Falling Apart

[Loriana]

Lately i've been feeling like someone has ripped my heart out and all i seem to feel is emptiness. For the past few years life has been difficult. I was bullied for four years and i was in a online relationship for about 3 years. I feel like these are the wounds i carry around with me. Nobody knows about the online relationship, i haven't talked to nobody about it. i tried to commit suicde over it last year which ended up with me being in hospital. i remember lying awake in that hospital all alone that memory still haunts me. Things did get better i got over the guy i fell in love with and i made friends at school. The thing is i made friends with this really nice guy and he moved away and now i've just started to get close to some other people and we'll all be leaving soon. I just feel like my life goes around like a circle. Just when things start looking up i feel so depressed. I've been feeling so alone, unwanted and unloved. The other day i just burst into tears and i carried on like that into the next day too. i feel like my life has no meaning to it and my existence was a mistake. i always feel tired with aches and pains. Today i havent been hungry once and when i ate some cereal it was as if i was just eating it for the sake of it. it didn't give me any energy or anything. i feel like my body wants to shut itself down. I want to try killing myself again but can't bring myself to do it because i don't want it to fail again. i forget about the pain by listening to music and watching movies pretending that will make me feel ok. I have exams coming up and i have nothing in me that wants me to pass them. I feel like i'm going nowhere, i have just given on everything and everyone. Someone please help me.

[keenan]

Loriana, have you tried talking to your doctor or a therapist about your feelings?

[NightLily]

I know what it is like to be alone, find somebody to be close too (a small respite), and then have that taken away. Oh boy.. do I know that.

 

Like you said, your life is like a circle. This right now should give you some comfort, because you are very low right now, at some point, things should go up again.

 

How is your relationship with your family?

[dapar321]

Hi Loriana,

 

I know things are looking down right now, but things always work themselves out. Even if you have to force yourself, just try to do well on the exams, and once the semester/school year is done, take a "you day" and just relax. Take a break from all of it. Go to the beach or go to a park. I can promise, no.. GUARANTEE that things will not only look better, but will start to feel better, and you will be put in a better mindset, and when you are in said mood, write down a list of positive qualities about yourself.

 

It seems hard to do, but theres always a endless list for everybody. You just have to have a clear view on things. I will start by giving you two.

 

You are seeking help for yourself by posting here. It takes a lot to do so, and it shows that you are NOT going nowhere, and that you ARE NOT alone, unwanted, OR unloved, and you are wanting change.

 

Also, if that is a picture of you in your profile, you are very pretty, and a little extra self confidence never hurts!

 

Please take care!

[Tanzi]

Loriana, please dont think that you are alone. There are a lot of people out there who feel the way you do right now. You are in a negative frame of mind at the moment. I know its hard but try to think positively. Think of your exams as a stepping stone into the future. A new brighter future. You are young. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. All these things that happen to us, the bad things that make us feel down, that hurt us, they are all journeys in life and ones that we all have to take from time time. They are there to teach us to be a better person; to care for others. We can then pass on our wisdom, to encourage others to look forward when all they can do is look back.

 

You are a wonderful individual and dont forget that.

 

Good luck with your exams and the rest of your life.

[Loriana]

Thank u i understand what you're saying but i'm so messed up right now i don't see how anything is gonna get better. p.s that is me in my pic thanks but i dont see how im pretty but anyways.

[Loriana]

my relationship with my family is good...but i don't feel like i want to tell them how i'm feeling cos i'll know it'll upset them again. my dad doesn't wanna know about me being depressed cos he says it just upsets him so i only have this website to turn to.

[Loriana]

Loriana, have you tried talking to your doctor or a therapist about your feelings?

 

I've been to a therapist and it just doesn't help me.