Bad memories- How can I get over it????

[Z]

Alright here's my problem.... PLEASE HELP ME OUT

 

At the time my girlfriend and I had been going out for about a month

And we decided to go to a party. I had a little too much to drink, and so my girlfriend didn't want to hang around me, because she thought I was being annoying—I don't blame her. So during the party I was off talking to my friend, and she with hers. At the party there was a 24 year old military police guy, who showed up at a high school party, b/c he was friends with one of the guys there. Anyways… to cut the story short, my friend ended up driving me home, and I left my girlfriend with a couple of her friends to home with. The next day I found out that that 24 year old ended up talking advantage of my girlfriend who was also drunk, and had unprotected sex with her in his car. She spoke to an officer at the school, and went to a hospital the next day, but for whatever reason she didn't want to press charges.

 

Some of my friends were telling me that she probably wanted it. But I chose to believe my girlfriend, b/c I found out that that 24 year old is known to take advantage of girls like that. It's now a year later and I still can't forget that night. I sometimes blame my self for leaving my girlfriend behind at the party. Now I just get these images in my head of that guy taking advantage of my girlfriend who I am still currently with. Please tell me what, if anything, I can do to try to get over this and move on and continue to date my girlfriend.

 

PLEASE GIVE ME UR ADVICE

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[DaManiac]

i wonder if you have tried talking to her about it, and apologising about it... or maybe just talking to anyone you trust, anyone who would listen

 

but personally i would like to say that what is done is done and no matter how much you try nothing will change it, as cliche-ish as it sounds. i know it's hard to get over it but think maybe it wasn't your fault, or think that at least now i have the experience and i know i would not do the same thing again...

i hoped i helped...

[hometownguy18]

Hey man. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Nothing I can do or say will ever be able to get these images out of your head. In fact. I don't believe any of us could ever tell you something that will stop that from happening. What I can tell you is this...

 

Don't blame yourself. What's happened in the past happened. Sure, maybe if you would have stayed, she would never have been in the situation to begin with, but you could have never have known that at the time. So many times do we all look back on things and think...what if? It only hurts us even more. The fact remains that what happened...happened. You're still with her...so obviously you love her enough to try and work things out, and I wish you the best of luck with that.

 

By you even accepting her back into your life after such a strange situation, such a hurtful thing is absolutely amazing. It's a very mature and noble thing to do. You can look past the faults of others into the big picture...the idea of you two together.

 

In my opinion, love should be unconditional. If you love someone, then you should be able to know that what they do doesn't necessarily make them who they are. The images will be in your head for a while. Trust me...I have images of my own...but you have to look at her for who she is. When you hold her, remember the feeling. When you look at her, look deep into her eyes and see her smiling back at you. Think of the good things you two have done together and cherish them. Whenever these images come into your head, replace them as best as you can with those memories of how she feels, what it feels like when you look into her eyes, the things you two have done, the feeling of her kiss...look at them and remember how great they make you feel, and just do your best to replace the images of her on that night with those. If you love her enough, eventually those feelings will begin to fade. You'll realize that the situation was a mistake...and that's all it will ever be. It's not your fault what-so-ever, and you have to tell yourself that over and over. Make yourself believe as best as possible...because to be honest bro? It wasn't your fault.

 

If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to contact me online. My AIM sn is ShibbySurf18, and my yahoo messanger name is the same thing. Sometimes talking to those of us who are in bad situations can help simply because we relate so well to each other because of it. Have a good night bro, and I wish you the best of luck with everything between you two. Have faith that you will get through this...believe you will get through this...and eventually it will all pay off.

[woobiegirl]

This is a sensitive subject, so I'm only offering my opinion. What it boils down to is you really have two options. To put it behind you (you can't change it) or....if you don't or can't, it will eventually devastate your relationship. Guess you need to ask yourself if this is the girl you want to build a future with.

 

This happened when you two only knew each other for one month. Whether the 24 year old is the blame is not the quesiton, it sounds like everyone was drinking and everyone contributed to making some poor choices. It was a one-time mistake. If you feel good about your relationship now, that's what counts. There are allot of people on this site that would love a second chance. Give it your best shot!!

 

Good luck and take care,

Woobiegirl