Losing 2 at once

[trulyDee]

I am 37. Married 10 years. Husband left me 2 years ago, moved to NH. I got a boyfriend the second year husband was gone. Now see it was a huge mistake. Trying to break it off with boyfriend (who wont go away) and dealing with husband who came home last week with a U-haul to get all his stuff (and most of my furniture)

 

I NEED support, but not from either of these men! Help!

I'm alone....but I want to be alone, but I don't.....

 

 

 

Does this make sense???[/b]

[avman]

Hello trulyDee and welcome to eNotalone,

 

You've come to the right place. We're here to help you and certainly to listen and offer our support. What you are saying makes complete sense to me and I'm sure it will to others.

 

You want to be away from these two men, but you don't want to be truly alone. You just want what we all want - love, acceptance, understanding, and support. Its not so much to ask. But for some reason its just really elusive.

 

How can we help you? You can also send me a private message if you'd prefer and I will try to assist you any way I can.

 

avman

[woobiegirl]

Hello TrulyDee,

 

Doesn't sound like your "losing 2 at once"....rather gaining "serenity". You may not have found your soulmate yet, but you Do now realize what you "Don't" want!

 

Scrolling through this site will show you others currently going through similar situations or are beyond it ...and both can offer supportive suggestions. No one wants to be alone forever, but it is healthy because it gives us time to focus on our own identity and our future goals.

 

"no one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved"

"Anonymous"

 

Women are like teabags, you never know how strong they really are until you put them in hot water.

 

Good luck ...be strong,

Woobiegirl

 

[Ash]

Ah, ok. Lots going on in your head I suspect.

 

Your boyfriend. Are you sure it was a huge mistake? Or is it simply something that has run its course and is now through. Not every guy you meet is going to be a long term possibility. That's the purpose behind dating, you try it with somebody to see if it will work, if it doesn't feel right, say your goodbye's and move on. I know it's not easy. What I'm saying is don't see the whole thing as a mistake, see it as a step toward the future, toward the next thing in your life. You've learned a bit more, you'll know just a bit more in how or whether the next potential boyfriend to come along is the right one for you.

 

Your husband. I suspect that although he left two years ago, you've never considered it to be over. And now you're faced with the situation that he truly does appear to be making a final move out of your life. No dear, it's certainly not easy. I suspect there may have been many, many times in the previous couple of years that you considered it to be final, but when faced with him actually showing up at the door, moving vehicle at hand, it puts a bright light on the situation again.

 

It does tend to sound like things are truly past with your husband. Is this truly what you wanted? Is it what he wanted? If both have you are decided that it is truly and finally over, then gathering yourself up can be difficult. No doubt feelings are mixing it too from your boyfriend, and perhaps you feel like nothing is working, the wrong guy wants you etc.

 

You need to get the feeling of control back in your life I suspect. Perhaps you feel like everything is happening, and you're just a spectator. You're not. You do have a big say, the biggest in fact, as to what happens in your life. Don't forget that. You may have to be firm, but if you don't wish to be with your boyfriend, let him know. Let him down easy, or be perfectly blunt. It's your choice. If you need to say what you have to say, and then not contact him anymore, then try to do that.

 

Try not to see your loneliness as permanent. It's a transitional stage you likely have to go through, to clear out your head and heart for the next person in your life. Once you are truly ready to move on, you have to believe and trust that the right person will come along and it will all work out. It likely will. There are quite a few in your age range that are going through the same thing you are, many of them are nice people who over the years have simply worked out of what once used to be a good marriage too and are perfectly willing and capable of being wonderful partners.

 

Keep up hope, and try not to push things too much. Give yourself some time to get past whats happened just recently. Think of a bright future and you'll get there eventually.