It does get a whole lot better - my story

[Dosed]

First off lets jump back to 9 months ago. I was a content man, I had been in a relationship for 3 years with (what I thought at the time) was the girl to end all other girls, in my eyes.

 

Summer 08 was spent apart because she had a placement through uni - we spoke regularly at first but this became more difficult as time went on from her side. No biggie I thought, we were only going to be apart for 6 months tops. We had some plans to live and work in Paris when she returned - everything was set, flights booked, accom, visas, jobs, the works. I was stoked to be going on this adventure with the girl of my dreams.

 

3 weeks shy of her return date I receive an email to end all emails. You can guess how it read. My world litteraly fell apart. I'm not ashamed to say I hit the booze pretty hard and sank to some pretty dark places. To have given up my job in preperation for Paris didn't help me move forward either. Too much time to think basically. I cancelled the trip - couldn't deal with going ahead with it without her after all the plans we made.

 

I found this site about 4 weeks into the break up. Implemented NC, but I was weak. I did it with half a heart. I still looked at her myspace every now and again and then about 8 weeks into the break up the penultimate moment came when I found out through a mutual friend that she had indeed met someone else during her time away and was making a go of it with him long distance. This part I already knew deep down in my heart but having it confirmed set me back some more.

 

More drink please barman! Yup, not too good at dealing with the old heart strings being tugged I'm afraid.

 

I read various threads on here (GIGS, NC etc) till I became sick of thinking about it. All the boxes were ticked that it was a typical case of grass is greener, however everyone is different and I'm always sceptical of pigeonholes. I knew all the answers already, I just wasn't willing to accept it, deal with it and move on. I grew to become attached to the pain & didn't want to let go of what little I had left of her, which in reality was nothing.

 

As an adverse affect, what did happen due to feeling all this raw emotion was that I learned more about myself than I have ever done in my whole life. I wont go into the finer details, but this forum was a BIG help in so many ways once I was willing to just let go and have little to no hope of getting back together with her. I'm the type of person who makes far too many allowances for people, be it friends, family or gf. Not nomore!

 

So I entered into a very strange place, a place where I knew I didn't want to get back with her, but at the same time I didn't snap back to feeling like the old me anymore. I felt like a burnt out shadow of my formal self - I suspect the drink and recession didn't help too much in that dept. But this also led me to another conclusion....

 

I didn't ever want to feel that kind of pain again and I wasn't going to make the same mistakes with another girl anytime soon in the future. In order for me to avoid falling into the same pit falls, I was/am reminding myself on a sub conscious level to be more level headed & less over romantised. This isn't to say that I wont fall head over heals for another girl, simply that I beat myself up so much during the past 9 months that I wont allow myself to be as naive in future.

 

So that brings me up to where I am at now, which is a pretty calm place. No more drink you'll be glad to hear. Still have random dreams and the odd flat day but the future is looking pretty good. I decided a couple months into the break up that I was taking a year out to work on myself which is what I'm now focused on doing.

 

So here are some lessons learned I would like to share with you all & especially those that are feeling low.

 

NC works. It doesn't mean they will come back but it does help you by giving you the space and time to clear your head and work on yourself.

 

Healing isn't linear. Don't worry if you go a few months and suddenly feel like you have slipped back to where you once were. It's only natural. Don't beat yourself up about it - it shows you are a compassionate person.

 

Take the time out to be good to yourself for you - smell the roses (so to speak), look at the sun set, walk the dog in an open space etc and if your ex pops into your head when your doing it, try thinking of the larger life picture instead. If you can force a smile then all the better.

 

And last but not least, you will get a whole lot better, trust me on this. One day in the not too distant future you will look back (if you choose to do so) and see the whole learning experience for what it really is which is exactly that.

 

Thanks for reading. Your input/questions are most welcome.

[metal911]

that is helping me a lot, my gf broke up with me 5 days ago, one day delriously in love,the next she is not. However the same day she felt she didnt love me anymore was the same day she hit a crisis point in her mental health. She felt numb to everything not just me and she tried for months to make it work with me, the whole time telling me she loves me and she knows that she is unwell but wants me to remember that she loves me and doesnt want me to leave. then after those months, she leaves me. doesnt feel anything for me anymore. I cant believe that, it cant just be switched off like a light! Anyway I am now in the place you were and wondering, will i get through this, and once i have had the best whats the point in trying after that?

[dhjjessel]

I am sitting in my uni library and i can smell my ex's scent on a girl near me. It gets to me. I envy you. I am seeing her today for the first time in a while, and if i can get through today then not only will i show her that I am done pining, I will also probably not have to see her again for a while.

Never thought I would be so broken, but when your mother dies and your first love starts seeing someone else a month later, on the pretext she needs to be "free," it is hard road to travel

[cruzer]

Amazing how they say "men are dogs" yet this now makes 4 of us male who have had girls ruin us, at least temporarily.

 

I can say through experience, NC, acceptance, and making yourself happy will get you through it.

[Struggling23]

I know the feeling my ex fiancé left me for another man I was crumbled to say the least, I recovered started to dAte again and got my heart trampled on again.

 

Glad to see your doing better.

[Dosed]

Take my word - you will get through it. The less contact with her the better. It's tough but worth it. doesn't mean you will never talk again, chances are you will and can but you need to get your head in a good place before you can even think about it.

[Dosed]

I am sitting in my uni library and i can smell my ex's scent on a girl near me. It gets to me. I envy you. I am seeing her today for the first time in a while, and if i can get through today then not only will i show her that I am done pining, I will also probably not have to see her again for a while.

Never thought I would be so broken, but when your mother dies and your first love starts seeing someone else a month later, on the pretext she needs to be "free," it is hard road to travel

 

I really feel for you. Have you considered talking to a college councilor?

[dhjjessel]

yeah i have and am... doesnt really help though. This is just a journey i guess