and committed relationship is all about. I understand you love her but she is taking you for a ride and you should never allow anyone to do that to you.

[nowhereman7]

Can we get a time span here. From the start to end of your relationship with this girl. to the start and end of guy #2. thanks, would help.

[aLucidMind]

No, she isn't. The only time we're not together since they broke up is when I'm at work. I've stayed the night last Wednesday through Monday, went home Tuesday to get ready for work. Worked yesterday. Going back over on Friday, staying the night til Monday.

[aLucidMind]

We dated from beginning of January to the middle of February, don't remember the exact dates. She got with him beginning of March and it ended middle of April.

 

She isn't using me as a back-up. I know her very well and she seriously isn't the type to do that. She avoids doing stuff like that because she has had it happen to her before. She says she does want to be with me, just that she has to heal first.

 

My situation- I had no car, relied on my mother for transportation. Obeyed her every inane rule. Couldn't leave the house til she was home at 6pm, couldn't stay out past 10pm. Wasn't allowed to stay the night at my girlfriend's house. Couldn't do anything without her permission. Wasn't a mammas boy, just obeyed her rule. My mother and I fought constantly.

She broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with that anymore. When I started going against my mother's rules, she offered me to move in and get back with her if she and him don't work out. Two weeks after she offered that, she told me that she doesn't think it will work out with him.

[waveseer]

Give yourself some time to get over her in-between relationship. Give her some time to get over it too. Things will work out for you if you can do this.

[DN]

Look, anyone who can vacillate between two guys like that, say she wants you to move in after such a short and turbulent relationship and then wants to mess you about even more is not a good bet for a relationship. Don't do this - you are walking into trouble.

[girl68]

This is a ridiculous situation. You are back-up guy.

 

Either she loves you and wants to be with you or she doesn't. She is playing major head-games and you are falling for it. Don't do that.

 

Move on and find someone who understands what being in a loving and committed relationship is all about. I understand you love her but she is taking you for a ride and you should never allow anyone to do that to you.

 

 

You're crazy in love with a girl who is 19 and you dated for a mere one month? And 2 weeks after being crazy in love with you she dates a guy for 1 month and breaks up with him 3 times? Uhhh drama queen much?

 

She doesn't know the first thing about relationships! As for her being friends with him and his intentions being nothing short than admirable? Yeah right.

 

Is she a weak, very weak person? Uh huh.

Does she have any pride at all? Nope.

Does she know how to make herself happy? Obviously not.

Can she stick to one guy through good times and bad? Clearly no.

Should you move in with a girl after she was in love with you, then in love with another guy and then comes back to you all in a span of 4 months? Uhh, yeah- NO!

Do you really want a gal who will stay with you just becasue she won't leave for another guy even though she's unhappy? Well, the answer is pretty freaking obvious to me... but yeah.